Don't Like How Mil/fil Treat Dh - Should I Interfere?

I know your feelings but if you say something then all of them will attack you including your husband. He will never understand your concern. So just stay away as once you entered you will make a wall between you and them and they will never forget what you said.

 

Never interfere. Your husband does not accept that he might be affected by their constant putting down. As long as that is the case you will only be getting in the way. So keep quiet and do not point fingers at inlaws to husband.

Instead, you talk positively about him to everyone, say he made a wise decision here or about an accomplishment at his office. You listen to him about his achievements and be the positive reinforcement that he/humans require. May be, fil and mil will listen to your praises about him and gradually change. May be not. But your relation with your husband will definitely improve.

 

Maybe you are correct. It is very difficult for elderly persons to change their ways, I say this as I lived with my parents and they never changed their ways - how much ever I tired to explained to them. Understanding and patience might help. My apologies, I may not be the best person as I am not be aware of your situation as I have never stayed with in-laws.

 

For your inlaws , their son will always be their kid and they have got habituated to treat him that way . It's fine to talk to a teenager this way but parents slowly automatically realise when the son moves out of the house that he is an adult with independence and not a kid anymore . But if he has always stayed with his parents , then this stage never came . Your in-laws don't have bad intention or to control him - it's just they are used to always being like that . In their eyes they are doing good for their son and.your husband also sees it that way . So whatever you say to your husband he will not understand your point of view .

If you feel these things are damaging his self confidence then slowly change the trend in your house , by giving your husband utmost respect in front of everyone when they question his capabilities. You need not get into confrontational mode. Just say nicely that please give him chance , u guys take rest .. he will take care of the task . Explain to his mom nicely that he needs to sleep proper hours. Like others said , praise him for everything inside and outside the house . Solely change his image in the household to that of a respected man . Don't be scared to speak .. it's your home too . As long as u speak sweety and calmly with best intentions , nothing will go wrong and Wont look like an interference .

 

Have not been active for some time now... on / off visitor... could not resist responding to this !

I would say "watch out" and nib it in the bud..

You can "ignore" as long as there are only grown up adults living under the same roof and let each one deal with their own interaction with others.

It will get a lot more tricky when there are children in the picture. This situation will easily move from "you don't know how to fix a light bulb" to "you don't know to how to raise kids... so let me do it for you". It will be very very difficult for you to drive the message that your PILs had their shot at raising kids and now it's your turn. This grand dad "telling off" dad in front of a child gives a different message to the child and kids are quick at grasping these dynamics and use it to their own advantage and get things done.

Also, like it or not .. your PILs will trust /respect you only as much as they trust / respect your husband.

Better change the situation now rather than later. Start slowly and work through it. Do not start off on a war footing though.

 

Leave it. Thing will change later as they get older.
Are they insulting you??

 

If you want a peaceful life, it is better not to interfere. Your husband is an adult and educated man. You have to first accept it. If he is OK with it and can deal with it, better not to worry about. This is between son and parents. For parents kids are always their babies. So better ignore and dont over think about it.

One thing you can do is praise good things, if any, about your MIL or FIL or DH in front of them, so they slowly get the message. Also you can support your husband in a way that wont offend your PILS-First agree, then differ or explain in a sweet way. Try to enforce positive behavior. Don't worry about things you cannot control. All you can do is control your response in a smart and effective way.

 

No point in you breaking ur head on that. Ur dh should make it clear to his parents that it's humiliating to be treated that way even now after getting married.
Men don't take a stand so soon. They would like carry all the baggage as long as possible as they don't want to mess it up with parents