How To Raise 4 Yr Old ..do Not Know Anymore

@sanjuruby3 , how old is your DD? Does she nap at school?

When we were going through the phase of sleeping late, we changed her from a napping classroom to a non-napping classroom and that helped. She would start getting sleepy early.

Also, in my case, with my younger child, what I discovered that she did not know to play by herself, she constantly needed someone to play WITH her. And we, as parents needed to arrange our schedules to be available to play with her. So if I had kitchen work in the evenings, the only way I could keep her engaged was with the TV. What I started doing was to encourage her to get her toys out to the living room, close to the kitchen so I was able to spend time with her, while I was doing stuff in the kitchen. Also, like Viki mentioned, meals were kept simple and cleaning up was happening simultaneously while cooking, so it got a little easier.

What also worked for us was to tell her in advance that she is allowed to watch only 1 episide after school. And we strictly turned off the TV after that 1 eposide or whatever, and we were available at the end of that episode to engage her in other ways, like painting or a board game or something, so that she is distracted enough to forget the TV. My husband travels a lot and often, it is just me handling the kids. Since your husband seems pretty absent, just start treating him like that, and do what's convenient for you.

You mentioned cooking breakfast, what exactly are you cooking in the morning? Get the child used to eating cereal or bread, things that you don't have to specifically "Cook". If you have an instant pot, keep some pasta in it the night before on delayed timer so you just have to mix the sauce the next morning to pack her lunch. For the evening, prep by keeping dal and rice on delayed timer before you go to work in the morning so that you are not starting from scratch in the evenings. If possible, chop vegetables over the weekend and put them in the fridge so all you need to do is get the out, steam and tadka. While this minimal cooking is going on, just straighten up the kitchen a little bit.

THe key is to find smart ways to work, and not get stressed. If you are stressed, you are in a bad mood and obviously teh child is bearing the brunt of mom not being in a good mood. Which means the child is also reacting unfavorably. Be a happy mom, ready to engage with the child and just see the difference in how she would react to you. Prioritize her needs, if that's resulting in a messy house, so be it. You will eventually find time to straighten it! If husband invites people home, just have a good time with the friends yourself. Recruit them to help you with cooking, like ask a visiting friend to help in chopping or clean up while chatting with them. Understand that providing food and keeping a clean home is not your responsibility alone. Show husband that if he doesn't cooperate, entertaining will happen as-is. If friends are exposed to a messy home, so be it!!

All the best!!

Editing to add, my kids have always showered in the mornings, before school. It is definitely convenient in prepping them to set them into a routine. Wake up, brush, straight to the shower, get dressed, breakfast and school. You wake up about an hour before the child, shpwer and everything yourself, wear home clothes, get dressed while daughter eats breakfast and leave the house with teh child.

Editing to add some more things that helped me -

While making dinner in the evenings, I would ask my children to help me clear out the dishwasher, like making it a fun chore. I would ask her to climb up on the counter to put cups and other stuff and she would find it fun. Similarly, I would ask her to sort the spoons and forks etc., like a game.. anything to keep her with me and not want to go to the screen.

 

Yes he takes shower in the morning and evening. This has been like that since he was a baby. Morning shower is more to wake his body. He will just play in the water for a while. In the evening he takes it just before dinner. I don't spend time with him there, i just help him in removing/putting on clothes rest all he does on his own.

I wake up at 6 and have everything planned & ready. For my DS morning is a routine, he gets ready in about 30 min. Not much fussing as he sleeps by 8:30 and loves going to school. Mostly my DH takes care of him.
Breakfast even my DS is picky, i give him cereal bar, home made cookie, muffin or lemon rice. Most of them are prepared on weekend. Out breakfast is typically tea, egg and some leftover which i make in a batch. For lunch its always previous night left over. Morning I make DS lunch, pack our lunches, prep fruit, cook eggs & prep rice for night. It takes me 1 hour.

I did read your other post, and my DH is some what similar, so i try make balance. My DH also love movies, i allow him to watch after my DS goes to sleep after 8:30. On weekend night i don't care just give him his freedom. It depends on u and DH to make a balance.

Dishes and cleanup I do after my DS sleeps or during his dinner time. We do dinner together, while he finishes his i dinner i do cleanup. I don't feed my DS, its a huge time saver.

Don' stress about simple things like dishes, keep ur priorities and work accordingly. As @peartree said involve ur DD they like it. Some of my time savers are:
1. Weekend/night prep work
2. Not feeding DS/ or giving him bath/shower.
3. Keeping my DS in schedule. main Bedtime, food & wake uptime.
4. Investing on kitchen programmable gadgets like Instant pot. Use of food chopper. oven and make simple meals.

Keep in mind, Ur health is more important than anything.