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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ravioli1970, Dec 27, 2018.

  1. ravioli1970

    ravioli1970 Bronze IL'ite

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    im not sure if this is just happening to us or wat! yes i wudnt have given up my career and stayed home to raise my kids for sure! wud have def made more $ and benefits than i do now it wudnt b such an issue as i wud have managed the basics atleast! i have saved a little over the yrs and never lived lavishly just out of habit! i do enjoy shopping so do miss that mainly clothes for work and jewelry! it has scared me and puts me in defense mode wen he stops working almost panics me and all i think abt is working day and night like trying to make up for the loss! also pray for my kids to get good stable jobs Godwilling
     
  2. happydheivanai

    happydheivanai Silver IL'ite

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    U r so much elder than me.iwill just share what I know.

    Selling ur house, asking ur husband to say in room and all will not work because of his age and ur only savings is ur house .after living in big house going to apartment will not work pratically.

    1.ask ur husband to take the job even it is other state.it Will helps little bit and due to work new place etc he will drink less.
    2. Explain everything to ur children’s and ask them to cut down there expenses and take some part time job. It will make them responsible and good for there future .iin tamil they will say namma kastatha solli pulaigala vakanum.
    If they r not ready to take up some job.ask them to take loan and study and cut down all get together outing for 3 yrs ..small small expenses is also a burden.

    Don’t worry ..pray god he will show u the path.
    Happy New Year
     
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2018
    pocahontas likes this.
  3. happydheivanai

    happydheivanai Silver IL'ite

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    This is a eye opener thread..yesterday me and my husband was discussing about this situation but v don’t know how to save money in US ...other than 401k, employee stock purchase plan...if anybody know the way please share it will b helpful for others as well.
     
  4. ravioli1970

    ravioli1970 Bronze IL'ite

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    yes i agree but he doesnt want to give up wat hes known all these yrs , we r suffering along w him not getting it hes lost his health his drinking shows and i feel he doesnt care as he is depressed as to how did this happen to him? i cant reason w him i have a family to worry abt i just pray he finds something soon in nyc not out of state as thats all he can handle. ne will need a teaching degree to teach unless he finds a private school. i hope God gives him the courage to think right and also think abt us
     
  5. ravioli1970

    ravioli1970 Bronze IL'ite

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    yes i agree wen u r 50 plus and used to a lifestyle all of a sudden to rent a roon in washington dc where apts r expensive is impossible but he still did it coz there was no choice. our joint savings r gone his credit card debt is building and i always took good care of my credit now i am afraid if he has to file bankruptcy coz he cant pay off this debt wat will happen to my credit? i depend on it
     
  6. ravioli1970

    ravioli1970 Bronze IL'ite

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    he has been doing it for most of these yrs just helps us pay the basics which is a relief but his credit card debt rises as he does not know how to manage in less so its a double edged sword. i am just trying to pay off this house by putting extra towards the principal dont see any other hope. thanks for thinking abt me and emotionally helping me thru this as we dont see a way out
     
  7. ravioli1970

    ravioli1970 Bronze IL'ite

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    saving money in usa is impossible tempetations eveerywhere and i dont think we ever splurged. always stuck to basics, didnt waste, or atleast i shud say i didnt. so when u live like that what else can u cut back on
     
  8. happydheivanai

    happydheivanai Silver IL'ite

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    U r telling u bought house 20 yrs before that time house will b less than100k know...if u r not able to earn properly y u didnt go back to India that time...
     
  9. ravioli1970

    ravioli1970 Bronze IL'ite

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    i dont understand?? i am earning but have been working p/t as my kids were little! why wud i go back to india?
     
  10. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    If he isn't willing to seek counseling or take up whatever he gets but just live in denial, what can you do? It's harder for you because you have no control over how he manages his setbacks.

    I also don't think you should be too sympathetic to his situation. If he has stayed in a room in DC, that's because his situation started more than a decade ago and he didn't act then. There are umpteen ways that he could use his education and experience to leverage positions in other related areas. When you can go work in a school after a financial services BG, why couldn't he move from one allied field to another? Even now, after years and years of having a struggle to hold down a job, he is thinking about why this happened to him. Not how he can help himself get to a better place. You have a lot of patience for your husband. If I were you, I wouldn't be this understanding. I hope you are able to pay off the mortgage and have a roof over your head always. I also sincerely hope you don't have to depend on kids to meet your needs as you both age. It's a situation nobody should be in.
     

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