Do I Owe Any Responsibilities To Parents Who Treated Me Most Shabbily,meanly Against My Bro & Sil

@Umanga @ashneys @Sunshine04 @Sandycandy @RohiniVenkat @kalcandu @Brevity @nb25 @BhumiBabe @sindmani @Naari @yellowmango @Kera @maddysweet

Hello all,

I have created this fresh thread, please give ur views,Frank opinions, honest replies on length on what can be done.

To give an expansive context you can refer to my links :-

Sil Is Really Is Costing Our Family Too Much

http://indusladies.com/community/th...t-to-forget-them-as-nightmare-of-life.303329/

Please go through all of you my context and scenario and reply me about your views whether I hold any duties or responsibilities towards my parents go take care of them in their old age. I feel I have suffered and scapegoated the most in my family, but things will not always be like how they are, now it's their son and DIL whom they always side,support, guard and protect, but later in future if they come ND ask my favour or help to me, should I help them or just shrug off due to basest treatment I received from them, I think my wounds & bruises they have carved on my hearts ,never dampen with time even after 100 years ,such is the extent they have damaged my feelings, expectations ,and ruined my relationship with them that it can be more better than being indifferent or non-existent to them forgetting them that once in lifetime I was part of their family,!!!!

3 days back my family was invited by our relative to go to some functions as they visited Amarnath temple and bought some prasad and they were doing some POOJA.

My mom, bro and SIL went. Later only my mom returned. She told that grandson went to hyderabad, when she expressed this I felt shocked as to how come there people can go so fast & settle. But deep in deep I knew she(mom)was telling me intentionally to know what will be my reaction or expression when she learns about that. Next day when my bro returned to home, then I came to know all she told day before was due to lies so that she finds out what I tell if I learn that both have gone to Hyderabad.

