Mil-dil

Thank you for your insight. I agree with everything you said. I always wondered about the issue that so many daughter in laws face with their mil and the "Why" behind it. Since my two little boys were born and are growing I know one day I will be a MIL too and in that context I try to understand MILs. In IL forums, so many DILs suffer by their MILs. I tend to believe this is real suffering - atleast most of it (I say most only because we don't have all perspectives). MILs go through so much trouble to find a girl, get their sons married to her, and after that why do they treat them so badly. Should'nt they be happy that their sons are leading a happy life with this girl. Some ladies in these forums have been married for 8-10 years and they are still not accepted by their MIL. A psychology I do not understand. You are but one voice (I totally respect your perspective) but I wish more MILs would add their input here so we get a collective understanding of this behavior - the why behind this "hateful" behavior to the girl they found worthy enough to marry their son (I am sure after going over multiple girls) and then not supporting the life of this girl with her husband in their house. I would be most interested in hearing from other MILs in the forum, different perspectives are welcome.

 

Society has given a boys mother the status of a self sacrificing angel. Most mother in laws misuse that status. My husband married according to his mom's wishes. He never says no to her and is the most obedient son on the planet. Even then he is made to feel guilty for not living with his parents etc. The daughter of the family ofcourse has no such obligation towards her mil. She married without her future mils consent and is taking her hard earned money from her now. Also says that her mil is a little crazy. Who knows what she is upto. But the criminal in my mils life is her dil who has destroyed their family. Frankly I am not going to treat her like an angel when she is not one.

 

ROFL!! I like that turn of phrase. Nicely put !!

Reminded me of the other dialogue that began with "frankly"....

 

Periamma,

Thanks for the wonderful post and I want to post what I think

My MIL always says that she herself has suffered at the hands of her own MIL, she has listed those things to me and I have to agree and acknowledge that she doesnt do any of those things to me. Partly because unlike her MIL and her, I dont like with my MIL all the time. Anyway - point is, my MIL did have the "I wont do what my MIL did to me to my DIL mentality). BUT, she has not been a good MIL either . She did a TOTALLY different set of things that I know will be on my list of "what not to do to my DIL". I just feel like the list of each MIL keeps growing with each generation with no permanent solution - which is scary to me , because i dont wnat my son's wife to hate me the way I hate my MIL.

 

Sweet punch line ....that ! Hahaha...

It is all in the way we raise our sons. If he is bright enough, he'd marry a smart girl, who will not hate the way we did, but will find new and different ways to hate.

 

Hi Periamma
I appreciate your views on the subject and I accept each and every line of it. But many things will happen under " idealistic conditions" which I really doubt.
I have been a dil who never interfered between mom and son duo emotions. I have never questioned my dh on his spending towards them. I had been a " yes Amma, ok Amma" kind of dil for all the " instructions for own good" , taunts, shoutings for 3 years. Even then I was labelled as a bad wife, dil and a lazy bum. And then one fine day when I stood up for myself with a low,stern and confident voice, that day was an inaguration day for the grade 2 level of treatment. I was being abused emotionally and mentally which continues even today. And as an added bonus I am being treated badly inspite of staying beside them in needy times while my cosis who does not even stay for a day during their india visit is treated with utter respect. And Now the bad wife, dil( that's me obviously) has even got a promotion of bad mother because she has decided not to quit her job. Only difference is my perspective towards all this has changed and in this journey my maturity levels has grown up proportionally to her immaturity levels.
And still I am silent and calm dil who keeps fighting within herself and god that why all this is happening.
Sometimes being good is also a curse.
I might sound harsh but this is the reality of my life