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Is Marriage A Set Back For The Career Of A Working Woman?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SGBV, Nov 7, 2018.

  1. Jazmine83

    Jazmine83 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi. To get here, i went through a lot...i have been doing part time jobs since 18. Worked hard at studies and passed out with honors. Took risks, invested in land, stocks..saved up. My dad is affluent, but i wanted my own identity. Had an arranged marriage to a guy making 20k a month and it was a disaster!!..comfortable amount of money is good but beyond that it doesn't make one happy. Left that marriage and married a friend of mine. I am certainly at peace and at a happy place now...
    My guy is no prince charming :). V both can meet or beat each others craziness. But i can say confidently v both are good ppl...getting close to 3.5 yrs in marriage, no issues with MIL..infact my MIL told me this..you are the result of me going to temples all these years ...this is possible only because my h and i are working together on this :)
     
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  2. citygirl

    citygirl New IL'ite

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    58B31F9F-DBB1-4AFB-9B58-20C1CCE0B301.jpeg Marriage by itself no but having children is definitely a career set back for most women unfortunately. (Above image based on a study from Denmark.)
     
  3. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    If u ask me it’s yes.. not just career in all other area as well.
     
  4. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    - Always be financially independent. If not currently earning, have the ability to start earning at short notice.
    - Save. Plan for bad times.
    - Marriage is a nice to have, not a must have at any cost by a certain age.
    - Kid(s) are optional, not a must have by a certain age.
    - Know yourself. Identify what you want to do in life. Revisit that as needed.

    If the above can be modeled and imparted with some level of success to a girl or boy, the parent has done a good enough job.
     
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  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    This is obvious, and this is something we all anticipate. This doesn't come as a shock by the way. So, the woman has enough time to plan, think and invest (not just financial investment, but investing on relationships, support system, knowing available resources that may be helpful down the line such as day care, a reliable friend/family member to run to, a hygienic place to get home food at times cooking is impossible, training and preparing husband to cope, minimizing the professional targets (and opting for flexible jobs during these years) etc..etc...
    Having children is definitely a set back for any woman for a certain time. This is inevitable.
    But it doesn't mean, kids are the full stop to a woman's career.

    Kids grow, and the life style eventually changes.
    Roughly a 3-5 years of a woman's career life may be at the hardest after the arrival of kids. But your previous records (such as 5-10 yrs of experience before kids) and your qualifications with your attitude can bring back everything in your career as soon as you start your second innings.

    There are women, who were on sabbatical and then moved on to flexible jobs due to cancer treatments and follow-ups for 5+ years, have started afresh a new life and a career at my office.
    There are women who have started their career life only in their mid 30s (after sending their children to middle school boarding places) and now completed 25 years of service at my office around their retirement.
    There are women, who have quit their corporate career to become home-makers after marriage, but started small business later on when their kids have started schooling. They are now successful entrepreneurs.
    There are women, who invest a lot on early childhood development, supportive counselling, interior decor, cookery, blah blah blah... and be valued as irreplaceable support for all at home. They are successful, and proud home-makers too. And they are not at all dependents, but their entire family depends on them.

    Whatever your choice may be. Be in charge of your own life, and stay happy and successful.
    So that, your off spring can be inspired by you, and learn from you.

    My successful home-maker mother is my role model. And I am very proud to know that my DD counts me as her role model.
     
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  6. citygirl

    citygirl New IL'ite

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    Your reply is really positive and motivating. I agree with you.
     
  7. preeti6years

    preeti6years Silver IL'ite

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    I really loved this, as this is the phase I am into now. Since the time I got married, my career took a bad hit from some reason or the other. The more I tried to improve, the more it was slipping off my hands. And then there was a time where I was struggling with ttc issues and had to make it a top priority. I was feeling odd to get permission at work to leave early for checkups and treatments. That was when I took a sabbatical to work on my stress and other treatments. But this phase turned out to be a different story altogether. But I conceived.
    Post maternity leave I joined back work. But I am facing severe challenges. People who got used to my "managerial skills" at home did not want me to join back. I was stubborn and joined back. I am facing issues because of all these on daily basis. But I have decided not to give up.
     
