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The Perks Of 'xx' Chromosomes!

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Shalumurthy, Nov 1, 2017.

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Nov 3, 2017 #11

Naari Platinum IL'ite

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sindmani said: ↑

This was really too much. But for our sanity lets forget it. Believe me I too heard something similar from my mother in law .
Click to expand...

Sindmani, OP’s mil may actually be right, it really may take extra precautions to give birth to a baby boy since you know so many of these boys grow up to be the “ gro**rs “ that moms can’t be proud of, so sure, extra precautions are needed for that one among the few good baby boys!! OTOH, all girls are nice , so no extra effort needed!

Sindhu, good to see u! Hope you are doing well.

Last edited: Nov 3, 2017

Naari, Nov 3, 2017

Naari, Nov 3, 2017

#11

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Nov 3, 2017 #12

sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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Naari said: ↑

Sindmani, OP’s mil may actually be right, it really may take extra precautions to give birth to a baby boy since you know so many of these boys grow up to be the “ gro**rs “ that moms can’t be proud of, so sure, extra precautions are needed for that one among the few good baby boys!! OTOH, all girls are nice , so no extra effort needed!

Sindhu, good to see u! Hope you are doing well ..
Click to expand...

. Sometimes I feel we r lucky enough at least when compared to some women who are discriminated by own family members for being a girl. Lately we met my husband's friend's family where they had 6 years daughter and 3 year old son. This mom herself told me that "SHE LIKED HER SON more than her daughter " could clearly see her pampering her son and making the girl do more work(compared to the child's age of 6 years) in the kitchen . I literally cried seeing that open discrimination . her daughter is unaware as she is a child. She told when the girl was a single child she loved her so much but once her son was born her love shifted to her son and her daughter is secondary. I feel the father was better as he saw both the children equally. There are good men around , I sure if every mom brings up her son well , women will have good life.

sindmani, Nov 3, 2017

sindmani, Nov 3, 2017

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Nov 3, 2017 #13

rupz Silver IL'ite

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Dear OP,

I too have experienced similar situation with my in-laws. I m trying to get pregnant but no good news yet.
Recently me and my DH we're watching movie 'Dangal', and in the movie the said actor is happy have daughters who fulfilled his dream. And daughters always have a special place in the family.
And me being a single daughter always heard form my father that I always make his day happy and bright. I said the same to my DH, and he responded that 'my mum would want us to have a boy first' . I responded that what should happen if we had daughter first.
He didn't reply anything. All he said next was look at all the cousins, all of them have boys first.

I don't know what is the issue here. Men like women who work equally with them, or who prove themselves in different places be it in CEO ,Civil Service, Politics or Spots be it any field.
But why not accept d daughter being born in the family.

What's the issue here. Who is to blame.

Rupz

rupz, Nov 3, 2017

rupz, Nov 3, 2017

#13

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Nov 3, 2017 #14

sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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rupz said: ↑

All he said next was look at all the cousins, all of them have boys first.
Click to expand...

I think you need to have a chat with him about the birds and the bees.

sokanasanah, Nov 3, 2017

sokanasanah, Nov 3, 2017

#14

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Nov 3, 2017 #15

justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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Rihana said: ↑

Feminism goes beyond speaking up, correcting wrong, outdated opinion from previous generation women and resolving to bring up a strong next generation daughter. It starts earlier. Such as relying on parents till education expenses, but after that being responsible for oneself, not only choosing one's husband but also choosing to finance one's wedding as much as one can. Daughter's feminism can mean that parents have to sacrifice their dream of a lavish wedding as she wants to finance her own wedding with her to-be-husband.

If a woman is sent off with a "lavish wedding", "gifts" for "her" and "her new family", and "enters the in-laws house as a new member", and accepts these willingly, then, the comments like "new mothers of baby boys need more caution with food etc" are par for the course. Cherry-picking which parts of the "traditional" she is fine with, and which parts go against her feminist thoughts can lead to confusion when other members of the household do not think similarly.

