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To Divorce Or Not To..

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sruthiroopini, Jan 28, 2017.

  1. swan02

    swan02 Silver IL'ite

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    With all due respect Sruthi....you are not facing abuse but retaliation. Your husband came to know you are having an extra marital affair - he is not threatening you, he is stating a fact. You are abusing him though.

    Please know the difference for yourself. Had your husband or your lover carried a relationship behind your back, would you say "okay that's fine...let's have an open relationship....babe just sleep with your lover and have passionate sex, and I'll have dinner ready for both of you when you get back". Would have loved to help you and save a good marriage going to pieces. However you alone are responsible here.

    Your husband and your parents are not abusing you. They are reacting to a situation that you have put them in. If you are so independent why are you here? You are not here for advise? You haven't paid head to the last 30 posts. You are asking for sympathy. And justification for committing adultery.

    If your sex life was unbearable, you should have divorced. Not cheated. I have gone through it, I know a sexless marriage is hard. Cheating is what cowards do. Standing up and fighting is the right thing to do. If it fails, you then walk out. Not insult the other person, find greener pastures and options for yourself, and let the other person hanging.

    Please cut this crap of leaving your son behind so your husband has someone. If you want to fly a free bird - then do so. Don't play a double life.

    Sorry but I'm done giving you advise. You reap what you sow.
     
  2. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    OP, It's only 6 months that u have known man2. U should spend minimum 2 to 3 years with him, only then you will come to know his genuinity. U said u r 32, obviously the guy age has to be more than 32. Have u ever thought why he is single yet when u say he can do wonders in bed. I have a strong feeling that he is playing with you after he got to know your background. The things u have said like mehandi and steamy scenes happen mostly in movies and serials and may be a rare occurrence in each females life. The ones who have it often are just exceptions.

    In case you marry guy2, and what after marriage he feels that you are not compatible with him on many other fronts like cooking, intelligence, maturity and even sex. What if he feels that you are not as pleasing as he thought you to be. What if he finds a better woman than you in beauty ,bed, intelligence, finance etc after say one or two years.

    I personally feel guy2 is a cheat. Had he been a good one he would not have tried to impress a married woman with kid. He understood that you will fall in his trap. He for su have had many experiences in bed, otherwise why on earth would he settle for you. Are there not enough unmarried girls for him to marry. Don't think good abt him only on the basis of Facebook comments. I remember one guy who had posted so many senti comments about how he missed his wife on her death. And just after 2 months started searching for a new wife. And got married again just after her 1st death anniversary. So what you see in Facebook is not real. Please don'e
     
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  3. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    Pls don't haste with your decision to marry him.
     
  4. Lathasv

    Lathasv IL Hall of Fame

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    I have been watching this thread and read almost all posts. I feel OP already in the mindset of marriage man 2 so giving advices against to her decision are waste . She won't think and don't change her decision too . Let her do what she wants to do......just I feel sorry for the kid and hope he will Be fine without her mom
     
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  5. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    " My husband is threatening me that he will put a adultery case against me. even now, whenever there is a fight about this matter, he disallows entrance into bedroom and does not allow me to touch my son's hair also. He just separates me from my kid. He also is emboldened that my parents are on his side so that he can prevent my kid from coming to me."

    is this the same person whom you called a good husband , he seems like a wolf in a sheeps clothing . Lady , right now You need a good lawyer to consult with. If you have any siblings or close friends who can help you,avail their help. Your husband and parents I think are too simple minded and this is nothing short of catastrophic for them, hence their behaviour . Anyways there seems to be no repair here . But you can maybe fake a truce for a while , buy yourself sometime , find a place to stay , make arrangements so that your son can be with you. It's difficult but not impossible . Just remember that this a bad phase and this too shall pass .
     
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  6. rajatsingh

    rajatsingh Silver IL'ite

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    Before labelling a member as troll, pls go to the members profile page and click on "find all Threads by the member".. this particular member has posted 10 different Threads on 10 different subjects , including parenting working women etc, on 10 different occasions.....this makes it least likely that this OP is a troll.
     
  7. ThirumathiJ

    ThirumathiJ Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Sruthi,

    Take care of yourself.
    Gain strenth.

    Wish you the best in your future decisions.

    I think it's best to leave your kid with your husband.
    He needs your son more than you. I am pretty sure he will never
    Ever get married again. Let him have your son.

    I knew all along you wouldn't want to be with your husband. You are deeply in LOVE
    All you could ever think now is re uniting with that Love. Sincerely wish you the BEST!

