Regain Love And Respect In Marriage

Hi Somam16

Dont worry much .You are not alone .Lets spend time in sharing our feelings here and move on .

Cheers

 

Ok, you are married to a narcissist %&&*($%. I was too, until very recently. I am still married to him but he is not displaying his previous tendencies.

I will tell you what helped me, perhaps you can put to use some of those things.


First and foremost, understand that you cannot control what he calls you or what he feels about you or how he treats you. But you can control what you feel for yourself and how you can respond. We too had prolonged periods of silence. Last time was the time I was pregnant with his child. We would talk only when absolutely needed. Somewhere down the line, I started introspecting. What is it that I can do to help improve situation? What is it that I want from him? If I am so frustrated with him, surely the feelings are mutual. He would be feeling the same way about me. So, what is it that I want out of this relationship? The answer eluded me.


So, I started focussing on myself. On how I look and feel. I made myself the center of my world. My kids and husband are a big part but only a part nevertheless. My whole world is me. I started meditating (Daimoku Chant to be specific). It teaches you (not overnight…it takes months), that you need to respect yourself, not because you want approval from your husband or the world but because YOU TRULY RESPECT YOURSELF. Because the essence of the life is within YOU. Tat Tvam Asi. Superficially we all know this truth. But truly living and believing it is altogether a different story. For you to truly understand the essence, you need to spend a lot of time with yourself, introspecting. You will get there and I promise you of that. I believe in it and until you believe in yourself, I will do your side of believing too.


Now, once you get to a point where you know you are going to be OK, regardless of his behaviour, you will see that things do affect you as much as they used to before. Of course you will still have your moments but for the most part you will be OK.


Now, the third step. Make positive changes around the home. Believe that you are with him because you want to be with him. Not because of your kid. Work your way upwards from there. Perhaps you can hang pictures from the olden days where you were so high just by being with him.

Invest in looking good (like cloths/make up). Invest in your body (exercise and get fit). Clear those cow-webs in your mind. Meditate. I promise you things will turn around.


He WILL come around. Once he does, there is no looking back. Don’t let him talk to you in a condescending way. Because remember you are holy. I mean it. Its all not going to happen in a day or a month. It took 11 years to get to this stage. Give yourself time.

 

Inspiring thoughts. will help many.

 

Some people learn things in hard way. No one can teach them they have to self analyze and evaluate themselves. That the only way. You stay cool my friend and chill out!