Later in the evening when I asked my mom, will these people be always with you and cannot you just like a mild advise say that "we have grown old and aged up", so you pls do things yourself, else those people will make ur life shorter. If you want to stay 10 more yrs, they will reduce to 5 yrs by making you work. She got infuriated and screamed @ my dad, calling him. He told "what is my issue". Then I explained that if "they are taking the services form you throughout life, then I cannot marry since I can never get mominlaw and dadinlaw like ur Dil who pamper ur Dil to the core." I told she ,(mom) Always will be back of me get me married, but I know I can never get better or best in-laws than you people on his earth so I cannot marry. Then my dad told "if you want to marry you marry, but don't link to the condition that you should get equally good inlaws like us". Your sil has already left the home, since you have made frowned faces to her just while passing by her and you are behaving as unfriendly and stranger alien to her. All this ,probably her parents may have come to known, they are sitting quite, thinking that "we(my mom and dad) should not be offended, they respect us, so even if you are not good to her they are tolerating it". She is also daughter of someone, so you have to be careful with those dangerous people like her dad(who is very quarrelsome ). Don't think she is soft target etc. His words really shocked me. He is supporting her more than me. For him sil has become his closest daughter. So I told when I have not done anything wrong, infact I get "shivers to come or face those people (my bro and SIL)". So when I am oblivious and indifferent , how do you label me that I am troubling her. I know very well that sil is intentionally doing all this drama to gain sympathy from my parents, bro & her parents. Especially whenever I walk in living room, she comes opposite of me,and complains to my mom and bro that I am making frowned faces when I see her, as if my frowning affects her or brings some holes on her body. She is making "mountains out of molehill" and trying hardest so as to victimise me and accuse me, this stupid lady(sil), when I don't even talk to her, its been 2 months i have left talking to her and her husband (bro), but still she is complaining that I trouble her and my face remains "unpleasing when I come across her". I wonder why the hell should she see my face , it's very well known to her that post ,physical fight of my bro, neither me nor they (,bro & SIL)are never talking to each other. Even if I walk past them anytime in home , (most of the times except for getting food I will be always in my own room, thinking those devils will complain against me if they see me, fabricating some stories to scaopegoat me). But still when very very rarely, I and she(sil) come across each other while passing by in living room(big hall that connects mine and their room and it's imperative I have to walk past their room to each kitchen ), then she instantly goes & starts her drama, of crying b4 my mom & bro saying that I am wearing unpleasant face & frowned faces whenever I see her and she starts crying to that intensity as though someone come and hit her or thrashed her. And listening to all her drama, my mom complains about this to my dad. My dad starts arguing that "she will anyway not stay foot here since u are creating troubles for her and may be her parents know that what all you have done(he is reprimanding with me as though I have thrashed or beaten her up, he(my dad ) is magnifying also similar to my sil,and protecting and always taking her as though he is her REAL father, and I am not related to him anymore.). So I told him "just because you have become ardent FAN of your dIL don't blame me by you allow following footprints of your dIL , making mountain out of molehill, what is there so much to be upset &, cry , complain abt me to you all ( husband ,including you and mom), we have known that longback I don't like her and she doesn't like me, so she has to be indifferent or oblivious to my presence, what's the point in creating hell lot of tantrums, crying, complaining to you all and her parents magnifying about my behaviour, towards her, as though I have thrashed her, or beaten her up & why the hell does she bother to even see my face, can't she avoid looking at my face, I know very well, She is simply trying to play games with you all people gaining hollow sympathy, building false accusations and allegations against me, so that her ulterior motives of you people becoming severely upset with me all people , will create a stand of hatred towards me, and she wants you people (my mom and dad )to severe the ties with me, that is what is her evil plan master GRAND PLAN. My dad is siding her since she has left our home to stay for 4-5 days at her parents home, I know very well she comes back, but this fellow (,my dad ) is not able to tolerate till she comes, I don't really know what is making him(my dad who was my closest person in my family always loving me more than anyone from my family like my mom or bro in childhood has shifted to parents her & always he gets affected more than her). So his(dad ) behaviour simply baffles me as to how can anyone change the daughter , once his son gets married (substitute daughterinlaw as her own daughter ) and treat his daughter with least value like outsider/alien or person who never belongs to this family. I agree my bro is married to her so I accept the fact if my bro sides her and fights with me, I can digest Abt it, but I can never believe, his behaviour nowadays is shocking me hell. He is becoming more ferocious than his son inorder to side or support his daughterinlaw, that he is ready to risk relations and severe ties with daughter siding daughter-in-law.

So high time has come to make me get forcibly believed that he is no a longer my dad, when he ready to confront me hours together to price that his Dil is right, and I am wrong, that too for no mistakes of mine (just passing it walking past her in some common rooms of home ).

I have openly told him that i am observing mountainous changes in your behaviour,you seem to be even more hurted or offended even before your SON or SIL GTS affected in any ways, and you seem to be overprotective of her, rather than your SON in shielding her so I forgetting him, if not anyone in this family I had you as the last person in this family to bank upon atleast small amount of trust,hope that you don't harm, criticise or reprimand me any way, but I find very very vividly with all your confrontations & hours together of speech that you give to me in favour of your SON & SIL, that is stifling me like anything in this home.

I have asked him to hand over all my properties papers,including a valuables in bank lockers, belonging to me, since I am no longer feel that this person (on whom I had immense trust that even if my mom & bro are dead hostile from my childhood but atleast I had strong belief that my dad will always be with me ). They are already 3 members ,(my mom,bro , sil ) and they are not sparing even my dad to side me atleast in ways, they complain fabricating some stories to my dad also. Since he already substituted sil as his daughter, he is crazily fighting me so fiercely that he is not even asking his conscience whether want she is telling is really true or not.

At times she rewinds the memories of those moments when she wept due to my Bro's behaviour, like if he speaks to her in raised voice very very rarely which he does, she combines with complains against me so that her emotions of weeping can get aggregated & complains to my dad ,mom making them feel (due to her strong emotions ) that I have done something terribly wrong. She aggregates her emotions to make it piles up as though she is suffering only from me, but deep in her mind remembering all those instances when she wept for my bro's mistakes also(so that my parents get hint )that I am being very hostile to her even if I am silent and never speaks to her.