If the woman's parents have the luxury of following tradition and send her off with lavish wedding, gifts and have the satisfaction of telling themselves and all "we settled our daughter in a good family" then why begrudge the MIL and her mother a few tradition laced comments?

Feminism means being mistress of one's house. No MIL being able to tell the woman to make curry when she is in pain. Feminism usually means both man and woman might have no/less knowledge of cooking before marriage, and learn by trial and error as they live independently for at least the first few years of marriage. A setting in which the MIL can tell the DIL to make a certain curry and the husband "helps" based on instructions, and MIL can comment on the man cooking -- such a setting can hardly lend itself to any feminist thought or living.

As usual the man is excused. He offered to help the wife who was in pain. Good. What did he tell his mother about his wife being asked to cook when in pain? At a point where there is also a child in the marriage, he still cannot make a curry independently? Nothing wrong with it per se, but if feminism is being brought into the picture, and the MIL, MIL's mother's comments are being judged, then there is plenty wrong about the male being so helpless in the kitchen.

This blaming women for being the one to pull down other women makes for interesting reading. It gives a nice feeling to lay the blame somewhere specific. In reality, it is rarely so black and white. Ideally, a woman who is or wants to be a feminist, takes charge of her life after education. Finds a husband who thinks like her, works for a few years before marriage, finances her wedding with husband, they live as a nuclear family for at least a few years. She earns money and always remains capable of supporting herself financially, and if she doesn't work it is because they both decide that is best for their family.

A few outdated comments from older women are trivial compared to the bigger nods feminist women give to tradition.
Click to expand...

Fantastic post ! As a teenager many many years ago I was self- proclaimed feminist . Today I have come to be very wary of the word and the ideology it represents . I didn't realize just how much until DS1 disturbed by some of the recent articles by the "feminists" of today asked me on our walk " Amma are u a feminist ?" I thought long and hard and said "No kanna not the way they refer to it today. "

Last edited: Nov 3, 2017

justanothergirl, Nov 3, 2017

justanothergirl, Nov 3, 2017

#15

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Nov 3, 2017 #16

sweetsmiley Platinum IL'ite

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Hi OP,

What your MIL said about taking care of boy baby is 100% true.. we need little more caution than girl babies. it is scientifically proven too.. please google and read that info...

I think we need to analyze some of the scientific facts behind the elders talk before give our opinion...

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/03/080324173552.htm

Last edited: Nov 3, 2017

sweetsmiley, Nov 3, 2017

sweetsmiley, Nov 3, 2017

#16
Nov 4, 2017 #17

sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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Shalumurthy said: ↑

The topic of pregnancy was broached and my mother in law with all her knowledge declared that new mothers who deliver a boy baby must be extra precautions with food and other details
Click to expand...

sweetsmiley said: ↑

Hi OP,

What your MIL said about taking care of boy baby is 100% true.. we need little more caution than girl babies. it is scientifically proven too.. please google and read that info...

I think we need to analyze some of the scientific facts behind the elders talk before give our opinion...

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/03/080324173552.htm
Click to expand...

Sweet smiley the fact u have provided and what op's mom in law told are not same. She told that the new mom (of boys)should be more responsible in taking right nutrients. Fine as u say let us take in good spirit for our own sanity.

sindmani, Nov 4, 2017

sindmani, Nov 4, 2017

#17

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Nov 5, 2017 #18

Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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sokanasanah said: ↑

rupz said: ↑
All he said next was look at all the cousins, all of them have boys first.
Click to expand...

I think you need to have a chat with him about the birds and the bees.
Click to expand...

hahaha.... However, if a man wants to farm out the job to proven cousins, ain't that their bizness?

Nonya, Nov 5, 2017

Nonya, Nov 5, 2017

#18

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Nov 6, 2017 #19

Shalumurthy Gold IL'ite

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iamsrihere said: ↑

The same mother in law in future will not have the same thoughts when it pertains to her grand daughter(your LO).
Click to expand...

