Scared- Family Planning

Please, don't be offended but I feel you still not matured enough to understand what a relationship is. I cant just blame you but part of our society contributes to it as well. Parents and society expects us to be a virgin(in body, mind, talks etc) until wedding night and they would also assume that you will know everything just after marriage. Some of us get educated on them as the need arises and some stay ignorant for some time or life time. I also see you talking about control issues. You can't imagine everything. Son's will support their mother. You have to take a stand for your stuff. Overall, just not being intimate means there is no 'oneness' in you both which will be greater problem otherwise. Well, I'm just pointing out things so you can be aware and take steps accordingly. Rest is your decision.

 

This advisory seems quite unempathetic! Your feelings about the deed are not all that unusual. People could be averse to (biomedical) procedures that are invasive.

Married people are expected to treat the spouse's microbiome as their own. However, this might take some getting used-to in many cases. Even couples who have very active sex life may draw the line at sharing tooth brushes, even in a dire emergency. [I had noticed your concern about dental health in another thread]

When you went to counseling, and they gave you the Nike byline (just do it), was your husband with you ?

I bet what puzzles most readers of this thread is the behavior of the guy in a marriage. Even when there is a wrapped Christmas Gift, boys will be on pins and needles, i.e., in extreme anxiety and utterly impatient, until they open, inspect all the parts, and see how they can play with it.

And you are telling us that you both hadn't opened and used the gifts in three years, and he finds it a chore, etc.. If he hasn't gone to counseling about all this yet, perhaps you must think about taking him along, because many of the things you might be encouraged to talk at a couples counseling session, you are apparently not able to talk to your husband on your own twosome.

 

OP, I think you have some kind of phobia regarding sex. May be you are not asexual. Unless we go through the process we wont understand how it is or how enjoyable it is or how strong your libido is. Do you have any self esteem/ image issue. Just doing it may be the way to go. But if your dh is not into it how can it is possible.

May be an intervention by psychologist and sexologist combo can help you. Sex is a beautiful aspect of marriage. What surprises me is the attitude of your dh. Its quite unusual for a normal man to behave asexual way for these many years. Is anything wrong with him. Is there any kind of intimacy , love or romance in your life! Is he creating this weird thought in you as he dint want any sex with you. Is he satisfying himself.

Being an adult you should be able to explore it. You can get sexual education by going through many books and sites. Just like to warn you incase you realise later what you have been missing in your life.

You will have physical relationship with your dh. Having sex with partner is about sharing. It's making love. Unless he force you into rape, how can you consider that as a power game.

I don't know why you think about MIL while thinking about intimacy. If you get pregnant after these hardships,who will win. You MIL. You will face more issues in future for sure. I suggest you to fix your marriage. Stop worrying about MIL. Take your own time. Enjoy your life . IVF is not easy . Why you should take all these pain while your dh neglect you completely without giving you or trying to give you a normal life.

I also wonder how was your family and parents married life. Generally parents are our role models in many ways. Did you face abuse or trauma in child hood. Sometimes those can create issues later in ones life.

You dont have to answer these if you dont want to. This is just my wild thoughts to help you introspect.

I honestly feel that being an adult you should try to understand what exactly you want in your life instead of yielding to someone elses wishes like MIL. This is just to make sure that you will not repent your current decision later. So have an introspection, think really well. Seek help if needed. If MIL ask you anything about it ask her to talk with her son and not you. Or ask your dh to talk to his mom. Why you should face humiliation.

You can learn from many articles on internet and videos in YouTube on how to prepare for pregnancy. I have taken folic acid and vitamins during TTC. Also consult gynecologists. They will guide you well.. Seek professional help. Go for pregnancy only if you are physically and emotionally ready for it. It's your body your decision. It should not be for satisfying someone elses ego. It's your life and your choice. Every one should respect that. Good luck

My intention here is not to hurt you in any way. If you think in that way , please ignore it
Thanks

 

Not all people can plan their pregnancy. Every attempt to get pregnant naturally when both the partners are super fertile is only 20% . It's better not to postpone pregnancy. It is just not in your hands. With your PCOD condition its better to start trying right away, than regret later...........

 

Seems like a troll .
If not, sorry op

 

It will be the opposite. He will support you