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Is It Necessary To Take Decisions Together In Marriage?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by manjur, Mar 12, 2017.

  1. manjur

    manjur Senior IL'ite

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    Hi friends ,
    Yesterday my husband told he gave advance to buy a property near mils house. Every one told that house not good no sunlight rooms very smalletc .I told him will look for another. But my in laws Insisted,so he is buying.I felt bad.
    Many decision s in house he takes on his own .he gave money to someone without telling,and the person didn't return it.if I ask why you are not telling before, he tells it is my money , why should I ask

    But he will ask me about how much money will my mother give me

    Am I only to cook food and look after the kids.no say in house.how can I have any discussion with him anymore

    Please help ease my mind and get out of it
     
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  2. Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

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    Tell him that your mother is not going to give you and your husband any money. Even if she gives you any, you dont have to tell him.

    If possible, start making him save for yourself and your kids future.

    If you are not earning currently, i would suggest you to look for jobs and start with something.
     
  3. Brevity

    Brevity Gold IL'ite

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    Be confident and say as a matter of fact that what he earns is part yours as well. Or let him employ a maid, nanny, cook, tutor 24x7 a month a see his expense. The fact is that you both are raising a family together. So everything is yours as well. Even law says that. Be cool when you say this. Reiterate without getting into a fight or argument.

    If he is still dumb enough to not see this then try to get a job, even as a tution teacher and do less around the house. Let him also pitch in with the chores. Ask him if thats what he wants.
     
  4. Brevity

    Brevity Gold IL'ite

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    And yes. He was wrong in not including you in a major decision as house purchase. But it is done. So no use fighting over it.

    You save little by little and buy jewelry or something for your security. Also make sure that he saves for your child's education.
    Rest, let him spend as he deems fit.
     
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  5. aswathyk

    aswathyk Gold IL'ite

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    Yes it's necessary @manjur . please try to make some earnings and save it for you and your children.
     
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  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    To answer your question... NO.. The decisions must be taken mutually. If one spouse is not happy about the decision, the other must try to convince and convincing should take its own time.
    Practically if one spouse is very adamant and doesn't wanna see the benefits that comes with the decision, but keeps old grudges etc to deny.. then sometimes depending on the severity of the context, one spouse is forced to make the decision against the other.
    It is tough and it takes time to convince the other or let it pass.

    But in general, both spouses should be open to discuss and agree to disagree in a decent manner, so that the family benefits from it.

    In your case, your husband is wrong. I am not sure whether he will change, or he has any reason to change, given the fact that his parents are behind him.
    So, better you have some financial independence and have a say in your family matters. At least until you become a very crucial member in your immediate family, some financial independence is important.

    Btw.. Why should your mom give you money after marriage???
     
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  7. manjur

    manjur Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you Elsa brevity aswathy sgbv for taking the time to reply

    What hurts is feel like an housemaid.I have very less confident that at 40 I will get job.I studied diploma.but I have a small saving for myself
    We are in a rented house .he is not interested in buying an apartment for us,for that he tell thousand excuse, but mil wants to buy another one and he immediately agreed.some men thinks their only duty is towards parents.

    My mother just offered to help me.and he know it.

    He will never change .I know .he want to.discuss all.money related matters with his parents only.

    I am sad that I have lost interest in day to day life
     
  8. SudhaChats

    SudhaChats Junior IL'ite

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  9. SudhaChats

    SudhaChats Junior IL'ite

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    Very sad dear he should have consulted you but try to find out what he has to say
     
  10. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    This is not a rental house , this is a house you are buying and going to stay for the rest of your life. How can you even take this lightly , . This is totally unacceptable . Tell him you will never move into that house and he can go stay there by himself . When I hear about these kind of chauvinist husbands I can't understand why the wives put up with it.
     

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