Mind Over Matter: The Meditation Club

Discussion in 'Education & Personal Growth' started by Gauri03, Feb 14, 2018.

  1. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    You're far above the ordinary muddle-headed human Viswa. : ) When I am overwhelmed with emotion critical evaluations don't work. What helps is muscle memory. I fall back on familiar habits and behaviors that I have internalized over a long period through repetition and study. Some of these are CBT tools, others simple mantras, words and phrases, that help calm the mind or divert attention. Critical evaluation is only possible once the emotional geyser stops erupting and settles down.
     
  2. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @Gauri03,

    I am no super human being and that is precisely why I had mentioned about three major issues I had encountered as examples. You are absolutely right about emotional mind being incapable of applying rational thinking to resolve emotionally-charged events in our lives.

    When each one of us are in deep crisis mode with all our energy assigned towards emotions, there is a little voice in us that looks for us to hold on to something so that we don't get drowned. For some it could be mantras or chanting or praying while others it could be to look at the nature. After this, we limp back to normal life.

    Mostly, undesirable memories in our lives are strongly encrypted disappointments filled with emotions. Initially, we will be completely soaked in that troubling storm surge and over a period of time, it will be recalled once in a while when something triggers those emotions/memories. The application of rational thinking could happen later on during this period. We can understand the root cause, diagnose the reason, apply medicine to heal rather than getting hurt again and again.
     
  3. jskls

    jskls IL Hall of Fame

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    Over a period of time I learnt to stop recollecting memories both good and bad by myself. I had the habit of going back and losing myself in past memories but slowly cut down on it. Only when in conpany I let good memories to be recollected. This has helped me tremendously in avoiding pain. Don’t know if its the right thing to do but this is what the broken relationships have taught me. Move Forward:)
     
  4. BiriyaniAroma

    BiriyaniAroma Silver IL'ite

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    Emotional geyser doesn't stop on its own; not by intellectual long discussion on it.

    Try Vipassana. I have attended four ten days residential courses of Vipassana, first one in 1993, second one in 1995, third one in 2000 and the last one in 2018 Feb.

    As a Vipassana meditator, I don't believe in Philosophy. Nor do I enter into any philosophical intellectual discussions, which is purely a waste of time.

    We are trained to develop two qualities in daily life by practicing Vipassana daily morning and evening: one is awareness that is Awareness of being in the Here and Now ,not in future and not in the past. The second quality is , equanimity which means trying not to react to things that happen around us, which can potentially disturb us.

    All I can say is , just one sentence: try attending a 10 days residential course at either of the Vipassana centres near you. Locate a center near your geographical area.

    www.dhamma.org
     
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  5. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    We have discussed Vipassana early on in the thread and I agree with you on its benefits. I want to attend a retreat but it is not possible with my current commitments. For now I'm practicing mindfulness meditation on my own.

    That is a bold assertion! I don't quite agree with it. : )

    This is gold. This is the key to everything. I'll get there someday!
     
  6. cinderella06

    cinderella06 Platinum IL'ite

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    I’m trying to control recalling the bad memories and comparing with good days. I fell for this when things connected to bad memories happen. I’m trying to avoid those repeated cycles but it’s not easy for me. I feel like it’s never ending. For me going to temple and seeing the god without any thoughts is a form of meditation. Hope the cycle of thoughts will end soon
    Thanks for the thread Gauri.
     
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  7. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    One of the core tenets of DBT is Radical Acceptance. Like all other behavioral therapy techniques it is a skill best learned under the supervision of a therapist. I'll try to explain it briefly and if you want to delve deeper into the technique I can find some worksheets and handouts that could help. It has been shown to be quite effective in helping people cope with traumatic events and emotions that cannot be expunged from memory.

    Radical Acceptance means acknowledging reality as it is without fighting or questioning it. The thinking is that pain is a part of life. Everyone experiences pain, it can't be avoided. But when we reject this reality or get angry or fight it we experience suffering. Suffering means experiencing negative emotions like anger, hurt, frustration, humiliation, shame and so on. In short,

    Pain + non acceptance = suffering
    Pain + acceptance = pain without the suffering

    Elimination of suffering does not mean absence of pain. It simply means avoiding the negative emotions associated with the pain. Radical acceptance does not mean labeling your trauma as good or okay. It is not a rationalization of your experience. You don't have to suck it up or put a positive spin on it. It is simply an acknowledgement of circumstances as they are without judgement. You had a relationship that is now over. Accepting doesn't mean believing that everything happens for the best or you will be better off your relationship ended etc. It means accepting that, as painful as it is, the person you treasured has moved on. That is your reality. You don't have to be okay with it but you do have to accept it. Questioning reality is akin to wanting things to be different, and that is rejecting reality.

