Brothers Marriage Life In Trouble

aishu909 · Aug 17, 2017

YoGirl said: ↑

Op..
The process of repenting just started.. based on how he repents..the situation will mould..
Chance to prove himself and repenting are same according to me. But plz dont assume that this change in ur bro mindset will melt ur Sil's heart. May be her heart is beyond repair..
As many others suggested.. a third person(a counsellor) should show them the pros and cons of their decisions and how it will affect not just them, but their kid.
I hope things take a positive turn and they get to trust each other again.

And remember that, focus should be on how he is correcting his mistake rather than on y ur sil is not accepting him. Dont fall into trap of " my bro quit his job and moved closer to her, then y is she not showing positive response. He did one move, next should be hers...etc"
The process will take time.
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Totally agree !!

aishu909 · Aug 22, 2017

Hello Friends

Just wanted to share with you all again.

Now, My Brother is completely resigned his Job and he will be moving to SIL place. I was been counselling him and my SIL everyday. Based on the analysis , I came to know that my SIL is ready to forgive all his mistakes . I totally assured her that he will change.

My brother also wants to change and he wants to be a good person in life. He wants to do everything for her now. He is saying that he never want to loose her in his life again and he will never do such things that will make to loose her.

After doing counselling and talking to my brother, I came to know some issues with him. He overthinks on every thing that will come in his life. he overthinks a lot ..a lot and a lot..

and also if has office stress, he used to show them on family. But now, I am advising him not to do the jobs that gives him more stress. I am advising him to satisfy with the money what he gets.

and also he is in great depression now..he is alone now...he is in deep guilt.

he wants to talk to people and he does not have good friends near him now..when ever he talks to me , he has good feeling. again after some time, he will again go back to his past mistakes , and more depressed , more gulit.

he also tried to do suicide last week. but luckily nothing happened to him.

Now, I am trying to help him out to overcome the depression, over thinking , guilt.
please suggest me how can I help him to overcome all these
also, please suggest me good counselling doctors who will help him to overcome all these

kindly help me with these please

yellowmango · Aug 22, 2017

Suggest marriage counselling for both.

dia3 · Aug 22, 2017

aishu909 said: ↑

Okay...This weekend I will talking to my brother . I will listen to what he said and will take a decision.

But the bottom line is - He admired her, but looks like she did not.

Girls, tell me one thing - if you got pregnant for the first time,what was ur reaction ? When I got pregnant, I hugged my husband and we were very happy and started sharing the news to the world.

But when I heard that she cried after listening that she got pregnant - It felt some thing weird behavior to me. Also, my brother wanted second kid and she clearly said "NO".

My brother adjusted to that too.

How much a man should adjust in his life ?
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if a woman n man are in LOVE n preggy , then only they r happy n not sad.. but a man n woman who want to opt out of current mariage at some point normally feel there chances of finding second spouse r reduced by 50 % if tehy get a child so they feel horrible on preggy news ...

i heard most desi men say during divorce counselling that they hated the wife for getting preggy as the chances of getting a perfect woman 2nd time around were reduced by 50 % but most were evenetually like, they would still divorce because there still was 50 % chance of landing some other spouse 2nd time.

i think ur sil doesn't love ur brother n had decided to opt out of this marriage but with child, she was forced to continue this marriage

aishu909 · Aug 22, 2017

Dia 3 - You may be correct. she is forced to stay in this marriage because of the child.

But , Why cant she or the world give one chance to him ? Now, he wants to satisfy all her dreams and wishes and truly wants to change.

Will the world ever give the chance for a bad guy to become good ? He wants to prove himself now..

Lets see whats going to happen..

But as yellowmango said, I will defnetly try for counselling.This is what I can do from my side.

Lets wait and see how he proves ..

aishu909 · Aug 22, 2017

Also, for every person in life there is some turning point. I am thinking this is the turning point in his life and let me also give my level best to him to change and behave according to his wifes wishes and desires .

lets see whats going to happen ..

chocolate · Aug 23, 2017

Op, Good Development. Your brother needs to make friends and socialize a little bit. Doesn't he have colleagues or relatives who are close. Make him go to a movie once a week with them and wife. Next , go to a restaurant for dinner. Depression he can cure by making himself open to social contact too along with counselliing. If he keeps to himself even with counselling he wont get anywhere.Good Luck.

Amica · Aug 24, 2017

aishu909 said: ↑

... he also tried to do suicide last week.
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He needs to see a psychiatrist urgently. Ask your family doctor for a recommendation.

.

Elsa · Aug 24, 2017

aishu909 said: ↑

Hello Friends

Just wanted to share with you all again.

Now, My Brother is completely resigned his Job and he will be moving to SIL place. I was been counselling him and my SIL everyday. Based on the analysis , I came to know that my SIL is ready to forgive all his mistakes . I totally assured her that he will change.

My brother also wants to change and he wants to be a good person in life. He wants to do everything for her now. He is saying that he never want to loose her in his life again and he will never do such things that will make to loose her.

After doing counselling and talking to my brother, I came to know some issues with him. He overthinks on every thing that will come in his life. he overthinks a lot ..a lot and a lot..

and also if has office stress, he used to show them on family. But now, I am advising him not to do the jobs that gives him more stress. I am advising him to satisfy with the money what he gets.

and also he is in great depression now..he is alone now...he is in deep guilt.

he wants to talk to people and he does not have good friends near him now..when ever he talks to me , he has good feeling. again after some time, he will again go back to his past mistakes , and more depressed , more gulit.

he also tried to do suicide last week. but luckily nothing happened to him.

Now, I am trying to help him out to overcome the depression, over thinking , guilt.
please suggest me how can I help him to overcome all these
also, please suggest me good counselling doctors who will help him to overcome all these

kindly help me with these please
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I am sorry, but your brother is acting like a 3 year old. Just like a kid cries, rolls on the floor and makes a mess if he/she wants a toy, your brother is going to the extent of commiting suicide to make his wife talk to him and join him.

You seem to be finding faults with your SIL and taking your brothers side even though he has committed mistakes and not her. The meeting once in three months setup is not something that works for a long term. Your SIL had to take care of herself and the kid for so many years. Where was your brother then? Have they spent enough time together? Have they been on vacations? I am asking because if not much time was spent initially on building the relationship, it is not that easy at a later point in life.

WiseAgnes · Aug 24, 2017

I will agree with Elsa here.
I think you brother lacks maturity and acts on pure impulse. There is no middle ground for him, just two extremes.
My wife doesn't want to sleep with me? I'm gonna get pissed and find another woman cuz how dares she!
She has sex with me, but her 'body is there and not her heart"? Well, I'm gonna get sad and instead of asking her what was wrong and what I could do to help, I'm just going to stop having sex with her!
My wife doesn't want to forgive me for cheating on her? I will commit suicide so she will feel bad about!
Well, now I realized that I treated my wife unfairly so I'm going to do EVERYTHING for her and nothing less!
Seriously... Even if your SIL refuses to go to counseling, I think you brother can benefit immensely from it himself.