Just A Vent

YOU taking care of the kids and sacrificing your career enables your husband to work in a different country and pursue his ambitions . So him “ giving “ you money is really nothing out of the ordinary rather it is the least he can do for you . So you ought to give him the dreaded silent treatment ( preferably longer than a day, maybe couple of days). And let him know eventually what you think about his behavior. Meanwhile let him communicate with the kids ONLY.

Are you able to work legally in the country you reside in ? If yes, take your husband’s behavior as a wake up call about the importance of being financially independent .
If you cannot work right now, make sure you can get back to working when possible by volunteering , making connections, online courses ( free ) etc. Ofcourse do all of this with a positive mindset for your self confidence as well.

On a side note , I find it surprising that you have to call him before making a payment for the laptop. Are you expected to do that ? I am sure you can manage to buy a laptop when you can take care of kids all alone in a foreign country. Avoid seeking validation from the husband for everything, learn to take decisions independently .

 

No its not an okay behaviour.

He values money more than a human. Let him come to you. You don't please him in this matter. He should realise you are more valuable than money. You remain quiet until he comes to you. After that explain him how you felt that day. Good luck.

 

Husbands don't really get it , for them it is like every woman does this so you are not doing something special. They don't see the side as wife is taking care of your parents and kids you could work with no worries.
Its our fault we keep our career on second priority.

 

The problem is how the boys are raised up in India. And how the girls are treated in their homes. I think even the genes in men playing this dominant role. I can understand your feelings as I had experienced this financial issues. We are not allowed to take decision independently. As you said if we are not asking them before buying a thing then we have to hear all the lectures regarding money management.

 

My 2 cents.. use what's up ( or anyother free ) message system when he is away. Let him call you back.
Don't ask for his permission to buy each and every thing. Instead of asking 'can I buy' tell him ' I am going to buy". If the discussion is already made ,just buy it. Keep the bill. You can return it I guess with in 14 to 30days or depending on the country.

If he complain, give him bill and the laptop and say -'next time don't ask me to buy, if you don't like here is the bill you can return.'.. just walk away.

If he complain for silly things , just walk away, completely ignore..or busy with something else. Don't allow his behaviour to affect your inner peace of mind

Next time if he complains about silly expenses on money, say calmly, these kind of talks are hurting you very much and you dont want to hear about it.

We always make a mistake, even if we are upset , we make happy face and pretend like nothing happened also try to maintain peace. You have to let him know in clear & calm way that you are upset and are affected by his behaviour.

Treat him like your partner not as your boss. Give respect and take respect...if he cross your lekshman rekha of tolerance, let him know it.. and demand respect.

It take some time to make him accept your demand for respect, but don't give up.
You are the one who know your situations and know how things work well. Use opportunities wisely.

He reacted when he was upset right?. He didn't listen to your explanation. Make him also well aware that you are hurt badly. I think you have the option to not listen to his scolding over phone. Why didn't you cut off the call when he started it??? Use the power you have...

Give some time OP, every thing will be fine.

If you are working and if he demand money, tell him to equally contribute to household jobs and kids care

 

Yes I really understand it but then the other should feel it ...we are doing things for our kids and family. Its not obvious that just mom should always look after kids. What the husbands actually do then ....just going office and always doing office work.
Take their frustration on wife for their bad days in office is also ok for him and his family.