    There are many kinds of people:
    1)Mom's who just die in the kitchen day and night cooking, cleaning round the clock.
    2) Modern moms who balance life domestically and outside.
    3) Few of them who wants to live life to the fullest, without sacrifing or compromising anything.

    All the have their rewards and regrets - it's just people are born different. There aren't many who belong to the 3)rd category. It's all about what your priority is. No one can convince any of the categories to go into a different category.

    So again, I wish you nothing but the best for your future.
    I wish your husband can find some peace too. As difficult as it is for you, it would be 100 times more painful for the one we leave behind. In this case you have found your Man 2. But your husband has lost the only woman, You. So it's understandable how badly he is going to treat you now.

    Leave your kid with him and be happy with Man 2.
     
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  8. shainy

    shainy Silver IL'ite

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    Here i respectfully disagree with you. Awesome husband has become like this only after knowing her affair. Who in the right mind won't get angry unless one is a saint?
    Leave this husband lone, her parents were mad at her too and taking part in the verbal abuse. What do you call her parents then? They all are doing it, because they want the good life for her. Somehow they want to make her to listen to make to keep the marriage and work on it slowly. Right now, OP is blinded by the love for Man 2. She is not in a position to listen to anyone, including her own parents.

    Any parents would want the BEST for their kids. Even in OP's case too. One negative thing she lacks in this marriage can be fixed if she wants to work on the marriage and give it her 100%. Now the husband might have realized the seriousness of the issue, he will put his 100% too. Instead of fixing the marriage, OP is looking for other ways outside the marriage. This is not the right way to fix the issues. She even made the situation worse.

    OP didn't tell us if Man 2 has introduced her to his family and how do they accept her if she gets married to him? Why he was single until now if there are no negative things about him? Men would like to brag about these affairs to friends as adventures. God knows how many people Man 2 told about his affair to OP. It for sure ruins her name in the society.

    If Man2 is genuine, why is he giving an ultimatum to you to make a decision? Can't he wait until you make up your mind? Why do you have to rush the things and make the decisions in haste? Because this is want your Man 2 wanted out of you.

    Imagine the same situation some x years down the road. What if the man 2 thinks you are not as good as he thought to be in any thing? What if he dumps you when you are older? What goes around comes around for sure. Please think about it.

    OP, ask yourself all these questions and see if you see a favorable response.
    If Man 2 knows that you are married and still started the affair with you, do you still think he is genuine in his thoughts? No one in the right mind will do it unless he wanted to take advantage of your marital situation.

    Even ILites who don't know you personally want the best for you. Please think about your parents and kid before you make a decision. If you are making the best decision, your parents will always with you no matter what. If you are in an abusive relationship, definitely they would have supported you without any second thoughts.

    You put everyone in an ugly situation and when they reacted to it, you complain about abusiveness. None of this would have happened if you didn't have an affair with man 2 in the first place.

    Some how your life reminds of me a telugu movie "deerga sumangali bhava". Please watch it when you can.
     
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  9. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    Having read all posts and given present situation, would advice u to think with a calm mind..instead of letting body and hormones to influence your decision, spend some time alone to introspect over your life and and think of pros and cons of your actions..your husband has unleashed his anger on you on knowing of ur infidelity, and ur parents who have a good opinion of ur husband have also shown anger in their way...in the heat of the moment if u just run away from home with or without kid it's the kid who is getting affected psychologically..

    Without supporting either u or ur husband , let me suggest with a neutral perspective..
    Let things cool down..lie low for some weeks and resume life as usual without talking or interacting with anyone..Meanwhile talk to some lawyers and counsellors to asses present situation and know your options..
    Do not make your sexual incompatibility issues public..remember that society doesn't care about ur problems, and may even brand you with unnecessary names and you will get unwanted attention..society is not gonna support you and the unnecessary publicity and humiliation that your family members and husband get will be incomparable and make them more angry..this is something to be sorted out discreetly within family.
    You need to give some space to man2 and also make enquiries about him without him knowing...you have to verify if he is a genuine person who wants to spend his life with you or he is just trapping you for having short term affair...when u say he is sexually active, it means he has had physical relations with many many women..so you are not the only woman in his life, in past present or maybe future also..u need to check how loyal he will be to you? Are you ready to give up security of marriage to venture into unknown..whether your kid will be taken good care of, whoever he stays with...
    Your husband must be drastically affected by the turn of events...if he does cool down and agree to work on the marriage then pls seek counselling and try to sort out the issues..
    Else it's your life and it's up to you to shape your future..
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2017
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  10. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Thanks.
    'Love is blind'. Good luck to OP
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2017
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