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Convincing Dh For A Second Child

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by chasingdreams, Jul 11, 2018.

  1. fourthaugust

    fourthaugust Gold IL'ite

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    Terminating pregnancy against husband's will makes me feel this way about op.
    Whether husband helped her or not is upto our imagination. Her husband sounded reasonable to me when he proposed her to send to native. Normally that's how husbands think. I get that we wives would never agree to such proposals .
     
  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Your husband is entitled to his opinion about not wanting another child. Usually in these situations the no vote wins, especially since you already have one child.
    However the past is done and nothing can change it. He should not be blaming you for what happened, since it was a mutual decision. And he should certainly not be using that as an excuse for his current line of thinking.
     
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  3. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Past cannot be reversed, worrying about it too wont help. Both of you have to agree to proceed further. Anyway try to convince him and agree with him its lot of work at this age /past pregnancy issues, but you are ready to do it for you first child. As technology is advanced, there are so many methods to test baby's health at any stage of pregnancy and being healthy you can have another baby.
    Better don't fight over the past termination or reasons if you want to convince him for another child. Just agree with him that was a foolish decision if he thinks so for whatever reasons. If you try to explain your side, you will never reach a common ground. Just say, you regret your decision and talking about it hurts you a lot, so let us don't talk about that painful episode etc .Slowly gain his confidence. Good luck
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2018
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  4. chasingdreams

    chasingdreams Bronze IL'ite

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    @Sunshine04 thanks for responding. My DH did help out a little bit. But he keeps long office hours. Whenever he was home, he played with DD ,bathed & gave her oil massages(few times) etc. Feeding, cooking ,cleaning were entirely handled by me. But there were issues like I am always in the kitchen or cleaning,not giving dd enough food, not taking her out to the park ,not being patient enough with her etc The usual new parents stuff. But as DD grew, things have gotten better
     
  5. chasingdreams

    chasingdreams Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks for this tip. I was always trying to explain.Wont try that anymore
     
  6. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    It's a very sensitive matter to terminate pregnancy and your husband may be still suffering from the guilt and regret . He may have decided never to have second kid , or else he will feel guilty that you both are having or terminating baby as per convenience . Try to understand what exactly he is going through instead of convincing for second kid . Anyway it is not even recommended at this age , can pose developmental risks for the child . So better let it go .
     
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  7. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Age alone is not a factor here for the health of the child. Plenty of people have children at OP's age and older and with all the medical technologies now this is not an excuse.
     
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  8. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with u many parents are having children at later age . But yes , higher paternal age ( above 40) does pose risks . So her husband's reasons are not unfounded . I feel both partners' emotions, reasons and readiness should be considered before having or terminating a baby . That's my point .

    I do agree with you , many people I know are having healthy babies at higher ages. And in general , we should not use age as an excuse .
     
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  9. chasingdreams

    chasingdreams Bronze IL'ite

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    @MalStrom you have given very practical point of view. Thanks
    @nakshatra1 Yes, there is some regret. But I don't think his reluctance to have another kid is because of it. Age is a factor.But since a lot of the people I know, including my cousins have had kids at around my age, the pressing concern for me is DH's stand in the matter.
     
  10. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    You cant be at 2 places at the same time.
    He could have employed a maid.
    If you had spent all the time with kid, then he would have complained about the house being dirty:grin:
     

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