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My Life Journey With My Special Kid!

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by Swethasri, Feb 25, 2014.

  1. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    I am actually humbled reading ur post. Raising a kid alone in USA. Having bad parents and still respecting them
     
    riya123 likes this.
  2. nandinimithun

    nandinimithun IL Hall of Fame

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    You go girl...

    Emotionally strong and balancing everything without a complain, thats such an awesome attitude

    Am inspired by you
     
    riya123 likes this.
  3. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Your son already is probably aware of his difference. It’s not easy to deal with being different and the bane of high functioning level 1 Autism is the anxiety it causes. Anxiety because he knows he is different and can’t hekp it.
    Anxiety in social situations because he is failing and can not control it. He doesn’t yet have the tools to deal with it all.
    Your first priority is your child and making him feel protected and happy and comfortable. Please keep your parents away from him. He doesn’t need it.


    Cut her off, please. You probably are already having some sort of PTSD with a child with special needs. You need support and this isn’t that. Please look for local support groups and friends. I can’t stress enough on the local groups. Without my moms groups I would have already had a breakdown.

    Typical daycares won’t work but it doesn’t mean it’s always like this. In a few years it may work with all the skills he gains at aba. I have so many friends in moms groups who help each other out with baby sitting. I’ve watched kids for friends when they couldn’t get out of work on time. Moms in your exact same situation may have suggestions and options. One of our aba therapists helped out with babysitting. One mom did it for the extra funds. There is always a way out. Where are you located? Contact TACA/NAA etc and see if they have Moms meets. That’s a good way to connect to groups in your locale. You are not alone and those of us in your shoes can help.
    Even with a very supportive family and spouse I’ve almost hit rock bottom with behaviors. Don’t have an added complexity of dad here in your life. I know one lady here helped me out those days. I reached out via pm and her messages pulled me through. Thankfully we have no behaviors right now but that phase was hard enough to break anyone.
    Even I couldn’t see it as behaviors. At times I alomost lost it and I’m the mom. I won’t be surprised if your dad does things to escalate it or paint the wrong picture. He just doesn’t have the whole picture to make an informed decision. Trained therapists sometimes break down while dealing with behaviors. So don’t expect your dad to know how to deal with it or how to convey it.

    I’m sorry you are going through this. I hate it when others deal with these things. This too shall pass. Thankfully he is functional enough where therapies and CBT etc will help.

    Keep negative people out of your life. Reach out for support. Don’t ignore yourself and your health in all of this. Make yourself a priority. I hope there is atleast one friend on hand to hear you out. It makes a difference to have someone other than spouse in these situations - a sister, friend, someone.

    Hang in there. It gets better.
     
  4. venlax

    venlax Silver IL'ite

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    It is very difficult to rear an Autism child. But nothing is impossible under the roof.It is the determination ,dedication & will power which plays a major role. Unfortunately i have a cousin with this problem. She is so attached to me. So whenever i meet her i make it a point to spend some time with her. She will be free to speak certain things to me. Autism can't be cured but the children can be developed. They have tremendous skills. Parents should find out & try to bring that out.
    !.They should never be discouraged nor over pampered.
    2. People will definitely criticize.U teach ur son that he is the best person on earth & never react to others.It is quite difficult.
    3.In India we have schools for special children. You can admit ur son in such schools. They will teach with professional skills.If u find it difficult to leave him & bring back daily u can put him in hostel.
    4.Your mind should be like a stone to endure so many things,physical as well as mental.
    5.Sacrifice no other go, is a continuous process for the sake of ur beloved son.
    When ur parents are not interested in ur child why u invite them to take care ?
    The Great Mentor is there . Put ur burden at his feet & carry on ur duty.There is one Manthra in Narayaneeyam - Sargam 8 - Slogan !3. Though it is mainly recited for cancer,it is for all chronic diseases. it can be recited daily for ur sons sake.Take a little water in Uttarani(spoon) , recite this slogan as many times(16,32,64,108) as possible & give the water to ur son to drink.
    May The Almighty God bless your son & ur family !
    " The woods are lovely,dark & deep but i have promises to keep & miles to go before i sleep"
     
    Swethasri likes this.
  5. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks for taking time to respond.. I don't know how to be firm and cut off the relationship. They have treated us also the same way, we were valued only if we added feathers to their caps or else treated us unworthy

    You are right, my son has terrible anxiety and he knows he is different. It is always the typical child that wins at daycares because rejection from NT kids hurts him and he throws a fit. I have made alternate arrangements now, I don't need my parents anymore to help with after school care.

    When my son has a flare, my mother stands there giving me the look " I want her to suffer more " she takes every opportunity to make me and my husband fight. She wants me to divorce him because he is not respectful towards her. He has been responsible for most of his treatment.

    My parents don't understand autism, they think he is lazy and dumb. They think swift kick in the pants will straighten him out. They blame me for raising him that way. How do I tell them it is not my fault.

    Moreover, my mother took care of my son for first 2 years of his life while I worked. All his development was normal but my mother often would leave him in dangerous situations like unmonitored at the balcony or not even rushing to hold him when he fell and cried. I wonder whether all this cold upbringing had an impact on him. They forced me to go to India and forced me to work when my son was born so they could control my life and my child. By the time I realized their games and moved to US it was too late. He developed all the disorders.
     
