Devilish Bro, Sexist Parents,haughty Sil Make My Life Hell, Want To Forget Them As Nightmare Of Life

@Nonya thanks

 

OP, Do not communicate your plans - that you are planning to leave for good etc to your family. Quiet execution is best. Please don't get into arguments/reasoning/seek explanation/explain yourself to them, since these incidents have in the past led to physical abuse. I think you are looking for closure - a reason why your family did not accept you? Don't. Whenever you feel like that, just remind yourself that they loved you as much as they could, and then let it go. Don't blame yourself or try to understand their motives. Don't hold resentment against them. Go on with your life.
Learn to ignore these things. You know that your mom can't force you into marriage. That is enough. Stop trying to reason with her, else situation will keep getting worse. Move away when she is in a temper. Give vague answers like - I don't know, I will inform you, etc when the question of marriage comes up.

I understand you are angry and hurt at their treatment of you, and that it is unfair to be treated like this by your own family. But, I still feel that a lot of the above could have been avoided, by not taking bait, when your mother says something mean. Don't give an Keep your cool, and stay detached from the situation. Please seek out a good therapist as soon as you can, to talk about your feelings, I feel you are not able to move forward as of now. You are still looking for validation of your feelings fro your parents, that you are clearly not getting. What I am trying to say is don't repeat things that have only negative results.

They won't have your address, right? So how will your dad visit? Repeating points again and again only weaken your argument. Keep mum, and do what's best for you. Don't bother about your relatives or your mother's views on your marriage.

Learn also to distance yourself from drama and negativity, else even after cutting contact, you will not get any peace of mind.

Reason doesn't matter. You may feel certain it is SIL's doing, but you don't have proof, and they are two very different things. So, don't say anything on this.

Not your problem.

Digress back to breakfast, weather, office work piling up, etc. and end the call.

But your dad stays out of it. So, don't discuss plans too openly with him.

You live in another city, so shouldn't be to hard.

OP, going through your posts, I feel that you are very sensitive, and that you overthink every situation, and get upset over it. Sorry for being blunt. You should take time for hobbies you enjoy, and that you should go for counselling. Keep yourself busy and active. You need to lighten up if you want to move forward in life.

 

Dear Nari,
i appreciate your boldness in pointing her weakness point blank. I also did that but in a milder tone.Let us put an end to this discussion. i am totally fed up.Sorry to say this.She has to take one direction -right or left but going on pessimistic & Utopian. really thanks for playing the part of poet Nakkerar role.
" The woods are lovely dark & deep but i have promises to keep & miles to go before i sleep"

 

Thanks! I have been quite confused as the Op first seemed like a victim from her family story & then when she came up with her post about she being a strong 'career oriented woman' & highly unreasonable expectations from a future husband, I wasn't sure it was that same girl talking! When @Sunburst tried to tell her some truth, she came up with a strong researched opinion with YouTube vids!! And our friend @Nonya also came up with a hypothetical, ideal world answer with many women sharing a common, good husband in a way suggesting that some of her demands can only be met in a hypothetical world!
Then I thought maybe being blunt will help (though my intention wasn't to hurt or upset op)..

I only hope that :

1. Op is not someone trolling us for days like our wise @Ragini25 suggested too!
2. If it's all real, then may she find all the wisdom & happiness in this world & also the solution that best fits her situation... and I hope to hear a very happy story from her some day later!

 

IL members post the whatever, and let the other members see it the way their view of the world makes them see. Even a sweet advice can be taken as not so sweet if the reader be so inclined. That cannot be helped.

A while back I posted this:Show That Snippet, A Conversation, A Paragraph, That Is Good...

 

Hallo Nari,
I think u want to to initiate a serious discussion.thanks. " Where there is a will there is a way" Haven't u heard of it. Woman freedom not in fighting for selfish causes. it is different .i can write pages about it. no time ,no health. i give my own example . my MIL no more died at 43 yrs. one SIL,2 BILS .naturally one FL. my mother first advice ' u are entering into a family without a mother. ur responsibilities are more .Be prepared for it & think seriously whether this alliance is o.k.for u." My fiancee at that time & now my DH is my mothers own maternal cousin. see the advice.i said once this is fixed ,known also ,i am not a person to change my decision once taken after serious mental analysis,let me face whatever comes.

As already told by me in this forum - a man can never love his wife or children unless he loves his own blood relations.Blood is mightier than sword. pl don't think i am an ideal wife because of all these. my DH remembers to send money to my SIL for festivals . even if he forgets i will remind him.reg BILS God not I has blessed me to make things straight whenever there is any issue among them. my FL nice person but had his own human nature. i took care of him as DF in old age. We did a great blunder i don't know why the same God did not help us. My DH was working in different place..

"The woods are lovely dark & deep but i have promises to keep & miles to go before i sleep"

 

@venlax Your story is great and I think you are a great DIL and wife. That's impressive!

No, I don't.. we have already discussed so much serious stuff on this thread, so that's the last thing I want to do now. I may head for a bhaang party with @Sandycandy later this week/ weekend (you may have heard of this little fun thing we have been doing).. I am happy to invite you guys to join us too.. I think we have so much guilt, anguish, hatred, sadness etc all negative feelings floating on this forum that I think the only thing we all need is some laughter & fun here!! Maybe later this week, will start a new thread with some fun stuff ...You can join us too

LIFE IS SHORT, SO JUST ENJOY