A Married Life Which Never Started

Aamrapali,

I want to bring to the fore this observation of Rihana.

I have read your posting somewhere. That was an impressive post! The only reason I posted in your thread today is because you didn’t appear impulsive like someone who married the second time on a whim. You sounded balanced and analytic in your thinking in that post as well as this post. You are not someone who will risk the second time with little or no caution. You would have contemplated a lot about this guy only then agreed, which means there was something about him which charmed you.

If that indulgence has dissipated, or back-grounded, it is for you to not just sense or infer but firmly determine.

Often to retain our sanity, we convince ourselves that our perception of reality is the only reality. You need to know what is he thinking, how does he feel about your estranged life. If both have given up for whatever reasons, only then make a clean break and divorce. You or he might not realise now but one of you could be attracted to someone in the near future and you don’t want the hassle and guilt of EMA hovering on your head. That will complicate life further!

 

Aamrapali,

Can you perceive your dreams by not getting into a official divorce process. coz that might drain you and divert your worries to a new thing.

You are available for him all time. He is taking you for granted.
The best thing you should do at this point is to make more people in your life. I know its tough for people like you and me who are not social.
You can try Satsang or travel meetups.

 

@aamrapali ,
Like Iravati and @Rihana have mentioned, I have found your posts to be well balanced and well thought out , so hesitate to advice, I doubt I could offer anything better than what you can come up with.

The sense of bleakness oozing from your post ...
Jeenae ki vajah toh koi nahi , marneka bahana doondta hai...

This pain isnt just about your marriage, your expectations, your husband, it is about the sense of unfulfillment, a void within you. Whether you walk out of this marriage or not , please find some meaning, purpose in your life. You are a beautiful , intelligent and wise woman, you will find your way.

 

Why should a person feel that someone else is responsible to make them happy ? Man pursued, and caught someone who was (admittedly somewhat to pretty much) recalcitrant about a remarriage. What was the premarital promise -- expressed or implied ? We don't know. Perhaps the man is pooped after that pursuit. Perhaps it is true about buyer's remorse -- the harder the haggling to the purchase, the greater the remorse on ownership. We don't know.

The OP aamrapali ought to find ways to engage with the world. A woman of 40 with such a lot of "pro"s listed in the first post should find it easy to go out and do something on her own. There are no generic prescriptions for this.

 

OP...

many couple are in the same shoes as you. My 1st marriage was like this, I will come home & there will be silence! I was busy with dance & other things, had many friends..but still nothing replaced the lonliness i felt in the marriage. a feeling of suffocation...a fear, if my life was doomed. i left my spouse citing his cheating as the reason...but later I realized it was not the cheating, I felt very lonely in the marriage and I wanted a final nail in the coffin that would make me leave. I thank all my stars

choosing the right partner is the most important thing in a marriage. I got very lucky with my 2nd marriage. and there is a world of difference! i come home there is laughter, there is a connection and there is good sex..since i feel the difference, I can relate to what you are going through.

i suggest you both go for marriage counseling before taking any major decisions

 

it is not about 'someone' has to make people happy. It is having someone very close to you, you see them everyday and then slowly a feeling of "not caring" seeps in. the couples just exist and they don't live. it is like a disease, you can't run away from it...not matter how much you try to mask it by "creating" happiness elsewhere..the disease is always at the back of your mind, waiting to pounce on you as soon as you face the reality