Where This Married Life Is Taking Me To??

Hi @cutebarbie , I have read your recent posts and have posted my suggestions earlier too. Other IL members have given many options also to get out of this terrible situation . Now it's upto you what to do. Since you are so miserable, you have to decide and act on it .
Venting will not help unless you take a step. If you don't want to go to India, take up a job there in ME and take life from there. Since finding a job will take some time, try not to get worked up because of your spouse every day. IGNORE him. As long as he isn't stopping you from working , don't bother with him and his actions. Also don't look at finding a job to " show / prove " anything to your spouse . At this point , you should be least bothered with him.
Your family seems reluctant in supporting you and you yourself don't seem eager to go to India . Only if you make up your mind to go back, I am sure many doors will open up in terms of support , financially and socially.

In the most recent episode mentioned when your son got injured, you shouldn't have shouted back at your spouse just because you " thought" what had actually happened . Had it been me, I would have simply removed the crying child from the room and not engage in any verbal war fare with the spouse who already doesn't listen to me. Sometimes , not reacting is more effective than making the person realize their mistake.

Stop crying over him. There is no point of crying over anyone .

Accepted that you are living in hell. And we all have given you many ways to get your life back on track . One member has also mentioned a job at schools . Please do some introspection and decide.
Suggesting once again, try to record evidence of verbal abuse .

 

You have cried enough for this man. Silence is a strong weapon if you know how to use it. Why are you chasing an abuser. Why are you wasting your time thinking about someone who doesn't deserve it. Take baby steps..focus your full energy to you. Explore options and try to be independent.

Dont give any value to his words when he was angry. It look like he considers you as a nagging wife who dont give him any peace of mind or space when he is at home. Why are you chasing him. When he comes home, tell him food is on the table, or whatever you like, go to other room enjoy there with your kid , read books, watch movies or do something to engage yourself.

When ever these bad thoughts come to you try to divert your mind by doing something or even chanting or praying. Try to make your day positive as much as you can.

You can keep on crying for years. It wont create any change in your life. You need to take steps to improve it. Your kid deserves a better life. You too. Read all suggestions here again and again. Focus full energy on your aim. Determination is the key. Cheer up girl. Start action. Do minimum and completely back off emotionally from him. Even if he talk, give reply only if needed. Be kind and do your duty. Control your anger and urge to fight back . It's not going to bring you any change. Instead, explore ways to get out of your home and be independent.

You need to love yourself. So take care of your health, eat well, excercise and work on you confidence. From whatever you have written here you have become a very negative person due to all these events. Negativity repulse people. Only you can change you. Try to be positive. Be calm and have lot of patience till your life is back on track. Ask yourself what do you want. You get an answer.

 

I feel very bad when parents don't support their own daughter when she needs them the most. They must be worried about ur younger sis marriage proposals.

Look self pity won't help. As others said it's time for u to take actions. First try to find a job in Dubai or India whichever is more feasable. U badly need any kind of job. This will open further avenues for you.

Forget he exists in your life. Stop arguing and reacting. This will need practice and patience.

U r in my prayers dear. May God bless u.

 

Cutebarbie, you yourself read through your posts, do you realize the fact that you are bothering yourself about why he is on the phone all the time. Your kid is suffering as a result. It is not even you or your H. I was going through a similar phase as you. Only in my case, it was me who started off by looking at his phone. I deeply regret that moment when I decided to peek into his phone. I know you are not in a state where you can separate and leave. You don't want to burden your parents, you know very well going to your parents will probably not help, because it is you who should decide to help yourself. I am making amends - trying to ignore everything, trying to take charge, trying to not visit any social websites, and not talking about my H to anyone, but it is late and he is picking up a fights with me for one reason or the other. Relatives are equally horrible on both sides, they are actually fanning the flames instead of helping. I am trying to remain calm and still my life is getting dragged on to the streets. Our neighbors hate us, my older son is depressed and of course, I AM THE PROBLEM here. Why? Because I am reacting and not being proactive. And still I am looking for attention from him, I should accept the fact that I can't expect much from him. I don't even know who I can talk to. Now I think, it is no use talking to anyone. Who wants a whiff of my personal garbage? They can't clean it for me. I need to do it. Everyday I am detaching myself from him and so is he. The more you try to get attention from him, the more he will deny it to you. If you stop self-pity, think objectively, calmly and remove him from your thought process, things may improve. Always think that he is a stranger and behave accordingly. Put yourself on track and move on. You can't fix a relationship by yourself, the other party needs to help too. Don't expect help from him or anyone else.

 

OP, feel really bad for all that the child and you are putting up with. If you are in Dubai, please try to seek help from friends and relatives around. This is not a safe place for your child. Please call Soch foundation helpline- 800111. They help.

Incase of any emergency don’t hesitate to call for any medical help, Latifa is a Government hospital and is very good. They don’t require insurance specifically, only Emirates id will do. So worried to see the kid getting hurt, beaten. That’s why shared details.

Take care of both of you. Praying you’lol soon find a way out.