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  8. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    That's the spirit. Don't give up.
    In fact, I have had all the hardships in my career since marriage. Before that, I was on the ladder, climbing so fast and so easily in my profession.
    Marriage made me to resign from my favorite job, and I took my first sabbatical for 1.5 years (including pregnancy and post delivery) for the first time.
    I could have worked till the delivery date, but I couldn't handle it with my complicated marriage back then. I took this break to settle so many things at home. So, I don't feel bad for losing those 1.5 years in my career at all.
    Then, career became a pressure with a newborn. I had to struggle even for a smaller thing, which I would have done in a blink of an eye before marriage. I hanged in there, with the hope that everything would be fine one day.
    When things seemingly turned back to almost normalcy, I conceived for the second time. Totally an unplanned pregnancy though, but the best ever thing happened in my life.
    Again, the same roller coaster ride. But this time, marriage and family were almost settled, yet I had to battle other issues such as my health, H's profession, day care etc.
    This time, I could not cope with my demanding job at all. I realized that I am losing my self confidence slowly, and which will seriously impact me both personally and professionally if I continue the same.

    Thankfully, I had enough savings and some wise investments to depend on, as I never wanted to financially depend on anyone/anytime.
    This gave me the courage to resign my dream job for the second time. But, unlike before, I didn't have to stay at home all the time. I looked for consultancy positions, part time jobs and some flexible posts in the mean time for 2.5 years to keep myself updated and transit better.
    In these 2.5 years. I've established a strong support system. It is not an easy task though.
    But now, I have everything established at home so well, and I could even leave my home for max 1 month by leaving everyone/everything at the care of my H and mom, with the helpers around.
    With this hope, I've returned back to my dream post, with a promotion this year.

    So... Don't worry... Hang in there. everything will pass, and you will have your time very soon
     
  9. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    No, but having kids is a temporary set back on a woman's career, I believe.

    My mother was a working woman. She always conveyed to us that its important to be financially independent. It inspired us a lot. I was very determined to work after marriage as I found out that its impossible for me to enjoy a life managing home/kids alone or depend on anyone financially. My condition to the groom was that I will continue to work after marriage or after having kids( I will never give up). I agreed to marry only when they agreed. So marriage was not a set back for my career in science field. But having kids was. Fortunately, pregnancy/delivery etc was normal without any complication. It was very difficult to mange my career, home, every thing myself alone in USA. It was really a struggle especially after having second kid. It took me almost 1 to 1.5 yrs to gain back my brain power (like focus, memory, concentration etc..) after each pregnancy. It definitely affected productive side of my career. But somehow I managed it. Like @SGBV conveyed above, the life is getting back to track after, 4-5 years of second pregnancy. Now its much easier to manage everything. Determination is the key I believe. but still I cannot work for long hours like males because I have to manage home and work. It was not the case before kids. I used to work really hard and was very productive earlier.

    When I look back I wonder, how managed all these with no external help, I cannot imagine it now. When kids were very small, going to my work place after dropping them/picking them in day care was a night mare especially in winter. Every morning you have to feed them, then dress them up with shoes ( i hate it), jackets, then take them to car, make sure seat belts are done well....again the same in the evening with BF & sleepiness nights in addition to cooking & cleaning. It was horrible as my body was also very weak. It took me a few hours to regain strength to focus on my job every morning. The situation improved slowly with kids gaining more independence. Taking a break was not wise in my case because it was/is not easy to get the same position back in my field.

    One mistake I did was that I neglected my self, skipped breakfasts, there was no time to relax, which lead to health issues later, as it was too much for me to handle. So I suggest everyone to take care of themselves very well. Only then we can focus well on career and home well. If there is a will, there is a way. I am still learning how to manage everything more efficiently. I hope I will get there soon.

    Life is a pursuit of happiness. It up to the individual to decide what they want and select the best option for them. But if a woman is career oriented like me, giving up the job forever is not going to work well or bring any happiness. If they are determined, they can build their career well even after a break. So you need to know yourself very well, your passions, or what you want to do in your life and then plan & work for it.

    And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
    ― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2018
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