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Advice Needed-trip With Inlaws;

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by senoritaaa, Dec 19, 2017.

  1. senoritaaa

    senoritaaa Bronze IL'ite

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    A 2 day trip to a resort with Inlaws, 2 SIL's with their family is planned.
    SILs and me dont share a very good relationship. Kind of OK OK.
    Mil and Sil will try to point out mistakes if any, and I get really
    angry and may retort as well usually over small small issues Eg: They say the way baby is fed is not correct
    MIL is very manipulative and tricky lady and usually will try to put baits to make me react to tarnish my image.
    I am worried and stressed and somehow want these 2 days to be pased off issueless,
    and not having great damage to my reputation in front of SIL Husbands atleast
    How do i control and react during this trip ?
    Tips suggestions please.
     
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  2. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Basically I would ignore whatever the comments my MIL or anyone from their set utters about me. Usually their comments are about my dressing, my parenting, the food I eat, me being little overweight, my hair etc... and obviously my modern Christian life style would be a surprise to those orthodox Hindu family.
    Earlier, I would resist, counter argue and try my best to clear the blame... But you can't wake up someone who pretends to sleep. They are commenting not because they misunderstand you, but because they want to irritate you/put you down etc. So, arguing or clearing things with them won't work. It may trigger further problems.
    It is important that your H stays with you, believes you, accept you and understand the issue.
    SIL's and their Hs doesn't matter.

    In my case, ignorance is the bliss. But I wouldn't ignore like a dump, so that they get the pleasure of hurting me. Instead, I would ignore them altogether. It would be like, they are talking to a wall.
    Eg: If MIL says about my DD's food habit or my parenting, then I would start a different topic as though I did not focus what she was telling. At the same time, I would move out, so that the conversation won't continue.
    I would still continue to be respectful, at least by words and actions, so that others see my positives regardless of her negative complaints (if any).
    My defensive game makes her infuriated, so she looses control and utters nonsense, which eventually makes her a bad person before my H and others. On the other hand, I keep my control, because I did not get hurt (rather I am escaped), and I stay positive, so the others notice it and supports me.
    When this gets repeated, your MIL/SIL learns about you, and stay a mile away from you. So that they can stay calm.
     
    shreepriya, Chiu, salad and 7 others like this.
  3. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Few things to do..

    - First understand that they are doing this to get a bad reaction out of you n then paint you as the bad guy to everyone - don't let them win

    - stay with the husband as much as possible esp when you are along with the troublemakers or basically anyone who's presence will make them stop this game on their own

    - pretend like you didn't hear them

    - divert to something else

    - pretend like you are super duper focused on the kid n ignore them

    - keep yourself away or busy as much as possible

    - like the Madagascar penguin style "smile n wave" you can "smile n move" or "smile n ignore"

    - everytime you lose your cool, tell your mind that is exactly what they want. N By you not reacting, you win n they lose.

    Thank god that it's only for two days, be a wall to them n you have your fun.
     
  4. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

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    @Nonya showed a video. Liked it sharing to you.

     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2017
    Sandycandy likes this.
  5. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Meditate before you go, lot of deep breaths ! Do you realize that your MIL/SIL are jealous and insecure and hence make those comments. Which means you must be better than them in some or all respects. So pity them for their low self esteem and smile to yourself when they make any comments. Don’t even bother responding , continue with what you are doing .
     
  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Take some good headphones preferably the wireless ones.Keep them on and listen to music or whatever you want to.
    Take a good book to read.
    Spend most of the time looking after yourself,your kids and husband.The moment they start their whining,excuse yourself and look for your kids.
    Smile ,look blank.
    If you get angry....count to 100 in your head with a smile on your face .

    Treat the vacation as your personal growth challenge.
    Set this as your goal and set a prize for yourself for achieving it.
    Burn a nice little hole in your husband's wallet for agreeing to a vacation that is so challenging for you.:rolleyes:
     
  7. Dishaa

    Dishaa Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Op,

    As suggested by others please don't react, but if your Dh then you should say "no one is born perfect and experienced, and since you are a new mom you and your kid are learning and understanding themselves which no one can understand".



    I guess image building is required only for office and social network, with family you can be yourself, at least don't bother now as you have kid better concentrate on him / her and your health. Later part in life you can always build up your image, in this busy life schedule people hardly remember these things for long.

    Be happy and cheerful also as suggested by yellowmango, burn a nice hole in your husbands pocket.

     
  8. zeppelingirl

    zeppelingirl Silver IL'ite

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    These all things I also get criticised in my home. What if DH also criticise like all others? How do you manage? It's like no one is on your side. You are all alone.
     
  9. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    If that is so , maintain safe distance from DH during outings with inlaws, or else he will humiliate in front of them. At home alone, it's a common thing, and may not be so serious.
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2017
  10. blueFlower

    blueFlower New IL'ite

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    what if the hus
    what if the husband also turns out like his parents and gets involoved in the whinning??

    What if H doesn't want to spend a penny on wife thinking its waste of money to buy such 'stuff'?(assuming the wie doesn't work/doesn't carry a purse)

    and y should anyone count till 100 when wife can cearly see that they r trying to spoil her vacation as well as her mood and trying to test her patience?? y should the wife budge down??instead of fighting???

    just my thoughts that poped up
     

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