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Need Guidance To Lead My Life

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Anjana124, Jan 27, 2018.

  1. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    I would also recommend some books to help you understand people/ situations . Daniel Goleman’s books on social intelligence, emotional intelligence are best sellers. I am sure there are other authors as well.
    You really need stop believing that you are not smart. So that would be a good starting point towards helping yourself. No one is perfect enough to judge your capabilities. Everyone is capable in their own way.




     
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  2. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

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    Though I am also in the same boat and whatever you said shows my character too which is very similar. From my experience I learned that whosoever is there if we know them little more then we can find their weaknesses. No one in this world is perfect. Perfection is a myth. A person is perfect in doing a task up to the time he meet another more better in that. So no use to thinking too high about anyone and too low about own self.
     
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  3. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    I think you have low self esteem.
    It doesn't matter whether you received your education by luck or by hard work. The fact is that you are educated. Not everyone is educated. So, you must feel lucky and worthy of it.
    Start counting on your blessings. You are married, you have kids, you drive a car, and you have a decent family life despite of you are not working. These are the luxuries that many people find it hard to achieve in life.

    Talking the fact and truth is not a crime. You don't have to beat yourself for the insecurities and inferiority of the people living around. Just that you need to train yourself to be sensitive to other's emotions.
    Eg: I eat beef, but that doesn't sound great among those who observe Hinduism or Buddhism in my country. So, instead of being honest or truthful about what I eat, I chose to lie sometimes. It helps, because my intention is to please the people around me, and not to hurt their emotions.
    But I wouldn't always lie just to please people with other matters like presenting myself as who I am.
    There needs to be a balance. Find the right balance, that is the art of life.

    If you feel like going back to work, then you need to try.
    You need to apply, you need to prepare your resume, and more importantly you need to prepare yourself for the exams and interviews. It is definitely a hard-work as per the current job market.
    If you have all the patience to go through this selection process, then go for it. If not, wait for your luck. Not everyone finds their job through this tough route. Some are blessed with luck too. But then, you need to accept other's comments about "your lucky factor" in life.
    You can't have the cake and eat it too.

    And finally, you need to accept one thing in life for your happiness. That, not everyone likes you.
    In my case, none of my in laws like me. Basically my PILs hate me, so naturally my BILs too don't like me. I can't expect their folks to have any liking towards me, because my PILs have never said anything good about me with their folks.
    But, I don't feel bad about it. Because I too don't like my in laws. So, the feelings are mutual.
    This doesn't affect my self esteem. Just because my in laws doesn't like me, doesn't mean I am a bad person. There are thousands of people who like me, who admire me, and who respect me.
    Why should I worry for someone who don't like me?

    It is more than common that DILs are not liked or not loved by PILs. You are not alone.
    Why bother so much, and please them more than they deserve for their likes. After all, you are not a FB display picture, which is set for likes. Have some self value, and respect yourself first.
     
  4. pranavi

    pranavi New IL'ite

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    You are so much like me
    I have the same problem
    I accidently talk something out of excitement and unknowingly it happens to be a sarcastic comment to the other person .
    How can we both talk more?
    Private message?
    My son was diagnosed adhd inattentive ,, i think i am too,, i get so emotional and feel bad if someone betrays me or avoids me and i keep thinking about
    the situations , thinking about my next move how to make the relationship better,, what they said, what i said
    I think think think and in return am not being happy and my house is a mess and am unable to give my 100% to my family.,,i stay in canada , you know health care is free ,
    I approached the doctor but they said i might have depression and i enrolled my self for sleep study which i need to pay out of my pocket,, so she said she will treat depression after i get my sleep study results, but i believe its not depression it is ADHD Inattentive..
     
  5. pranavi

    pranavi New IL'ite

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    Yes i have low self esteem and i have ego as well .... and my hubby doesnt talk freely with everyone
    I feel sad and i dont know how to come out of this mindset
    I feel angry if i come to know someone avoided me and only interact with me for some use ( like play dates or school pick n drop )
     
  6. pranavi

    pranavi New IL'ite

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    Since my husband doesnt talk much the other people also do not include us in their gettogethers only for birthday parties we are called as my kids have good friends around ,,as i keep taking them to classes and let them play in playground with other kids
     
  7. kalpas

    kalpas Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi

    Many people feel the same. Don't worry about not being smart. How do you say you are not smart? You are comparing yourself with others. Don't do that. Just BE yourself.

    From my experience:

    1. One does not need to judge other people. When you start doing that you start looking at people from their negative side. That will affect you. But you lean to understand people.

    2. Try to learn from the situations that you feel you have not been smart enough to understand.

    3. Some people are very smart and highly manipulative. They manipulate their spouse/kids/ parents/ etc. Such people have the smartness to keep everybody under their control. From my experience , I feel that kind of smartness is unnecessary. In the long run, people of that kind learn the wrath of everyone.

    4. But, as person, learn from your experience. You should learn to stand up for yourself. Don't allow anyone to pull your self-confidence down,

    5. Learn to take decisions by yourself for you and for your kids. If anything goes wrong dont worry, learn from it.

    6. In this world, there are many who will pull your confidence level down and make your worthless. It is upto you not to lose your sell-confidence, self-respect and self-esteem

    7. Take up a job. Spend good time with your kids. Involve yourself in something that you like to do.

    Good Luck
     
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