How My 6 Hours/day Work Changed My Husband View & Life Style

My story is reverse .
Ditto same story . Worked for 10 years . Now not on job for last 2 years .
Till i left my job i did not know about people . Now i know about people and how i ve to ask him even for small amount. If i were born as man , i would treat my wife whether she worked not not .
But no , i am born as woman n there were days when i cried lot due to hurting words .
But i thank god for showing me truth .
Now i can work again . I am even trying . But i cannot love with my whole heart

 

Dear @SaiNiharika , yours is not a healthy home setup. I am sure it will be exploded after some time, damage will be more.

You handed ATM card to your husband, that is the height of controlling. that too only 500 for expenses . Even I spend sometimes that much only, still I don't give authority to access my account.
He is treating you like a kid. You have to show that you can also manage .

Tell him that you will be able to manage expenses as you know the family condition but you want your card back.
If he doesn't give , account is still yours, goto the bank withdraw money say around 5K/10k based on expenses.

Try to go for grocery shopping alone, buy yours/kids clothes with that money. pay bills.
If he questions a lot/or shouts at, tell him that you are trying to learn finances.
learn investment options (like PPF, NSC and shares), there are hundreds of best investments than simple FD.

I remember my DH used to hold same feeling about my financial management say initial 1 year of marriage. Of course I was naive,
I have big ego to accept that, within a month time, I knwo many options than him, I am better planner, investor and adviser than him. Now he seeks advice from me.

All in all I never shared ATM card/account details , so he. Roughly we discuss how much we could save

 

Acting skills??? I used to come at night 11 pm( somtime I end up working late) and wash all the vessels, which is waiting for me in the kitchen and my fill, mil will be watching TV.!! And I need to get up at 6.30 in the morning to cook !!!

Some people are like that . Only God can change them not human beings ... But those are the olden rotten days for me. Don't want to think about it . Now I am happy " in the moment " Thank good

 

Reesha, it's really interesting to hear your experience . I am glad working outside the home made you more confident and made others respect you more. I have always worked and been independent, but it seems like in laws that want to find faults will find something to criticize . My education , job , payscale, capabilities have all been criticized along with my cooking skills . So the bottom line is that irrespective of whether one is working or a housewife , some in laws will always find faults . It's upto the DIL to be confident about herself and know that their opinions do not matter .

 

Rs 500 for your personal expenses after working hard and making 50,000 rs a month ?? This is beyond ridiculous and amounts to abuse according to me . Do you have access and information about the saving accounts , FD's that your hard earned money is going into ??

 

Wow.....padikkavey happy a a irukku

 

Reesha, interesting story and perspective! I have always believed in & something that I always advice every young college girl is that being financially independent is the first & foremost thing that you need to do before getting married, dating.. Just like you focus on getting all your education first, it is also important to be working & get to a professionally, fulfilling stage before even thinking of getting married. If you are working & financially independent, nobody including your in laws or husband won't say a thing or force you to do anything since they know she won't take no s***& since she is independent if we harass her she won't think for a second & move on leaving the Dh. I have seen so many smart, educated girls who were married off before they settled in their careers & had to quit before their career took off due to baby, other personal reasons & then were exploited by in laws family because & pressured to do lot of things because she wasn't fully independent yet..but yes, sandy candy is right in that you may still be criticized by in laws which they won't stop doing in any scenario, but when you are working, you have the power & command & ability to take decisions & ppl naturally know that you won't take any nonsense !
I am glad you got back to work & things are easier after that! Good for you !

 

Sandycandy, every time you write about yourself, I see a parallel to my story, same thing. Glad to find a IL with an identical story!! Can I say same pinch?

 

Lol same pinch . I am interested in knowing how you handled things . I have had such a tough time treading that fine line between between being firm but not disrespectful.

 

Glad you brought this up Sandycandy. You are point on, because I have felt the same way. Been pretty firm and direct in expressing myself, some may call it blunt but honestly I do feel that I lacked tact, in hindsight. But, I am not sure if I had been more tactful, diplomatic, changing conversation topics to make them forget it, would it have helped or been different? Don't know. But the outcome would have been the same, I would not be doing what my in laws expected , so they would not be happy, but maybe it would have been a softer blow? u think so? also, another question, is an independent, loving dil a good Dil, if she does not necessarily act per in laws wishes but is good and respectful otherwise. She does not mean any bad for anyone. What do you think?

I have been thinking a lot lately and feel like in Indian culture, dil can never be happy whether she obeys everything that in laws say or if she does only what she believes in and does not succumb to in law pressure. In the former case, she wouldn't be happy as she does things out of compulsion and force, something she does not believe in and she may feel like she is losing her identity. In the latter case, which is mine, I feel happy that I always put my foot down and never did what I did not believe in, but then questions arise in retrospect, in your head that maybe I could have done this, done that, it would not have killed me to do this, then maybe in laws would have been happier, you start blaming yourself because you did not suck up to their demands. So either way the Dil is never going to be happy, isn't it? I always feel like I did what I wanted, so maybe did not 'make sacrifices' like other Dils or like other people say they made. But, on the other hand, who knew how we were supposed to handle such complex situations with such long lasting consequences. I feel like I still don't know what exactly we are supposed to do, then back then definitely did not know for sure!! What has been your experience and what are your thoughts?