1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Please Help. Stressing Husband.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by PSpavi, Aug 26, 2018.

  1. PSpavi

    PSpavi New IL'ite

    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    I'm married for 4yrs. We were blessed with baby girl. After our wedding I was asked to leave job cz he wanted me to stay at home. Baby girl was born after 2yrs of our married life. Now she s 1.7yrs old n m d only one looking after her. Basically my husband works n he spend lot of money for his luxurious living. He spends all his money within 15days n then he keeps talking he has no money n M not helping him financially. My Mil is teaching him to ask me to work. He spoiled my career by not allowing me to work after marriage. I have a gap of 4yrs in my career. I was working in research field bfr my wedding. I ended my passion obeying my husband words. N I have a daughter. His mom won't look after my daughter not even she ll hold her. My mom is working. So I hv to leave her in a daycare which I'm scared of after watching all such horrible incident videos. N me myself was grown in smbody's house cz both my parents were working. I know how it feels for a kid to stay somewer. I'm completely helpless. Please suggest me how to overcome this. Talking with my husband never helped. How much ever I speak he keep continuing this. If I ask him let's go to counselling all he says is I don't have money. U earn n get money. He leaves home at 7am n come by 9pm n eat n sleep. On weekends all we do is fight. It ll start by his sarcastic talks wic makes me cry n he gets angry n finally he ll walk out of house saying I'm torturing him on weekends. Please help
     
    Loading...

  2. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,207
    Likes Received:
    5,845
    Trophy Points:
    425
    Gender:
    Female
    I can understand how you are feeling right now . I am in a similar situation.
    We will quit for the sake of husband and later we are the ones to suffer.
    Don’t know why some MIL’s are like that. Hmmm in beginning they keep quite. Then later they feel as if DIL is a burden for his son.
    Later keep pestering for us to work.

    Firstly we should never agree for such conditions before marriage. We should learn to be financially independent no matter what. That is the biggest lesson I learnt!

    And they won’t have idea that after some gap it’s not so easy to get a job.
    They won’t know that for getting job you need to upgrade skills.
    They simply feel that son is working so hard but DIL is enjoying son’s money as if it was our fault.


    Do whatever you feel is right. If you feel your kid is top priority don’t concentrate on job now.
    May be after an year or so when she starts going to school you can start applying for jobs . In meantime upgrade your skills.

    Next time when your DH starts about job tell him that it was because of him you had to quit and It’s not some menial job to get whenever he desires.
     
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2018
    PSpavi and GeetaKashyap like this.
  3. ashima10

    ashima10 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,344
    Likes Received:
    3,196
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Whatever happened has happened...try to look for work.
    tell your man that your daughter should never get a man like him.
     
    SinghManisha and PSpavi like this.
  4. PSpavi

    PSpavi New IL'ite

    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank u fr your kind words.
    M seeing ways to earn from home which will help me a bit. With so much trust we marry, if they break it, hurts so badly. With a toddler, m just struggling managing everythin alone. No concern about that. All he does is blaming me cz I'm not helping financially..pity this society
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  5. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,847
    Likes Received:
    1,956
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    I think the bigger problem here is his spending habit..When you work and earn, you will be financially secure..Let him also do the part as a father..Dont take all the responsibility of savings on your head.If you start the habit, it will remain that way forever. Make him start saving money, and start some SIPs so that all his money doesn't go in lavish spending.
     
  6. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,207
    Likes Received:
    5,845
    Trophy Points:
    425
    Gender:
    Female
    I know and some men can never understand this. They want us to be trustworthy but they will never be which is why the pain.
    Firstly Husbands and Inlaws who illtreat wife who is not earning must never ask wife to quit job in first place.
    And there are some heartless people inspite of wife earning she never gets the money she wants. They try to control even that.They feel wife is some child who can’t handle her own finances ,
    Sadly some woman can’t raise the voice even against such things.
    This is far worse than anything !
     
    dhivyacc likes this.
  7. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    942
    Likes Received:
    1,235
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    considering the fact that you have to work now. for a moment forget about your H. And also forget the fact MIL will not take care of your kid. But can she watch over the person who takes care of your kid. it need not be perfect. what i mean is. Once you get a job, can you hire a at Home nanny , who will take care of your kid fully. and all your MIL has to do is just watch that she is not abusing her. I am not asking your MIL to cook, clean or feed. Just watch that nanny while doing whatever she does.

    Stop worrying about past. cannot change it. retrain. and when you get job, split your salary to savings. because after job person like you H will become super calculative about your contributions.

    hope it makes senses to your H. where he can talk to his mom about simply overseeing the nanny. if that does not work. MAY the force be with you. Sorry. then you are sandwiched between 2 idiots.
     
    SinghManisha and dhivyacc like this.
  8. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    665
    Likes Received:
    798
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Op...
    Try looking for a job outside which gives better money.. you were into research before, look for jobs in that area. Dont underestimate your skills and plz dont look for something to work at home or from home. You know that its not worth it in regards to money.
    Kids have a healthy growth at day care now. Their social skills improve, they play and take naps on time and less addicted to screens.
    Your financial freedom will be good in future and now.
     
    SinghManisha, shravs3 and lavani like this.
  9. Dishaa

    Dishaa Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    227
    Likes Received:
    269
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Op,

    Before you join or start ur career in would suggest you to clarify certain things with your hus
     
    dhivyacc likes this.
  10. Dishaa

    Dishaa Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    227
    Likes Received:
    269
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Op,

    Before you join or start ur career in would suggest you to clarify certain things with your husband and both side family members.

    1. Kid responsibility to be taken care of by ur MIL. It's up-to you to decide she has to monitor or fully take care of ur kid.if she is not available then ur husband should take the responsibility.
    2. As ur husband is spend thrift be clear and specific about ur contribution in household expenses.
    3. Keep both sides of family in confidence while discussing .
    Best regards,
    Dishaa
     

Share This Page