Exposing A Cheating Husband To His Wife

So true, about messenger getting shot. The OP, "concerned neighbor" is very likely asking for "it", if she interferes. I would recommend to NOT be her friend. Be an arms-length acquaintance, and talk about the weather, and how children don't get as many colds these days, when they eat bitter gourds.....there are thousands of neutral topics for mums to talk when their kids are together in the sandbox.
Here is a moral story Ocean of Stories: Tales from India: Panchatantra: The Wedge-Pulling Monkey: "

There was a city in a certain region. In a grove nearby, a merchant was having a temple built. Each day at the noon hour the foreman and workers would go to the city for lunch.
Now one day a troop of monkeys came upon the half-built temple. There lay a tremendous anjana log, which a mechanic had begun to split, a wedge of acacia-wood being thrust in at the top.

There the monkeys began their playful frolics upon tree-top, lofty roof, and woodpile. Then one of them, whose doom was near, thoughtlessly bestrode the log, thinking: "Who stuck a wedge in this queer place?" So he seized it with both hands and started to work it loose.

Now what happened when the wedge gave at the spot where his private parts entered the cleft, that, madam, you know without being told.
And that is why I say that meddling should be avoided by the intelligent."​

back to Nonya:
Obviously the alternate moral is, let the menfolk pull the wedge, that is, if you already have two or three kids.

​

 

Sometimes we try to be well wishers but it backfires on us if the other person doesn't accept the help or advice..so u decide what to do..
FYI during my college days I was in similar situation when my friend was dating a guy and that guy was cheating on her with many girls..I wanted to tell her but my instinct told me to stay out of it...
Turns out, they were dating each other just casually for time pass to have fun during college days, and my friend also was flirting with few other guys, and they parted ways amicable after college..I'm glad I din't interfere, it would have been soooo awkward..
Of course the situation is different in ur case so u decide.
If u tell this woman and they face problems with their marriage u will feel very very guilty..thats also to be considered..

 

I feel worried for your friend from the angle that she might end up getting STDs if the jerk of her husband isn't being careful enough.

From all other angles I'd say, sad for her but you butt out and just be a listening post... the fact that she might get infected for no fault of her's upsets me. It sounds to me that she's all her kids have.

 

I find these soft, homely women types mostly are tuned to the ways of their men. I wont be surprised if she knows and is keeping quite just because. That is another reason OP should keep away.

 

@Sneha1122
Its a very tricky situation when you don't know how the wife would react. I would suggest try to steer the conversation towards her married life and husband in general and try to give her clues. If she is really unaware of her DH she might open up and you can find a way.

Before doing any thing make ur self strong. I had to deal with similar thing 10 years ago when my friends BF was cheating her. When she realized he was cheating, it was tough to handle her and dealing with that situation. Me and other friends had around 10 days of sleepless/tensed days.

Since here it involves married couple with kids be careful.

 

Tell this woman about her cheating husband,...no woman even uneducated woman( even maids in India) in her right mind would want to be treated like a dirt, like a second fiddle or a towel to use and throw once the husband comes back after dipping his sausage in some other dipping...

one of my friends friend trusted her husband like any thing...but he was cheating which she wasn't aware of..once some girl told her about her husband, she hired a private investigator, caught the guy red- handed and sent divorce notice...she was shocked to realize that he had been cheating on her !!

kids or no kids- people who stay with cheaters have zero self respect for themselves !!...

kids whose father are cheaters, they hate their father when they grow up and start understanding reality..if they see their mother staying with cheating husband, they start hating their mother too after they grow up !!

so do this woman a favor by telling her the truth about her nasty husband who is dipping his sausage in some other pudding behind her back n then coming back to her for different pudding....

 

OP, I understand your frustration & hesitation also. Not getting involved is wise but it doesn't seem to be the right thing to do.

You say she has low self-esteem & is less educated & has no support system. So even if she knows what he's up to, what can she do? She may realise inner strength or she may lose the will to live. Or she may stay quiet, not having a choice, but unhappy forever with this knowledge chipping away at her. You can't predict it.

The thing is, she may find out anyway: accidentally, some other person less concerned with consequences may blurt it out, his ex-gf may tell her, and so on.

May I suggest helping her to gain self-esteem, some strength? When you guys meet suggest she do a course or get a part-time job, cos it's always helpful, makeovers, exercise, self-care, beauty. This way you are arming her. Tell her you think women should be self-sufficient, self-reliant, and how you & your friends do your own thing "cos kids grow up & then where are we?" Hints, suggestions, girl power talk.

If she ever confides in you you can say she now has options, but don't ever reveal you knew. Some secrets we should keep to ourselves.
I commend you for empathising & wanting to do something. This way you are a good friend & helping her more permanently.

Stay strong. It won't be easy. But please don't let it get to you. If she doesn't want to help herself it's not on you. Then you detach & go back to light discussions about the kids. Eventually, you'll drift apart. If she does take your advice, well, you've helped someone turn their life around.

All the best, dear OP.