Travails Of A Would-be Father

Congratulations to you all @Greenbay. You should keep a copy of this for arth and aru..lovely names..let them bring in more meaning and brightness into your lives..

God bless..now jump to the parenting section..

 

GB,

What a great news! Congrats to you both. Welcome Aru and Arth.

GB thanks for making us a part of your journey. Best of luck!

 

Congratulations!!!

 

@Greenbay , Congratulations!

 

Am I reading "Chandamama Katha"

Kudos to you

 

congratulations

 

No, you aren't.
You have successfully completed the crucial stage by yourself. Kudos to you both.
Your in-laws shouldn't interfere with your arrangement; you should enjoy every phase and fine tune it to suit your home conditions. Good luck to your family, God bless!

 

From personal experience, I think it is better to have both nanny + grandparents, if you can afford it.

Maybe your wife will be convinced if you can share some of the benefits my family experienced by having this combo:

1. Easier to keep baby's schedule with a nanny: You can tell at around 1pm, can you start closing the curtains, and try to rock the baby to sleep and begin "wind-down", Grandparents will tend to flow with the babies' intention more - today he wanted to keep playing so we "let him" :-D All these are sweet indulgences of a grandparent - but having both means you can get the best of both worlds.

2. Food habits. Easier to give clear instructions to nanny and establish your parenting style. For e.g: "Please offer expressed milk in a bottle with the baby upright and then offer solid foods 30 mins later" If given a choice, my mother believed solid foods to be more nutritious - and it took quite some talking to convince her that no solid food is better for a baby than breastmilk for the first 1 year.

3. Nanny can be told to take baby on stroller to park or library story time every day at 11am. With grandparents, one day they may be tired, or they may not be physically fit enough to go for every day walks. With nanny, she needs to follow parents instructions whenever possible. And its important for babies to visually to see lots of different people other than just immediate family on an everyday basis (one aspect I failed to do in my child's first year - in his second year we are doing much better know that we know it's importance).

4. Grandparents will have time to take a nap in the afternoon while nanny is usually responsible for keeping baby asleep. Or one day MIL and FIL will want to walk to neighborhood grocery shop by themselves. With nanny they will have the freedom to do so.

5. Nanny can help with some home chores while grandparents play with baby - making life easier for all of you.

6. Current child-raising principles - Grandparents raised children with some slightly different principles. With them close by - you can learn from them as well as incorporate whatever you learn currently from pediatricians and your own research. For e.g. some grandparents hadn't heard of tummy time for infants, so they are hesitant to keep baby on tummy for more than a few minutes. Infants will protest but need to be played with to encourage them to be on it through toys, singing, etc.

7. Also when grandparent's leave at X months - finding a child-care provider will be tough. Baby may be in stranger-anxiety face and the transition time will be tough for parents and child. If you keep the nanny, you can have the flexibility to transition to day care when it is the right time for you and your child.

Other hearsay, some grandparents don't like to do diaper changes. With young child, you need to do this at least 3 to 4 times in the work day - so grandparents can get quite exhausted with just this routine. And at some point, infants know how to protest for diaper change - somehow nannies know the trick to distract the baby and do their job. Grandma will be like - ok, ok, let's do it after half an hour, keep playing for now.

Ofcourse just because nanny is there, grandparent's role is not undermined - the love they provide in their words, touch and just the positivity in the air will be so beneficial to child's mental and emotional well-being. Also grandparent overseeing the nanny - will give you confidence in her abilities. My mother clearly told me our first nanny was good at x,y,z...but not at giving him a bath - she said her touch is not delicate. So, I immediately switched to giving baby a bath myself before I left for work.

Good luck!

 

Wow! Heartiest Congratulations to you two, Greenbay. I have not been too regular here in the past few months. I seem to have missed out on this delightful diary you have kept. There was a lump in my throat as I read about how much you miss your mom, your ups and downs through the pregnancy along with all the attendant fears (I could almost feel the anxiety as you described each passing month until the babies were out). Your wife is really blessed to have such a sensitive and caring husband and you to have a supportive wife like her. Touch wood! Your diary should serve as an inspiration and example to other parents to be.

Thanks a lot for having allowed us to share in your journey. Loads of love, hugs and kisses to both the babies and lots of love and good wishes to both of you too.

@GeetaKashyap Geeta, thanks a ton for nominating this thread. Am so glad not to have missed out on reading it.