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Husband And Sil

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by bron, May 2, 2018.

  1. bron

    bron Silver IL'ite

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    Hi, i am married to my hubby for almost 4 years now and have a 2 year old daughter and we live in california..right from day one of our marriage my husband speaks with my sister in law (his sister) daily ..he leaves not a single day but speaks everyday wgen he drives to his office..he speaks with his mom and dad atlwast 3 times a day for 5 to 10 mins each time which i dont have a problem..but he calls his sister everyday and talks to her atleast for 15 to 20 mins each day and evening times he skypes and talks with her too..is this too much..i dont even know but i feel bad thinking this..i always why should he talk with her every day like its a duty..i have a sister and i dont talk with her daily like a routine..but this guys speaks daily on time..i somehow feel i should stop this..but dont know how :(
     
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  2. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    Every individual is different .If you dont talk to your sibling doesn't mean rest should follow the same .

    If I were you as long as I am not ignored and my dh is not talking behind my back especially our family related private stuff I would not be bothered .
     
    kalcandu, sindmani, guesshoo and 2 others like this.
  3. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    bron,
    Best is to write it with plainspeak, so here, ya go - Frankly, its none of your business how often he talks or how less he talks (especially when he does it on his drive which is his time).
    Really. So, best to stay out of it.
    As long as he is not disclosing some special secret of yours.
     
    Last edited: May 2, 2018
  4. senoritaaa

    senoritaaa Bronze IL'ite

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    My Husband is also like this to some extent. He calls up his mother almost daily ans sisters weekly . Initially I fought, But it only distanced us and the freq will increase . So better to ignore and move on.As long as you are not affected in anyway, let them talk.
     
  5. Rosey2018

    Rosey2018 Bronze IL'ite

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    I’ve only seen this with Men raised in India. I’m not sure why but I do find it strange. A married man should focus on his wife and kids as his priority (not to say he doesn’t). But when he goes to work he should focus on his work and leave family ‘at home’.

    He probably just does it to kill time and be nosey about what’s going on in her life. As you know SILs normally have all the gossip that MIL and FIL won’t say.

    Is your SIL married? Does her husband not mind? Her husband probably does it with his own sister...

    Is it affecting your relationship? How he treats you behaves towards you and your daughter? Does he always talk about her? If she’s starting to feel like the 3rd person in the marriage then that’s a problem. Some SILs are rude enough to use their brothers and not understand that it’s affecting their marriage. Their brother is an adult now and should be left alone to mature in his own life and same with SIL. Yet I see so many girls dependent on brothers even for simple things. Even responsibilities of SILs husband are given to the brother after marriage.
     
  6. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Just curious, what do they talk about every single day? It’s definitely your business if he shares details that you do not want to be shared. If he talks about the weather , their Rajesh kaka , their chandu mama or good chole bhature he had for lunch, just ignore. He’s just nibhaoing rakhi ka Bandhan !
     
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  7. bron

    bron Silver IL'ite

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    She is married and her husband comes home after work only around 11 in night and he speaks with her around 8 in the evening..her husband doesnt have a sister..
    as far my husband he used to always reprt everything happening in our life to his sister and we hsd fight and from then he stopped talking to her infront of me..but he speaks daily in car..and she tremies to involve in our life somehow by always saying her opinion and always asking him to do this and that..she wants to prove her presence evrytime in any matter..and i always have this feeling that my husband is under her control even when miles away in another country
     
  8. bron

    bron Silver IL'ite

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    Even i am not sure what they speak..he says he doesnt talk about us..but she has a say in everything and anything..she always behave as if i am 3rd person in tuier family and she hss something to with only with her brother mom and dad..she always speaks we should do this for mom and that for dad and involbes him in that and eont even treat me as a human..she acts as if i dont exist at all..she msgs to my mobile to my whatsapp ( when his mobile was not reachable)asking him to do something..but she dint even address me..she directly addressed him asking to do something for his mom..i dont know if i look like a fool to her
     
  9. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Some families are close knit than the others. I know a friend who talks to her siblings n parents every single day. They have a whatsapp group (no spouses in it) with just the 3 siblings (bro n sis) n parents n literally send pix of everything they eat to shopping to everything from their daily life.

    The hubby guy doesn't get it as he is not that close with his family. It used to cause problems initially, but it never stopped her, it only caused more problems between them, few years down the line he got used to it n the siblings are still as close.

    Until unless there's a valid reason like them being monster in laws, have never seen anything good come out when one spouse tries to cut contact with the other one's birth family, regardless of wife or husband. In some cases, even that monster in law problem doesn't help. As every one has a different connection with their birth family, some closer than the other, it's a complicated problem.

    So if he's not forcing you to talk or bother you about it, let him talk to his family. Trying to stop that is only gona cause more issues between you n him. And his parents n sibling's negative force will turn more on you n may start saying bad things about you which will create distance between you.

    You can set some ground rules though, like it doesn't interfere with your time or your family time. Or he doesn't talk about the personal details that happens between you n him. Mutual respect n so on.
     
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  10. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    Ignore and be happy; the more you try to control the more he will move closer to them. Only if you overhear something very objectionable, you should take it up with him. Otherwise, why should you spoil your or your family happiness?
     
    sindmani, blooms4me and Archanaanchan like this.

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