I am really sad it's shocking to me that how can anyone(sil) face the impact so severely even if someone (like me ) is not talking to them, & make it mountain of out molehill or nothing, I really wonder "if just being silent and walking past her with frowned faces, itself affects her so disturbingly and deeply,then what about if she is confronted or scolded or reprimanded like how my dad reprimands me???". Delicate darling she is, I really have no words to describe her chameleon like character. Looking at her crocodile tears and way of presenting things as if it has affected hellish way, i feel her place would better have been in some drama theatres, & undoubtedly she would have been the best artist for her immense skills in allegating others, she has the knack of making someone to get punished even to get them thrashed or abused for no fault oh theirs by building all false stories against them.

She often cried even for most silly things, if my bro raises his voice to give some advice or tells some opinion against her wishes, for such small things also she weeps heavily, but that she and my parents take in stride as he is her husband, but she is so clever that whenever she gets chance to PULL me inside she makes sure she never misses to pull me and complain against me combining her emotions from past when she had some fights(he patches with her saying sorry since she never budges not a single time) with bro( remembering all previous bad moments aggregated with me not talking to her , while I walk past her).

I don't understand what is it that looks for so much attention about me, when it's known to all members of family including my mom,dad, bro that we aren't talking to each other, even if we walk past amidst each other, like strangers. Then when there is nothing between us (neither she likes me or I like her), what is the necessity of her to take an extra step(which I won't do) of looking at my face(as if she is very close to me ) & observe things like, how much my face was frowned, when she saw me, how much my lips were swollen, or how much my nose was fat, hoe much my eyes were protruded, etc, I mean what the hell?????, Why should she even look at my face when she doesn't like me, she looks at me,observes me as if she has very friendly I ties with me, how frowned my face was or how unpleasing my face was, and goes to extent of complaining as if what she saw in my face is even more worse than giving her cold tlak, or reprimanding or confronting her. When she complains to my bro,mom, & mom is BBC news agent to my dad who has already become big fan of her(dont know what has attracted him towards her ), he comes and fights me with that, her parents know "what sort of things you are doing against her, they are not coming in fight with us thinking and looking that we (my mom dad ) are good, but it's only her SIL (that is me )troubling her".

So I have told my dad, I have found enough things , about you all, that you all people have become one family, just like how "a dog's tail will never be straightened even if it's put in pipe million times also", they never understand my views, my versions of stories, my explaination to safeguard or rescue myself that I have not done anything wrong to anyone in this family, & that thy should not believe someone's cooked up story or falsely cooked up accusations & allegations.

I heard also that she cries whenever my bro, gets upset or she fights with him. But he has bought many gifts, innumerable gifts, and he looks after her more than my own parents(who deserve lot lot lot since he was their cynosure form his birth till now ), she never holds all his efforts,endeavours in bringing so many things to her. He never bought anything to my mom or not me, but to her, almost he has spend some 30lakhs in these 2.5 years of his marriage since she is commanding to buy her whatever she wants, so when some fight occur or my bro gets upset, she forgets that how many things he may have got her, due to his infinite love, on the contrary she never purchases him anything from her side, even for his bday she just gifts some chocolates, but he gifts her not less than RS.10000 like Google's, dresses, necklace, iPad ,wrist watches etc.

So in this way those ppl(my bro,dad and mom ) are never understanding her deep-rooted character and bottom line attitude that she wants my entire family to be slaved in looking after her like a queen, even if my parents are not well, their hands trembles, aged up, or my bro loses job or he buy her innumerable costliest and enormous gifts to her. At times (2-3 times ) my bro also told my my mom,that whatever and however best i do efforts in caring her,being alongside with her,always addressing her in most sensitive words, & always being grovelling to her, like a slave, she never gives a word of compliment to me or thanks and I regret of marrying her.

