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How Did U Achieve?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Needtobestrong, Apr 24, 2018.

  1. Sunburst

    Sunburst Platinum IL'ite

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    Checking fb, friends, their lifestyle and then feeling a lack of self worth, miserable, slightest tinge of unhappiness or jealousy can happen to anyone including working women . You already have so much chaos going in your personal life that you should really consider going off social media for a while. Less people to see, less comparisons, more time on focus inwards, more acceptance of ourselves. What you see on FB is just like a typical bollywood happy ending , feel good movie. You don't know what goes behind the scenes . Most of your working friends may have got a lot of help from families . You don't have that help but you still have a maid which many of us in the west don't so make the best use of it.

    Career: Since you had a gap, it will be a bit hard to jump directly into the work force. Where do you see yourself 3 -5 years from now? Do you see yourself going back to IT?The gameplan should be to start setting small goals and try and achieve small milestones , slowly working towards your long term plans.For now, just focus on getting relevant certifications and training. Don't complicate the situation by thinking about job as of now. Celebrate and reward yourself for every milestone like getting a certification completed or a training done. Reach out to your ex colleagues and get their insights as to how you can get up to speed on a certain technology or field that you like.

    Time mgmt: Consider outsourcing as much as possible to the maid .The maid may not do the job as perfect as you but you need to prioritize your goals now and figure out how to get your high priority tasks done for the day (studying and cooking vs laundry, mopping). What is more important to you for the next few years? A perfect , spic and span house or a decent enough livable house. You can stick to just cooking once a day in the morning. Make huge quantities of curries , dal and at night just make chapatis to go with it. Pasta, soups and sandwiches can also be made healthy and quite easy to make. I don't know what your diet and food preferences are so can't comment much.

    Hubby: Seriously, no one gets any treats without doing something in the house. That rule applies to everyone including kids. Even kids know that they need to put their toys away or make their beds. You need to toughen up and set your rules. If he is so fussy, straight up ask him to eat outside or make do with whatever is cooked. If he loves inviting friends over, ask him to cater food from outside and also clean up after they leave. You don't have bend over backwards to please him. All this euphoria of having friends over will vanish in thin air before you know.
    Another help from him would be if you can get up early in the morning for an hour and also set aside an hour at night for your training and studies, ask him to take care of your kid. Most likely the kid will be sleeping but just in case he wakes up, hubby should be able to manage him. 2 hours a day will give you a solid time to study and that's a reasonable ask from hubby. Also, weekends dh can take the kids to a park so you can have more time to study. Assuming your kid is still napping so that's a good few hours in your hands.
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2018
  2. Brevity

    Brevity Gold IL'ite

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    Like some previous poster said, the crux of time management is prioritizing. Also you can't be at 2 places the same time. So if you are in college, you need a day/night childcare and a backup care ready.

    2 of my cousins had babies and then did PG in medicine around the same time. One of them had a very reliable MIL staying with her who took care of the baby day and night. She hardly saw her daughter till the baby was 2, she never did any house work, her lunches were packed and ready to go! Pg in medicine is gruelling with 48 hr shifts and so on. Both she and her daughter came out if it in flying colours all thanks to her super mil.

    The other cousin had a maid stay with her to take care of her son. The maid took off on certain days and would not be back as promised. My cousin had a tough time and she took longer to complete her course due to more leave of absence.

    Both of them had tremendously understanding husband's though.
     
  3. salad

    salad Gold IL'ite

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    “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. “

    Paulo Coelho

    I should add it all depends on your will power. Everyone got only 24 hours. But it is upto you if you want to spend it on cooking, cleaning, studying, working.

    Sometimes you have to demand or ask for what you want. If you look at excuses you will only get that. If you look for opportunities it will come in your way!

    Remember In school we used to have a time table. When to study,play,draw,eat! Same way you need a schedule now. Sit and create a schedule for you. Find at least 30 minutes “me” time. Dedicate it to your career or passion. Hand over baby to husband and quote it as “baby & daddy bonding time “

    Take one step at a time. You will get more clarity as you start your new journey. All the best.
     