    'why did this happen to me?',
    'Am I unlovable, undesirable?',
    'It shouldn't be this way'

    Aside from causing you distress this sort of thinking will not change anything. This is why radical acceptance is important. It creates room for healing from the pain. To change reality you have to start by accepting it.

    The second aspect of radical acceptance is to understand that things don't just happen out of the blue. Every event has a cause, a long chain of decisions and circumstances that led to its occurrence. When you acknowledge that everything has a cause you can examine how much of it was due to your own actions and how much was due to the actions of others and extraneous unavoidable circumstances. While you can try to learn from your actions, the aim is not to blame yourself or anyone else, but to acknowledge that whatever happened did so for a reason. Once you acknowledge that there is a cause behind every event, it becomes easier to accept things as they are.

    The final step is knowing that even with the pain life can be worth living. You can spend the rest of your days stuck, wallowing in self pity, being miserable, lamenting what isn't, or you can accept that pain and still build a life worth living. You can feel sadness over the loss of these relationships, but continue working towards building a happier future within your current circumstances. There doesn't have to be an absence of pain for life to be meaningful or worth while.

    Accepting reality especially traumatic events is profoundly difficult. It takes months if not years of therapy to learn radical acceptance, so don't expect things to click right away. I will write more on how to practice radical acceptance in another post.

    *All concepts sourced from Marsha Linehan's DBT Skills Training Manual.
     
  8. kaniths

    kaniths IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes, please. It would be very helpful. I would like to try the technique. : )
     
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  9. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @Gauri03,

    Excellent formula to avoid suffering! Practically, the way I think is pain is inevitable and enduring the pain gracefully with acceptance reduces the suffering. Moreover, pain and pleasure are two sides of the same coin. We will never understand the pleasure, if we don't understand what is pain. The pair of opposites will have to exist for human beings to experience the value of both.

    Now let me say a few things about acceptance. How do I achieve acceptance of pain removing the emotional suffering? For that I focus my attention to three emotions a) anger, b) fear and c) guilt. Pain and associated sufferings in a relationship happen due to these three emotions. If there is a failed relationship caused for whatever reason, we are overwhelmed with anger. Even in an existing relationship, if it is driven primarily by fear, it is suffering in pain being in a relationship that is inevitable. If we are convinced the strained relationship and the resultant pain and suffering is caused by our own behavior, we are overwhelmed by guilt.

    Every action we perform has three aspects known as a) Receipt, b) Reaction and c) Response. If it not a high-value relationship, the pain and associates suffering can be eliminated at the receipt level. If it is a close relationship that was affected by certain circumstances, we react in pain and suffering for a fairly long period of time. During this period sincerely attempting to accept this reality reduces the reaction time. Once this reaction time is controlled or reduced, response becomes more meaningful. If the reaction time is reduced, a response that our mind doesn't buy in or a response that causes more pain and suffering can be avoided.

    Staying calmer, remaining without any fear and eliminating guilt are three factors we have to consistently work on.

    Viswa
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2018
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  10. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    There was a conversation between a psychologist and a patient. The psychologist recommended that the patient needs to take a pill to cure himself from the deep depression experienced by the patient. However, he cautioned, "Please don't think about the monkey when you take the medicine".

    The patient returned home and he was very happy that he found a cure for the depression. When he was getting ready to take the medicine, he was recalling what was the one instruction he gave not to do before taking the medicine. With great difficulty it came back to the mind that the doctor told not to think about the monkey. Having thought about the Monkey, with great disappointment he left the medicine in the rack knowing that the medicine could not be taken.

    The above example is powerful to learn how our mind works. If we need to remove the suffering, we need to remove the painful memories of the past. If we need to remove the painful memories, we need to think about how it affects our peace. If we need to achieve peace, the mind has to remain calm. If the mind has to be calm, there should be no negative emotions. If we need to remove negative emotions, there should be no painful memories and painful memories are the root cause of our sufferings. It is a vicious cycle.

    The solution to this problem is to reduce the reactions inside the mind on anything we think about. More than time limits for meetings, work time, gym time, it is extremely important to limit our reaction time. Reaction is internal in our mind and it keeps churning the negative emotions, trigger painful past memories, affects peace and enhance sufferings that is not visible to others. To a certain extent, if we have reliable friends, sharing helps as long as these friends won't use it to their advantage.

    Viswa
     

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