Confused !

@shravs3

Dear, these behaviours won't change easily. Since you are there with him, away from your parents and without a job, your position is very weak. He is controlling you and it is going to continue so unless some miracle happens. (I think miracles happen only in movies and TV serials.) I have seen some marriages of this kind, hence this observation.

"If I argue he is like if you want to stay with me listen to me else get back to India! I’m really helpless sometimes." This is totally wrong. He will blackmail you this way for life if you take it now. Consult your parents and then speak to your husband lovingly but confidently. Explain him your difficulty and what changes you want him to incorporate, one at a time. If he is willing, work on your marriage sincerely. If not, you may seek counselling or if possible involve some friend or relative. Your speaking up to outsiders puts him on a backfoot and will force him to change. As @Sandycandy suggested, 'no pregnancy' till your issue is resolved. A child will not solve any problem. If everything within your limit fails, return to India. Your mental and physical safety is more important. Separation may help both of you get a clearer picture. After that, you may take whatever is the next best step. Please deal with your situation with positivity and proactivity, don't be afraid or lose hope.

In the olden days, typical advises were to wait, adjust, have a child and so on. In those days the focus was on saving the marriage at all costs and since women were considered inferior to men, her happiness was never prioritised. This advice won't work now.

 

Now a days I don't reply much coz I feel I m the one who is in need of advices. I was compelled to reply coz I was in your shoes exactly 5 years ago.
My parents were very liberal and I had freedom to do anything I wanted. So when for the first time i was asked by my H what to wear, what not to wear what to do, what not to do etc etc I was completely shocked. This too just after few days of marriage.

Based on my experience I can definitely tell you that life won't be easy with such folks.you have to be very patient and tactful. You are recently married. Don't take any haste decision now. Give some time to your marriage. Few things which you have to start is.
Never shout or argue. Since it's beginning clearly say no to things you are completely not comfortable with. Set your boundaries very clearly. Men are vocal by nature. You will have to speak clearly when he is in a good mood.

Secondly let go of things which are of trivial nature. Try picking your fights. Some compromise and adjustments is must with such kinds of people.

Only time will tell how things will proceed. If it gets ugly involve ur parents. But I feel it's too early to predict anything. I pray that everything works out well.

 

@Shreema86, i have definitely not mentioned that wearing the dresses of their choice is a petty thing.

 

Dear All, it seems to feel surprised by seeing the replies from majority...

Please understand...they are newly married from two different families with two different mind sets and different expectations in their own life.

I can understand women won't accept control on their dresses but, think once he is not asking you to wear sarees or old dresses. He is only asking to wear dresses which he feels happy by looking at his own wife.

I request you all.. please don't mislead anybody to spoil the life by breaking the marriage. By the way it is not the first step or second step....it will be always last step.

@OP, as per your information you didn't spend much time with him. At the same time you don't know much about him and vice versa. Try to know more about him and his interests..Be patient...bare everything for the sake of your better future. I won't say there is no future for you without him. But, one thing I can say it's difficult to lead life after separation...

Try to make him feel happy as per his interests...and try to get your happiness by keeping him happy. If you both understand each other...then house will be under your control....you can do anything...

I seen many men....in the beginning of the marriage life they will be dominating ...but, once they realise the importance of wife...they leave everything to wife. My advice is just wait for time. Try to be with him.

I seen many women before their marriage, saying ...I will do anything for the sake of my husband...I will take care him like king this and that...but, when it comes to reality. It will be completely different.

 

Dear OP, as you said he is reserved mentality... don't force him or oppose him immediately. These kind of people required some time make them self adjustable to others ...once they feel they are comfortable...then no need to look for anything.

As you said about his family atmosphere...he adapted to that environment and also he might not be having good number of friends where he can exchange some views and thoughts.

Give him time ...make him to feel comfortable being with you and your family...he will be the best person.

All the best.

 

He is looking to spend time with you but, when you asked him to visit relatives, he might got disappointing. So, always give priority to husband ....then relatives or what ever. If he is happy with you, your life will be happy. Relatives feels.

I can understand you are away from India and relatives, but, at the same time you need to think of your own family which is you and your husband.

Don't look at his negatives, try to substitute them with the positives and make your married life happy and fruitful.