  4. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    'Pleasantly surprised' is good, but then you do know that there's no end to all the comparisons right? You could work hard, earn your Ph.D., become a rock-star professor, get tenure at MIT, and then find out that your colleague next door not only has all of that, but is dating Brad Pitt to boot. There's no winning this war!:roflmao:
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2018
  5. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Holy Moly!
    Angelina’s ex Ho Hum Jolie
    Is now a bandook without a goli,
    Dating him now is colorless Holi,
    Like wearing saree with a old tattered choli
    Make no folly,
    He is no Virat Kohli !:tonguecrazy:



     
  6. jskls

    jskls IL Hall of Fame

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    Great sense of humor :clapclap::roflmao:
     
  7. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    Moved to Gabfest.
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2018
    Needtobestrong and Sandycandy like this.
  8. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    It is all about prioritizing your tasks, and things in life.
    If you really wanna to, you can do it.. no matter what the circumstance is.
    But do you think you really wanna achieve some degree, higher edu or job at this stage? or you crave for it because your friends and college metes were able to do it?

    Because it is really important as to how much you wanna achieve something? How and why do you want that?
    How passionate are you about it?

    I did a couple of very complicated international certification and licence (related to my job) after having my kids.
    Initially I had a tough marriage, and loads of issues going on with that. Besides, I didn't have a constant help from my mom around that time, as she had 2 unmarried children (my siblings) living with her.
    Yet, I managed to study, attend classes, handle the household chores, manage in laws' criticism and H's demands etc and successfully pass the exams finally. Successful clearance doesn't mean a paper exam, but a viva and practical session in abroad for a week at the end.
    I did that twice when my son was 1.5 yrs, and then 1.9 years. And once when my DD was just 6 months.
    That included taking medicine to control my breast milk, and giving bottled milk for the kid during that time. And then taking medication to resume my breast milk once I am back.
    A tough routine.
    But it is worth it.

    It is because my career was my priority, and completing such examination was utmost important in my career that time.
    So, I didn't consider that as an option, rather made it my first priority.
    At the same time, I worked towards finding alternative options to handle my other priorities like looking for some free times from the kids, chores etc.
    Loads of planning, and loads of adjustments both physically and emotionally is needed.
    Besides, loads of determination and satisfaction towards what you do is important.
    You also need loads of patience and hope when you are crossing a tough time in life.
    With all this, you would get familiar with this tough task, and could complete what you wanted to complete in no time.
    It is just a phase.

    I don't know whether I can study all over again or travel as much as I did now, though my kids are big and I have my mom staying with us permanently. Because I am not determined, and none of these courses or exams are my priority anymore.
    I can't even imagine how I did them before.
     
  9. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    @SGBV wow..u r indeed a talented and determined woman..:)
     
    sindmani and shravs3 like this.
  10. Rosey2018

    Rosey2018 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hmm the women that I know that have got a degree after marriage or job either studied/worked part time once their child started nursery. Its upto you what to decide. Have you got anyone to look after your one year old? I know some women prefer to stay with their baby for a few years to have that bonding as those days never come back. However its upto you what you want.

    In your housewife role, its upto you to change your husbands attitude. Tell him you have a baby so everything cant be perfect in the house. If he wants everything perfect then he needs to help you out becasue its not your fault.

    When he does invite guests to come over ask him to get food from outside. Dont cook and look after your baby. Your baby should be your priority. He/she needs you.

    You can do anything and manage anything in life but you need to balance everything. Yeah it is possible. Maybe you could start off with a part time course. So you can see how it works out with your way of life. A couple of my friends who got married young took baby steps themselves and by the time their children were in school they started their degrees part time whilst their children were in school.

    It feels like you're doing alot of housework and you feel overwhelmed and that you also want to study/have a job. Take it easy at home first. Relax a little and then search around for courses etc.
    .
     

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