Anxiety Issues

I have always been anxious. Anxious about marks, parents, job, marriage, kid and so on. Earlier the impact was not so profound as it is nowadays. Marriage took my anxiety to another level and after 4 years I am completely transformed into what I dont want. I keep regretting my decisions, keep overthinking about situations and people, my empathetic attitude is slowly fading and i am becoming self centric. This is draining all my energy. In IL I see many suggesting counselling but i didnt find any good ones here at my place. I have no friends or support system here. its only me husband and kid. I had been sick for few days now and yesterday was the worst. I even thought how good it would be if am gone forever and cried myself to sleep. I really want to wake up, fight against the odds and live no matter what for my little daughter. I am afraid my pain would affect her. I am a v v v sensitive and emotional person who cant ignore or take things lightly.

I want to know how do you ladies come out of that bad state of mind.

Also have anyone used online apps like iwill or yourdost. we need to pay 5000/- in advance for 7 sessions but is it worth?

 

thank you everyone. I am from India..I am employed and just now came back from my parent's home after 2 weeks vacation. During my stay, i caught a nasty cold and that made my life miserable. With fever, severe cough, I wasnt even able to get up but had to due to work commitments and no leaves. And also my biggest fear every microsecond was saving my daughter from this infection. I tried my level best but since yesterday she has started sneezing. I just cant take even such common issues lightly. i feel overwhelmed and cried badly yesterday hence wrote this thread.

All i want is being calm at all situations..any suggestions for this?

In case you know good counsellors in Chennai pl let me know.

 

Though i accept that i have anxiety issues, i am unable to take any steps. I cant even read a self help book with full concentration. The irony is am a scientist by profession and can read many technical stuffs/books at office. Once i return home, i start feeling overwhelmed. Every second is spent in over thinking. I switch on the TV with heaps of guilt on my head that am not doing anything constructive. But at 7.00 PM in the night am damn tired and all i want is sit back and relax. I did not get a care taker at those late hours. So I force myself to play with my daughter, read for her atleast for 30 mins before feeding her and putting her to bed. My H comes late and is of little help and I pour all my frustations on that man sometimes. How much ever i try controlling myself, i trigger some fight or the other and even if he stays calm i try pulling words out of his mouth till the issues go out of proportion talking all unnecessary things. He is no saint and does his share to irritate me. Yesterday a huge fight happened (the issue was he did not brush his teeth and started drinking his tea lying to me. I kept nudging him till he accepted and went back to the washroom. ) After he was back i was fuming in anger and i dragged it for 5 hrs straight. I have been telling it for ages that we need to photoframe one of our pics. he is adamant that he will do it after we buy a new home which will not be any time soon. So i kept asking why he cant fulfil such a small wish of mine for which he said do whatever you want but dont force me. I mean why cant he just do it to make his wife happy. it hardly costs 500/-. Now am lost in thoughts. I just want to control myself even if i see that the opposite party is doing something wrong unless it doesnt hurt me. Why should i care about his teeth? let it all fall and still i want to be least bothered. Such similar fights happen with my sister too who is a doctor..
I REPEAT i dont have any friends ad IL is my only place to talk. My parents dont understand my pain. For the outside world, i am a scientist and they preach their children to take tips from me. Deep inside i cry to all youngsters to live a life, make friends, break rules, talk more instead of studying hard, being disciplined and getting a great job. Though i publish research papers, get excellent grades at office, i feel i have reached nowhere and nobody is ready to acknowledge my pain.
This is a vent... Ladies do let me know incase you know good therapist..plsssss