  6. nandinimithun

    nandinimithun IL Hall of Fame

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    Wowie congrats darling..... You sure have come a long way with your determination, will power and mental strength....

    Yay, your little boy is a hero now... A happy 6th grader who rides his cycle....
    Happy for you and the kiddo.... Big big beary hugs for u dear....

    Stay strong and stay blessed always
     
    Swethasri likes this.
  7. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    I think it's better if you speak to a doctor about whether the two years had any impact on your child.

    In regards to cutting off ties with them..

    It's about keeping them n your child away from each other. Don't let them come closer to your child. If you wana visit them or talk to them, you do. But your child doesn't have to go thru this.


    Next..
    Think about what is tying you so strongly with them despite them being pure evil to not only you but your spouse n your child too..

    are you in need of their approval at all times?
    Or you want all your relatives to approve of you?
    Is there any property, jewelleries, anything that can come for you from your parents n if you spoil relationship, you won't get it?
    Are you so in love with your parents, that you don't have the heart to protect yourself or your poor child from them ?


    Few reasons you can give them..
    Tell them your husband doesn't want them to come to your house or be in constant contact.
    Second, imagine all the pain they are still causing you n do this for your child n you put a stop
    Say you are busy at work - (how can you leave your child alone with your father when you are at work when he visits or even if you are there ?)
    Don't pick or reduce their calls or calling them, minimum contact is good.
    When they are talking on the phone, the moment they mention something bad or rude, disconnect the call.
    Make friends / support group in your area n be busy.
    Keep your parents away from your child at all times. The child does not deserve this. N just focus on his well being.

    Though it's not ideal, If you still can't control this, leave all the decisions to your husband when it comes to your parents n back off.

    People would advice the same or worse if it was your in laws taunting you the same way, jus because it's your parents, the abuse isn't any different. Abuse is abuse, anywhere.

    If you can't stand up for yourself, stand up for your child. Are you ok with them continuing to ruin his life ? Is that what you want? Then why don't you just leave him in their care to fix his 'laziness n dumbness', as they claim.

    Where's your protective instinct? You are the mother of your child, There's no one in this world who can protect him more than you. And if you can't do it, what's his life gona be like ?
     
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  8. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    omg. ur mom is cruel.
    are you with ur hubby or divorced??
    its been proved that bad parenting does not cause autism. talk to a child psychologist to clear ur mind
     
  9. Swethasri

    Swethasri Platinum IL'ite

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    @riya123 All other friends gave you the best answers. DO NOT ALLOW NEGATIVITY!!!! near special needs kids. You tell them whatever reason you want to say, but dont allow your parents into your life. enough is enough...not for your kids anymore. we are grown ups and we dont need others help any more help from our parents.

    In US we get lot of support for ASD kids. Which state are you in? Get PCA, Maximum no.of hrs ABA after school. How old is your child who has the diagnosis?

    Tell the same reason to your father that I dont need any help from you in this old age. I am not asking you to take revenge but just to save your butt and your son's life. DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT YOUR OTHER RELATIVES. When they talk ill about your child instead of helping you to soothe your situation, they are never ever going to help you or your child in the future. Another dangerous thing is, your parents may create friction between your kids. They create all kinds of problem when they dont like. If they come here, they will be dependent on you to go out, if you are not available to drive them out, finding fault on you becomes easy. Added more fuel to your current mind status.... Its all in our hands to keep our life happy. KARMA................???? each and every human in this world born because of good and bad karma. Its again in our hands to fade off bad karma with the blessings of God.

    Take care dear. Hugs to your son. You always get support here from all of us. we are all sailing in the same boat and trying to help each other. Dont take anything offensive
     
  10. Swethasri

    Swethasri Platinum IL'ite

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    My BOY!!!! He is doing so great with the transition from his 5th to 6th grade. its been 2 months with the change of school and routine. His day starts at 6.00 in the morning. After school, within 15 mins ABA comes home and make him do the task.

    Currently focusing on --put his backpack in respective place --put lunch and snack box in the sink --put lunch bag in respective place -- wash hands and eat any snack --wash his snack cup --put vaccum cleaner if there is any spill on the rug and put vaccum in its place -- take a break listening to his favorite girl friend (sooryagayathri) songs --15 - 20 mins home work time includes coloring, writing his name, tracing letter, counting, answering questions in his ipad(using touch chat for communication), ....all on different days. --playing game working on turn taking, then loading laundry or folding clothes and sorting and keep it in his drawer --take a shower and his ABA session is al done at home.

    After the Home ABA, I working on asking him questions like *whats your name *which school are your going to *Where do you live *which grade are you in *how old are you *what kind of music do you like which is the favorite question for MY Boy!. He is doing fantastic answering all the questions in Ipad :) I am hearing lot of words that has very much clarity and he is so proud of himself:)

    Oh forgot to say that shyness.... when i ask him a flying kiss, He gave me with a shy smile ....

    Navratri went well. we went to the temple to attend cultural programs and My Boy sat for more than an hour in the crowd! Happiness in the air!

    Very Happy Diwali to all my dearies. Lets celebrate!!
     
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