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How To Hndle Controlling Husband

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Tkverma, Jan 30, 2018.

  1. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Everything you say here, is literally the same thing I have experienced. Being nice and polite doesn't help, and neither does answering with any or no emotion.

    If you are sure that you don't want to stay with him, please start working on your independence. I don't know Italy's citizenship requirements, so I can't comment on that. If you no longer want to be in the same house or feel unsafe (and can financially do so), start looking for apartments, or some type of roommate situation, near your work. Not only will you be free of your husband's controlling and mental torture, you will be able to network and create a support system.

    Like @DDream asked, do your parents know, and what are their thoughts about this situation? You will definitely need some support, and while they physically cannot help you, at the very least, their mental support will help you be stronger.

    Since there is physical abuse, please research for resources for women in similar situations. There will definitely be more affordable housing, discounted legal help, etc. if you just look for it.
     
  2. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    I wonder, do you need him to apply, or can you apply. Maybe you be separated (but not divorced), and still apply for citizenship.

    You basically have your parents and his parents' blessing to leave. That is a BIG thing. At this point, start planning, researching, your exit strategy and set a date when you will leave. Am I making it sound easy? I know it's not, but it's a place to start.
     
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  3. kalpas

    kalpas Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi
    From whatever you have written
    1. It is a clear case of abusive relationship, he cannot physically assault you.
    2. He does not have any respect for you. He cannot demean you.
    3. It is good that inl-aws support you.But if he does not listen to his parents, then that is of no use.
    4. You should start working.
    5. Your parents are in India. If you can work back in India, I dont think you will be a burden to them. If fact you can support your parents and they will provide you the necessary emotional support.
    6. I think you need to think clearly. If you are very sure the relationship is not worth it, you should take a call. You become independent . That will give you lot of confidence.

    Best of luck
     
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  4. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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  5. Tkverma

    Tkverma New IL'ite

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    thank you so much dear.
     
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  6. Tkverma

    Tkverma New IL'ite

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    no, we are not seprated. if i apply citizen on my own nases it will take 10 years of residence. its will be easy yo apply thtough my husband.
     
  7. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    why do you want to stay in Italy. Is the job situation better. Do you earn well there. Other members have given very good feedback. And your logic is also very valid. Seperation in india is longer. If you seperate in italy and live seperate, have you thought all the details about job and other stuff.

    like others said, please do not bring any children in the world. you will stuck and remain depressed for a very long time after that.
     
  8. Tkverma

    Tkverma New IL'ite

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    the thing is it is hard for a divorce to live a peacefull life in India. moreover i am not getting what should i do first to get out of this? because i just have started working a month ago as a part time. i dont earn enough. i am still dependent.
     
  9. Tkverma

    Tkverma New IL'ite

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    how did you manage? how did you react over situations?
     
  10. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Overtime, I disconnected emotionally and physically from my husband. I just had nothing to say, unless it was a "need to know" type of thing. I am not saying this is the right thing to do, but since you are already planning to leave him, keep your interactions with your husband, business-like (basically how you would treat a co-worker or even a boss - with respect, but no real affection). If a conversation is not productive (and generally hurts you), learn to disregard your husband's words and opinions. It sounds awful, and unnatural, but only when you give those words (and the speaker) value, will they hurt. Speak less, and despite your previous disagreements, choose your battles so you can maintain some sanity, while you plan how to leave him.

    I advise you to have a counselor, to help you process your thoughts logically, and find a lawyer to help you understand what your rights are. Generally, the marital property is split in half, and depending on your situation, you can request alimony to help your living situation, at least for the first 5 years or so. Especially since there is physical abuse AND an instance where the police have come to your house, you would probably have a decent case to get what you need to restart your life. For right now, save all your part-time job money, and don't let him have access to it. Also, find out the details of your marital property.
     
    NeetaR likes this.

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