Sorry Long Post , Venting Out

I think you are imagining too many things. Are you dealing with any other stress ?
Since you are going back to work is it possible for you to hire help. I'm not sure if your MIL has problems taking care of new born but you are picking on her. Your anger is not justified. Please find the root cause and fix it. You are harboring some negative feeling against her. Don't spoil life time relationship .Why not go to parents place and get some break from this environment. Change of place always helps.

 

@Ishaan10 - did you actually in words ask for help? did you communicate your concerns with her? When you have to take a shower or when you are hungry, ask her for help. Ask her to hold the baby and finish your food and shower in may be 5 - 10 mts. She is already helping you with your older one. Just take it with a pinch of salt. You can forego your ego or emotions and reach out. you need help and remember she is HELPING. it is not her responsibility. Imagine, people who live far, cannot afford help and they are managing it. You can and you will. if maid is taking care of the cooking , let her. Be nice to her, whatever she did in the past forget and move on (easier said than done). but it will save you some sanity.
And keep this in mind - your kids are YOUR responsibility, YOU are the one who has to manage. She is just helping.

 

Please get over this ... she dotes on your elder one and helps out ... but she has not been over involved with second kid and you are so upset ......

I guess give her some time , handling two kids at old age is not easy.

You are clearly overwhelmed and looking to blame some one else.

 

OP you need to think about all these before having kids. Like most here said, the kids are parents (mom n dad) responsibility not grand parents. You and your husband will have to takecare of your child. No one else, period.

It is your house too.. if you want your mother to stay, let her. MIL can behave however she wants.. your mom came to be with you and her grand children.

It is always there, the difference. So when it comes in the future you can handle it then, Don't lose your santity now on something you have absolutely no control.

Enjoy your baby and motherhood and don't feel ashamed to ask for help. Ask whenever you need. and from whoever you need and always be grateful for the help you get.

 

First thing do not expect . And yes many have worst mils,than yours... so what ever little she is doing is more ..
do not compare yourself to her daughter,she will not do the same..
We do not consider her as our mother then do need for her to consider u as her daughter..

See I know it’s more to do with hormone ,u just stop thinking of mil what she is doing or not consider u living alone..
my mil did everything in co sis house but in my house she does not lift a finger n at the end who turned to be bad dil ME..
U too do not give her the importance but it is true too that it’s more what she is doing.. if u want call your mom .
Do not waste time on mil issue I lost mine in years . Enjoy the moment u have with the little one..
have both in room sleep ask the old one to hold him get pics . Mil is going to be there to spoil but this moment will go very soon ..I lost it u don’t loose

 

Can understand your feelings...being a new mom is overwhelming, you have two kids to take care of..hire additional help if finances are not too tight..
When u get stressed, just imagine condition of other moms who live abroad and manage everything on Their own with limited family support and no domestic helps..
The reason for the behaviour of your MIL can't be speculated as I dint know what I s running through her mind..is it some physical or emotional constraint or some other reason due to which she doesn't hold the baby for long..for time being be grateful for her help in looking after older kid..
More the expectations you have from her more disappointment you will have ..
U don't go overboard with the domestic chores, don't expect her to be very proactive in helping either..just request her clearly in soft way to look after the baby during bath time or cooking etc..
Don't depend on her to hold the baby..instead Please invest money in proper baby gear..
The baby won't move much for some more months..right now get a play may or a play gym...
Buy baby bouncer or infant to toddler rocker..these help to hold the infant securely, rock the baby when uneasy and also to keep occupied while you do chores..even if you strap the baby securely onto the baby bouncer or rocker, or leave baby on playmat or play gym next to where your MIL sits, along with a few simple toys like rattle etc she can just watch over the baby without holding the baby unless there is too much crankiness..
A baby stroller or pram can be used at home as well.
A simple playpen also can be purchased at reasonable price...for baby gear if u go for brands like Luvlap Meemee etc u get stuff at reasonable prices..pre owned ones can also be got online if u don't mind used gear...believe me they are so useful and will help you to relax to a great extent on this issue..

 

Have u tried using a baby carrier? Many moms use it and find it useful if they have to manage baby on their own along with chores..