I thought my married life would be like my wife takes care of me,she is better off mature in understanding things about him & his family & serves , subordinates & gives the things more rather than expecting infinitely and when given still not being satisfied & whining that she is not at a looked after better in any way. I was expecting lot more mature,sensible, motherly,understanding,caring,loving behaviour from my partner instead of always ending up whining that "she is not all taken care by him & his family in any better way etc". His efforts of pleasing her by being very softspoken, not even telling single advice even if demands hell to speak to her, buying innumerable things that too very costliest is never brining any fruits & it's futile and completely in vain , ending up in smoke. She only expects,expects,expects, and never recognises what is already given to her, & never lends hands in my parental support , she never has that maturedness,sense of responsibility that she has many duties to perform as dilnof this home rather than cribbing always that she was lived or cared from my family.

I pray to GOD, that let her real character of playing,acting and expecting more and more and more from my family be very soon understood by my family, let her identity that quote her filthy shade of character of acting like DRAMA QUEEN be revealed to them at earliest. Then they will come to know who is wrong and who is odd man out in our family.

So can you all please let me know,when my dad has spoken to me in a very shameful and insulting manner, and he is strictly behaving as though she is even closer than daughter to him,he is siding and protecting to her to such a degree, that is making him think she is intentionally remaining there by not returning to our home (even if she has taken a break 4-5 days), complaining to her parents Abt me. I am being scapegoated by him due to her false complains, frivolous dramas ,she is acting & mending my dad ,mom to believe her as if she is severely upset. I feel he has fallen for her obsessively, I even am hating to call him as dad, seeing the way he is siding and protecting to her, I had high expectations from him since from childhood he was the only person who treated me better than others, but now even he has become worst enemy of mine siding and protecting his Dil FAR, FAR,FAR more than required( I have always observed that he is ready to fight with me hours together taking her side, and sometimes, I feel he has become even more insanely, possessive about her than my bro). I get shivers, and the way he talks supporting, pampering his dil pricks to my conscience, that even my conscience is doubting whether he is really my dad. He is going extra miles & beyond boundaries to side her more than required. That too when he knows that we both(me & sil) don't talk to each other mutually, but still if this lady complains about frowns on my face, she complains, as if I have beaten her, that is outstanding level of pain she expresses by crying, making glass fabricated stories Abt me, then my dad (sides me hours and fights with me).

So with this I believe, they have shamed me, insulted me, scapegoated me,treated me shabbily enough, put me in wrong position listening to false accusations from others(bro & sil) the most, that I don't think even I owe them anything, in future, I strongly feel the only solution for this would be to severe ties with them & forget even that I had someone like them as part of my life. When is crystal clear that they all are becoming one & making me as outsider, there is no question of seeing them face to face in future nor taking care of them once they reach threshold of old age, I don't think I have any margins left to even care them even during their old age or even to attend their funerals, I may be not having any margins of respect , that is the level of exploration,shame,Insulting kthings,critisize, reprimanding,derogating & denigrating that their sil is better off far far more than me in all ways, and always taking sides & confronting me for hours, making me feel in every action that I am inferior to their son and sil.

Can you people pls reply by carefully going through my thread that do I owe them any responsibility to look after them in future or in old age even despite hearing my horrendously traumatic story and context I am present into now. Please all of you reply your honest views on the same.

 

Alright. I will talk to my chain of toprated rated lady counsellors at Indiranagar in Bangalore in-depth covering all granular and nitty gritty details that happened happened from my birth till now. I think I will take counselling from more than 4 to 5 members. Talk to them about my issues at length. Then hear the opinions and suggestions about how they guide me to overcome my issues. Would also talk to them about my role in handling the old age of my parents, because now they have their son and DIL, whom they pamper and care, later I am dead sure in the old age of my parents, these people (bro and SIL) turn their tables and wall away far far from taking care of my parents. At such instance I should not be filled with guilt that I also turn the tables like those devilish guys. This judgement and decision is also very very crucial for me to discuss with my counsellors and take their opinions,advices and suggestions of how to handle my parents dependency on me, in case they ask me for hell post 10 yrs or 7-9 years...!!!