1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Getting Irritated By Few Remarks Of My Mil

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Needtobestrong, Jan 15, 2018.

  1. shwetapj

    shwetapj Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    182
    Likes Received:
    79
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    HI

    You do whatever you feel is right and no need to change her. They are old now and cannot be changed. Regarding girls doing all house chores in olden days then tell her in those days girls were not aware of their rights and also mostly lived in joint families hence kids were brought up with the help of relatives and nearby neighborhood. Girls in those days were also humans and today also they are humans. They did not come from Mars planet to do all the chores single handedly


    And btw you were not there to actually see if your mil really managed on her own ?
    Also tell her if she is getting her food on time and other requirements met then keep quite or go to someone else’s house(if you take strict stance like this she will be back to senses and will not speak with you like that ) I always keep this kind of attitude with my mil unfortunately as she is alone responsible for it can’t help. And because of this stance my life and family is under my control and not hers
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  2. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,317
    Likes Received:
    1,535
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    @SGBV
    I read your reply and thought from all angles..
    You are very mature..at least you understand the limitations of ur mother, and your in laws are taking care of themselves without troubling u.
    As of now I'm not working..
    So I'm a SAHM.
    My PILs are not in any commitment to help me out with anything right now, they spend few months here, and travel often and also are these days spending time at their native place.
    They have all the time and facilities to look after their health, still don't follow certain things ...
    Long long ago when I was pregnant I had some problems and was very ill..there was a family function in nearby city, it was not even a close relative s function..we repeatedly requested her to stay here, both for her health and for my sake as I needed her, but she insisted on going in spite of having few health complaints ( she was complaining of joint pain and weakness ).. Still she was stubborn and went off..after going there dint take proper care and fell terribly sick..her so called close friends and relatives didn't provide any assistance that time..my husband had left me in that condition and went off there, stayed with her for some, days and brought her back, after which she still was taking rest for some, days...that time I had major problems, and he wasn't there for those crucial checkups..I tried to let it go for my peace of mind..
    But what my question is, if they don't compromise on certain things for the sake of their well being, why blame youngsters?
    I still have some resentment.
    Few elderly ladies in my family circle, live separately from their grown up children and let them lead their life, they don't commit looking after grandkids and look after themselves.
    Ok.
    Some stay in joint family with their married children and grandkids, and help in full time child care when son and DIL go for work, when they themselves are unwell the son and DIL look after them..that's also ok..
    Some who stay in joint family with son DIL and grandkids, don't help in child care at all, make them to do all the work and just sit at home the whole day watching TV and roaming around here and there and enjoying ..they don't bother to assist the son and DIL to move ahead in careers by supervising nanny for looking after kids, or doing a few house chores at least, but expect the working son and DIL to take leaves for months together at the cost of their careers to look after them...that seems unfair to me..happened with a friend of mine.
     
  3. Desiindian

    Desiindian Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    261
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Me too sailing in same boat. Each and every lines are true in my case. The good thing is i am no longer in joint family. She visit us once in a month. First day she'll act normal. From next day, she will start how her relatives dils do all houseworks themselves, will keep talking about health issues and wants to die while she is able to move, blah blahh. Often she will take credit of all good things happened in the family. Like she convinced fil to ok marriage proposal, she took first step to make her son to buy a house as an investment and so on. i know none of thes true. before I used to keep silent or move away from the place. now a days, i just listen but act deaf, never react to her bluffing. i have starting acting unheard, which really hurts her. now she has reduced storytelling to some extent.
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  4. Rakshini

    Rakshini Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    165
    Likes Received:
    165
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi need to be strong
    I just wanted to hug u and say don't worry,ur not alone
    Most of mil have some common thoughts
    1.she s best mom and her dil has to improve her skills
    2.she s d best cook(of course not)
    3.interferring in privacy (just to understand the dil plan and tries to manipulate according to her wish)
    4.comparing with other dil
    5.complaing of health issues (never did walking or had good healthy diet) always watching TV
    6.compare with her upbringing
    7.hoe she managed to raise her children without maid(dil s having maid and can but still complaining)but,she s a house wife.but poor dil s a working women trying to balance career and family (day starts from 5am ends at 11)
    What we can do to get out of this situation
    Never show interest when she starts her history.dhow as if u are busy even if you have nothing to do.
    Don't reciprocate properly.one word answer and move out of that place.or else speak to her while doing any kitchen work so that she has to stop by herself
    Do ur things your way.dont compromise.
    I try engage myself in kitchen or with kids,if I don't have any thing then I go to my room and take rest(I don't have energy to hear that old story again), poor me,i Ve heard her delivery history more than 10 times .
    Anyway s each mil s different so we Ve to find out the strategy to handle their mil
    Good luck
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.

Share This Page