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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by happygolucky22, Jan 22, 2018.

  1. happygolucky22

    happygolucky22 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi all,
    I am going to India after 4.5 years. Had 2 kids in this time period and was working full time. My DH had been to India twice for 2 weeks on 2 separate occasions. Latest being In June 17 to attend sisters wedding. I couldn't go as I was v close to delivery. I quit my job to take care of myseld and my eldest and so that he could go to India.
    Now the problem- i have been asking him to go to India in Feb since the weather would be nice and I need a change of place meet my relatives etc. he was admant n not interested in going. Last week we suddenly lost our pet of 6 years and I am devastated. Finally friends and family asked us to plan for India so that I could come out of the shock and depression. He booked tickets for 4.5 weeks and wants me to celebrate holi in his house and atleast stay for 15 days there. There only his parents stay and they will be tagging with us for 6 months to stay here with us in US. I want to go for a week only so that I can get 2.5-3 weeks approx atleast at my parents home. He is not having it and is very insensitive. He says your parents came for delivery and you already stayed enough with them. Not only this he also plan to bring his parents at my house for 2 days stay so that they can meet the grandkids. I am not even given a chance to relax completely at my place with out their visits and interruptions.

    Ladies, do you not think I deserve a break and be at my parents house for 2.5-3 weeks after spending 4.5 yrs in US? How do I convince him given his parents are coming with us to stay here with us for 6 months.
     
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  2. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

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    What you think is right but you need to find the way out. Few options that I can guess are

    Call your parents to his house
    Convince him to spend few more days at your home. Bargain for that
    Call your parents to US after your in laws visit ends
    Everyone live at same place for the time you are in India
    If nothing works then let it be and accept his decision. By becoming over possessive you will not be able to enjoy few days too that you have with your family.
     
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    How many days did he spend at your parents house when he visited India twice?
    Did you dictate to him how an adult man should plan his well earned vacation?

    What does your being financially independent full time working woman get on the table ? If a full time working woman who is doing double duty cannot even decide how she chooses to spend her well earned vacation,what is it all worth ?Why do you women give so much power to the husband that he treats you like someone who who does not deserve the choice to decide about how she chooses to spend her free time.Why do you have to plead to be able to go home to see your people that too after 4and half years?You need other people to support you to convince him. You need depression to convince him ?How pathetic!

    What is the difference between you and a housewife who has to depend on her husband for the tickets ? Most housewives have more control over their lives.
     
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2018
    Sunshine04, SGBV, sumalynux and 5 others like this.
  4. Vandhuamma

    Vandhuamma Silver IL'ite

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    I plan my vacation on a date different from my DH.

    Though it sounds strange, we dont take an annual vacation together. As a family we definitely miss on outings in India, but it is much better than hanging around with in laws always.

    The pros and cons are

    Even if you visit your family members, you are expected to return immediately.

    The no of days you spend in each ones family is evaluated separately.

    Your gifts will be viewed and valued.

    There will be some or the other function in laws side which is quite mandatory to be attended.

    when ever we plan to visit parents home, they will be some delay in even leaving from the house. That day the meal will be so elaborate.:crybaby2:


    Being fed up i have decided to visit separately.

    Now there is no one to supervise my visits, my gifts, my activities, the clothes i wear etc etc::banana:


    At the airport too, I get to hear from mil ( who stays with us - joint family) how much my DD will miss them and my decision to travel alone is not safe and convenient.

    I just tell her at the face – Amma, we are already seeing your face 365 days and why not a 25 day break. :facepalm::roflmao:
     
  5. radv

    radv Gold IL'ite

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    OP- so now you go to India his married sister will come to her parents home to meet her brother and his family. So his sister can come to her parents place but you cannot go to your parents home. You bend little you compromise little for whatever reasons - you will be pushed down more.

    Your husband is being very insensitive to your feelings. If this is how you are being punished for choosing to marry him, he also should not go unpunished.
     
    happygolucky22 likes this.
  6. zeppelingirl

    zeppelingirl Silver IL'ite

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    I think if he is asking you to stay 15 days In his parents house, you ask him to stay 15 days in yours.

    I don’t think it’s necessary to stay even a week in your inlaws house..

    Let him stay in his house. You go to your parents for this vacation.
     
    happygolucky22 likes this.
  7. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

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    Why do you need his permission? After 4.5yrs that too?
    Just be firm yet polite and stand by your point . Your life is not ruled by someone like this. Or you give him options to stay with you n your parents for 15days too.
     
  8. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

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    Follow the meaning of.your username. Be happy go to ur parents home and make urself lucky :p
     
  9. happygolucky22

    happygolucky22 Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you for your responses. He always behaves like this for India trips. He kills the joy of visiting family. I have only been to India twice in last 8 years and stayed for a month at his house and in the end I would go to mine for 3 weeks and return alone to US. both times I quit my job to have the trip planned this way as always he wouldn't let me be at my place at peace. I don't want him to stay for 15 days at my house, he has only stayed overnight in last 2 solo trip of his and on other trips he has stayed for 2 days each trip. I want a real break from him and the domestic life and just relax at my house and nurse my mental health. He is not getting it sadly. He makes India trips very painful. My family doesn't support me and he knows that they will agre to whatever he says so he gets to act like a bully. I hate confrontations so I am hiding since yesterday not talking to him and just crying. Just few days back he was commenting that all these years being married and you don't even know where is your real home meaning I should do the vice versa and just go to my birth home for a week as it is not my real home.
     
  10. happygolucky22

    happygolucky22 Silver IL'ite

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    Sadly I wanted to just chill and have some mental peace visiting India this tim but I don't see that happening. Even if he agrees he will create a scene after reaching India spoiling all my happiness and joys. Some days I just hate him
     

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