Choosing A Friend

Friendship like love, just happens. It can not be made, I think. From early childhood to school, college, office we meet so many people but only a few stay with us or with inky a few we stay with. Sometimes we have good friends within family or extended families. It depends on s many things but most importantly oneness of understanding of things around us pays an important role.

 

Dear Viji,
You have nicely drafted your essay on 'friends'.Practically speaking ninety percent of
the people have a circle of friends, they meet, discuss even personal problems.But on many occasions our personal problems are discussed at various levels,with or without malific intentions,and we are not even aware of it being publicized.We may be pouring out chaff and grain to them and that may become a juicy topic for discussion at some other level or circle.
What do you mean by close friends?

Does it mean friends who will stand by you in your ups and downs? Does it mean friends you will support you, no matter what, you are going through? Does it mean friends who will always find a way out to cheer you up? Or does it mean friends who will be happy in your happiness and sad in your sadness?

Some seem to move closely and share even their very personal matters.That alone does not mean intimacy.Normally we are carried away by the social moments, a tea or lunch we have and talk about earlier days.
But our families are different.Children are of different calibre.I have seen very thick friends upto 35, don't carry on well just because of comparison.There are differences in social status, People who have high social ranking may or may not have academically brilliant children and this becomes the greatest cause of difference.They may not fight outside and continue socializing.But there is a heartburn which is never revealed.

Friendship that you see on TV or read about in books is not real. You may say that you have seen such kinds of friendship exists in real life too but then if you are not close to them, you can never say what goes inside their head. When people aren't honest to themselves then how can you assume that they will be honest to you or to anyone.

We all are living in a world where everyone wants to outshine everyone else. We all are in the rat race to prove ourselves to others who don't even care. In this world, friendship only means having a social circle to talk to, to bitch about, to get information from, to hang out with, and to appear cool.

I once read a quote that said

"Restrain yourself from sharing your problems with others, because

80℅ of the people don't care, and

Rest 20℅ are happy that you have them"

And if you think closely you will believe in it.
I may look negative.But that is the reality.

I am not advocating that one shouldn't make friends, humans are social creatures and they can't live in isolation. Rather I am saying refrain yourself from expecting too much. You have friends, you go out with them, talk to them, tag them in memes, know that they are doing well, that's it. Do not expect more.

It is always better to have arms length relationship with everybody including close relatives and friends and that sort of relationship may continue for ever rather than getting too close and being cut off.
I always advise my children to have great care in sharing information with friends and get not carried away by the way they address you by 'akka, anna, chithi, thambi, kanna, darling etc etc'.

In this too competitive , a world, it may not be possible to sustain a friendship among odds,especially amidst a crisis,that too financial.The friendship as that between kuchela and krishna ,or between Karna and Duryothana as described in our epics is extremely rare to find.
Many of our friends are'hello and Hello' friends with mere lip service only.
jayasala42

 

Dear viji,
"A friend in need is a friend indeed."
A friend who is there at our side when we are in desperate need for some help is trustworthy.
We can't choose a friend looking at the status. A friend should be trustworthy, loving, caring, forgiving, accepting us whole heartedly with our success and failures. A true friend will point out when we are wrong. At times there might be difference of opinion and it should be understood mutually and it should not be made as a thorn in friendship.
True friends will never forsake each other. Friends who are just giving lip service are not true friends. There are friends who are more supportive than relatives and blessed are those who have such friends.
PS

 

Wow Mam you nailed it right! My mom used to say always thamarai ilai thaneer pola iru. Don't expect too much from everyone!

 

I never consicously choose someone as a friend. I just go with the flow. There are some with whom I gel well, I enjoy talking to them. There is love but no attachement. With time, I may not be able to keep in touch with them but they are always there in my thoughts and blessings.

Somehow, I feel love and respect for everyone. There is an inherent feeling that world is one family and all are my own.