Overanalyzing And Overthinking Spouse

He could be suffering from anxiety. I am a very anxious person. I also have the Habit of imagining worst case scenarios. But I keep them to myself as my husband is not interested even in anything positive that I say. Well he needs reassurance that all is well.

 

My wife and your husband are probably long lost friends.
For everything we plan, my wife worries, what if that doesn't happen, what if the exact opposite happens.
Initially, she used to be extremely vocal about her worries to which I would snap at her, but it didn't work out well and she ended up getting hurt. I realized, it is rather easy to just hear her out and nod along. Now, I chime in and voice my worries at times but she still tells I don't care about us, about our plan and future. That said, in the last couple of years she has reformed a lot, she seems to understand the reasoning behind "all will be okay".

What helped in my case was, occasionally chiming in when she spoke about her fears and when she went too far down the path of "It is all doomsday" , I would invariably tell her, for example, our trip can also turn great, or we maybe upgraded to First Class tickets etc. (In Vegas we got upgraded to a whole swanky suite).

later on, when she worried about other things, I would always remind her of the things that went good for us in the past and how we faced and still lived through happily when things didn't go the way we expected.

It is essential part of life to realize and appreciate the fact that, things go south, hearts break, calamities happen, some irreversible ones but we will live through.

Unfortunately, our family system is such, we always teach kids how to plan and avoid hazards etc. but what we never teach them is, in spite of all the planning and caution, things can still go bad and we have to have the character, determination and the patience to face and win.

Remember, the advent of FB, Instagram always showcase good things in the life of friends. it kind of builds our ability to be happy on just good things alone and instills in us fear/insecurity of bad things happening to us when the whole world is happy.

Probably, volunteer at NGOs, take your husband along make him realize what all people go through. tell him, whatever happens you will live through that.


Last but what I will always remember is the story my Dad often narrated to us , the Story of Siddhartha(Gautama Buddha) . He was a born prince, the astrologer of the his farther's kingdom advised the king, Sidharth will abdicate everything and go on his own to be a monk, if he were to see the sufferings of humans. So the king ensured a very luxurious, sheltered life devoid of any suffering or knowing any sufferings of the humans around him or without the idea of sufferings, (You may google and read about it). At the end of the story, Dad would always " humans face problems not trees, we should learn to face and win those problems and not avoid those or run away"

that was long! hope it helps.

 

I think its the nature of some people.. I don't think counselling can change it. My own mother is like this..always worrying and analyzing things. I tried a lot to change her way of thinking but in vain.

 

Hi OP,
I understand what you are are going through. I had a friend who was constantly worried, she was always expecting the worst outcome, imagining various negative possibilities in every scenario. I found myself spending all my time and energy quelling her fears. It was so exhausting! So I understand and I can only imagine how very hard it must be being married to a "negative thinker". I always suspected that my friend suffered from an anxiety disorder. The good thing is your husband accepts that he is a negative thinker, which means if you were to suggest he would at least be open to therapy. I am not an expert but I would think therapy would greatly benefit someone with an anxiety disorder. If you or your husband wanted to find out if he really has anxiety disorder, there are some really good free psych tests online.

Don't worry too much bout your kids, you seem to be a very positive and optismistic person, you have been married 12 years and this has started to bother you now! I wanted to run away from my friend after 2 years You seem to be a very patient, and loving person, you appreciate the good in your husband even through all the negativity (you said "smooth sailing" , "ups" and downs).So I wouldn't worry bout your kids they will surely inherit some of your sunny side but do get professional help. All the very best to you, your husband and your beautiful children.