Yeah, might be!!

Shalumurthy, Nov 6, 2017

Shalumurthy, Nov 6, 2017

#19
Nov 6, 2017 #20

Shalumurthy Gold IL'ite

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Rihana said: ↑

Feminism goes beyond speaking up, correcting wrong, outdated opinion from previous generation women and resolving to bring up a strong next generation daughter. It starts earlier. Such as relying on parents till education expenses, but after that being responsible for oneself, not only choosing one's husband but also choosing to finance one's wedding as much as one can. Daughter's feminism can mean that parents have to sacrifice their dream of a lavish wedding as she wants to finance her own wedding with her to-be-husband.

If a woman is sent off with a "lavish wedding", "gifts" for "her" and "her new family", and "enters the in-laws house as a new member", and accepts these willingly, then, the comments like "new mothers of baby boys need more caution with food etc" are par for the course. Cherry-picking which parts of the "traditional" she is fine with, and which parts go against her feminist thoughts can lead to confusion when other members of the household do not think similarly.

If the woman's parents have the luxury of following tradition and send her off with lavish wedding, gifts and have the satisfaction of telling themselves and all "we settled our daughter in a good family" then why begrudge the MIL and her mother a few tradition laced comments?

Feminism means being mistress of one's house. No MIL being able to tell the woman to make curry when she is in pain. Feminism usually means both man and woman might have no/less knowledge of cooking before marriage, and learn by trial and error as they live independently for at least the first few years of marriage. A setting in which the MIL can tell the DIL to make a certain curry and the husband "helps" based on instructions, and MIL can comment on the man cooking -- such a setting can hardly lend itself to any feminist thought or living.

As usual the man is excused. He offered to help the wife who was in pain. Good. What did he tell his mother about his wife being asked to cook when in pain? At a point where there is also a child in the marriage, he still cannot make a curry independently? Nothing wrong with it per se, but if feminism is being brought into the picture, and the MIL, MIL's mother's comments are being judged, then there is plenty wrong about the male being so helpless in the kitchen.

This blaming women for being the one to pull down other women makes for interesting reading. It gives a nice feeling to lay the blame somewhere specific. In reality, it is rarely so black and white. Ideally, a woman who is or wants to be a feminist, takes charge of her life after education. Finds a husband who thinks like her, works for a few years before marriage, finances her wedding with husband, they live as a nuclear family for at least a few years. She earns money and always remains capable of supporting herself financially, and if she doesn't work it is because they both decide that is best for their family.

A few outdated comments from older women are trivial compared to the bigger nods feminist women give to tradition.
Click to expand...

My dear Rihanna,

This post is not about feminism neither I'm here to pass the blame. This is a post which states the sad reality of the world. Might be you haven't been a victim of a woman putting another woman down but trust me, it hurts badly. I simply chose to put my MIL as the other woman, nothing else. In my post I want you to consider her as another woman who chooses to magnify manhood as a symbol of status.

First of all, I took my marriage loans and yeah, I contributed for it. I don't think it was necessary to put in all those information. Secondly, I'm not cherry-picking the traditions. Anything that will put another woman or a girl down, I'm against it! A new mother irrespective of the gender of the child requires special nutrition. Please let's stop with that. Again this is my opinion.

I've excused the man cause I didn't want to write about it! It's as simple as that. I wanted to write about woman belittling woman so I stuck with the topic. If you want to go ahead with criticising the man, please do!

As you said so yourself, nothing is black and white. For you moving out, living in a nuclear family, saving might be an option but for many women, it isn't. They might have their own reasons and I'm not here to judge. Everybody fights their own battles. I wanted my post to share the grief of these women and even if one woman could be a little braver or raise their son or daughter to be the change they want to see, I'm content.

Cheers,
Shalu

Shalumurthy, Nov 6, 2017

Shalumurthy, Nov 6, 2017

#20

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