To Divorce Or Not To..

I fully agree with you on sexual chemistry part. Those who sorely lack sexual chemistry in their marriage alone know how lonely their life is. I know because i was in one. I agree fully when you say that one cannot teach a man to be good at sex. Two ppl either click sexually or they dont. And the reality of life is that one doesnt get too many chances of love with fireworks in life.

Sure i saw a cpl of sex therapists (perhaps eager to have me as their client) who claimed to me that they could create a spark between any 2 ppl - but veteran marriage counsellors say that they cannot do much if there was no spark to begin with.

Which brings me to the question @sruthiroopini how on earth did you fall in love with and marry a man with whom you lack attraction & chemistry ?

If you are fully prepared about the potential for heartbreak both with the new guy & ready to leave husband with no regrets - i say why not ? Your reproductive goals have sort of been met. You still have a great number of years ahead of you. Go for it and dont care too much of what the aam junta might say.

But i sincerely hope you know what you are doing. So tread carefully. @sruthiroopini

 

Yes ,sex is important.Agreed.

Each one is going to give a different answer according to their priorities.
One has to do what they want, think about their future and do the right thing not only for themselves but for their dependents too.In this case,there is a child.

OP wants to be with man 2 but kind of seeking an approval from others which should not even be there in the first case.

A decision is private and yes there will be zillion comments on that decision and one has to take the responsibilities for their actions.

OP has a safe,comfortable life,good husband/great father/grounded/humble guy and child sans sex life.

She feels man 2 offers everything and more but is that like a mirage or is it the truth?only when she tests the fire,she will know the answer.

Only two answers:

1) she can leave dh and man 2 might be a great guy.she will be very happy but the cons are her dh will be devastated so does her parents and tough for her child to accept another man as a dad.

2) Man 2 might not be who she thinks he is and she might not be able to go back and regret everything big time forever.She might then "prefer" the good guy to sex but then everything will be too late.

None can have the cake and eat it too.

 

@sruthiroopini
First of all i appeciate your honesty in this matter.
Sex is one of the important factors in a marriage. No arguments on that everybody knows that. I hope you are tired of trying everything to make him more into sex and everytime it was a failure because of his mentality. How was he in the initial days of marriage? If he was not like this before when did he change. Did u think about what stress he is undergoing. Does your husband knows about your special affection towards the other guy you mentioned here. Is that causing him stress. You never know what the real problem is. From your post i assume that he loves you dearly and he is a very nive man. People like them wont even talk about something related to your relationship with other guy.
Another important point is did u get attracted to the other guy just because your present life is not hot. Did you tell that guy about your current issue in your marriage. If yes is the answet for all the questions i would tell you to rethink n number of times before taking a decision. Men always target women who are sexually unsatisfied. They will behave nicely and everything just to impress you. And once you enter their lfe it will be enjoyable for few months or years but after that?? Do you think that he will love you?? Rethink and rethink and rethink..
My sex life has always been not satisfying at all. My husband doesnt even kiss. He just do something and all and then climax. In the first month itself i got soo irritated about it. I had and still has n number of issues with him. May be bcs f that i dont think sex life is not important at all because for me a loving husband is important. May be if i have a loving husband i would think sex life as a big issue who knows.
What i want to suggest is. Dont go for a divorce just bcs of this. What i felt is now you are just thinking about the other guy with whom you are assuming that you will have a better life. Think before you leap.
Dont you love your husband? If you get out of this life may be you will get sex but what if there is no love. Then can you go back to him again?
These are just my thoughts. Sorry if i made any offending statements.

 

Dear op , when children are in the picture you should first think as a mother ,no one else can give as much love as their own parents.These are my two cents.

 

You are old enough to make decisions and seem to have made one too.

 

Please spare a moment thinking about your child. Can he cope with the changes and accept daddy 2? Dad 2 may be the warmest and best but is your child ready for it? He's getting the required attention and affection from dad, paternal grandparents and extended family now. And everything will change for him. Is he ready for the emotional roller coaster? What do you plan to tell him incase things turn ugly? Dad 1 is bad? But he's having his best time now. Wouldn't it confuse him psychologically?

My best wishes to the little one.

 

She is 32.. If she decides 4 years later that there is no point continuing, she is losing a lot of time and her lover as well..
Are we suggesting to think of the kid because of our mindset? She has her own desires.. What if the parents are continuosly fighting(definitly, given the frustrations)? Is it a good environment for the kid?

Op, like someone said, are you looking for validation? I dont think we can give you one..unless we walk in your shoes..


One thing though, you were lonely and fell for your H's humility and personality.. 10 yrs later you are falling for sparks and attraction.. Are you sure of your decision this time? Think it through.. No point regretting later..
May you find happiness..

 

so your H has already mentioned that he has stress and needs help-what help have you offered him?have you taken him outside to spa or other places where he could relax a bit?have you considered the options of yoga or meditation to relive his stress?have you considered alternative medicine options?have you told him which places arouses you and how you need to be touched ?why have you written off your husband so easily and started exploring options outside marriage?

 

Op is smart, I don't think she's the type who regrets.... if anything, she'll just find a new one to fulfill her current needs.. maybe fame and power from guy#3