Need advice on my Relaltionship

Hey Jasmine..

Remember only one thing....if the relationship is so bad in the begining...dont expect or get convinced that things will change in the future...NEVER.......always any relationship should start and be initiated with love and support from both sides....you have done enough to keep this relationship and might be your father is thinking that you are taking emotional decisions...

So tell your father openly that this type of relationship is like digging a grave for our own self...to top it you are not married yet to this guy...thank your good luck stars madam....

please move out from that location to a far off place ..atleast for couple of months so that you get chutkaara from this guy ...after few days of crying and whining am sure he will give up...as per his character or behaviour...so go to a place where you have friends tell them that you want to find a job there live witht hem till you get a job...and then move your parents also to taht place..

Please ensure that no one from his end or your common friends know about where you are going? or which company you are joining....tell your parents also to keep this as a secret..

please go through various posts here on IL...there are so many girls who thought things would improve and husbands begging them and crying and emotionally black mailing..but finally after marriage its a big mess to get separated...so you are in a better position ...think and take a decision...

good luck and i am glad one girl is saved from such a beast

 

Dear Jasmine,

This being my first post, you can understand how thoughtful your query was.

As everyone else has suggested here, there is no point in going forward with such relationship. You will end up cribbing for whole of your life. I do believe things can be changed with true love and compassion but as your post suggests, you never loved him, it was a compulsion that you fell for him and you are kind of involved in such situation which is unknown even to you.

Such men who give suicide warnings are nothing but coward. From my personal life’s experience, I faced such situation during my school-college days, though not to your extent, guy will not commit suicide, he just threatens you .For threatening sake, better you take police’s help, so that you will have proofs on your side. Your age suggests that even the guy would be in his 20’s. He is kind of psychic and such people do nothing in their life and ruin others’ as well. You are too young now , it has been bad that you got in such trapped situation so early.

Start ignoring him and his tantrums. In today’s world how can you tolerate physical abuse on roads and mental torture? I can understand your parents’ situation but just think one, what would they do once you marry this man and tie yourself to such relationship for life long. Society would sooner or later understand you and your concerns and if they do not, they do not deserve your attention then. Take help from someone elder in your family apart from your father, like your elder brother or someone. Take a transfer for few days but as your father’s condition is not that well. You need to be with him. So indulge yourself more into work. Ask your manager at work to pressurize you with work so that you are left with no time to think about him. With time, he will subside and find his next prey. Trust and being true is the basic ingredient to a married life. How will you nurture it such grounds?

So do consider these points and take your decision.

Hope, this helps.

Anshu
Time and Tide waits for none.

 

Dear Jasmine,
Please stay away from this guy, he is a abuser and is totally using you. You can never be happy with someone like him.Break up with him but make it slow.
Spend more time with your dad, your certifications. Tell him you are very busy and avoid him slowly. Get busy, if not pretend to be extremely busy and act soon!!!

 

Just break it off, you will find someone better....

 

hai jasmine,

Just try to get away from him in a peaceful manner and as soon as possible.Dont think about outsiders words .They are not the one in trouble and they dont understand your situation.Do what ever you feel is right.You seem to be an intelligent girl.As you have already thought of doing some courses,just go ahead with them .It would be beter for all of you to have a place change atleast temporarily ,you will forget the past more easily.Try if it is possible.
Never give your life in the hands of such emotionally weak people who has no control of their actions.Just forget him and go ahead with your life.
BEST OF LUCK.

 

Hi Jasmine,

Don't even put up with this crap anymore. The guy who abuses you physically and mentally, hurts you, insults you publicly even beore you are in a relationship, what else can you expect from his after you do get married to him? Once you are in a relationship, he will most definitely take you for granted. The only difference then will be that, no one will pay any heed to your condition They will just say that you chose to marry this guy. And you will be stuck with this guy, who is so very unstable for the rest of your life.

Buy an ipod or something and record it subtly when this guy threatens you or verbally abuses and insults you (be it in public or private). And record his phone conversations too. With all this evidence, file a police complaint. People who are not matured enough to understand words and feelings of others, and who live by threatening and abusing others, are often set right by the police! Trust me, they wont harm him in anyway. They will just warn him. And I think he needs a serious warning from a serious source.

And please don't even think, you can get married to him and change him then for better. It happens only in movies. Life is too precious to waste it on trying to change someone who most likely won't.

You are worried about what your relatives will think if you break off with this guy..just think..if this guy demeans you and abuses you tomorrow after your wedding in front of all your friends and relatives, won't you become a laughing stock then? Don't think about what others will say or think. It is your life. Others who will talk, won't come and take your place and suffer for you tomorrow. It will be you who will be suffering forever for not even any mistake on your part. You are a nice girl..read this forum..marriage (even love marriage) has enough troubles as it is even among the best of couples.

Please don't waste your life on someone like this. You deserve more than that. This is not even love. I just read somewhere a few minutes back that "Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to".

 

dear fragrant jasmine,
dont be a sacrificial lamb and a superhuman being, where he will continue to walk over you and u will keep forgiving him. u seem to be practical and someone who has principles in life. let the society talk what harm will it do to u. after all its ur life. just walk out of his life. ignore him, stop telling him about your whereabouts.change ur number etc etc. u have someone better and more sane in ur luck. dont give in to him and make ur life more miserable. its good u are seeing this face of his now and not after your marriage, god is giving u a chance. as for ur parents wish of seeing u married, it will happen when its destined.take a bold decision and walk out. god is with u. what else u need.

 

Hi Fragrant Jasmine

I really wonder as to what makes you keep thinking of him and keep asking questions here as to what you should do etc etc even after going thru so much --- and that too not being involved in a committed relationship!!!!

Whatever you have gone thru is enough for even a person in a committed relationship to walk away from becoming insane.... I cant help wonder if it is really you who is involved in this or if it is another 3rd person! nevertheless, will give the benefit of doubt to you!

So, to put it in a nutshell.... 'tell him it is 'goodbye' and ask him not to look out for you when he comes back in 4 months' time... meanwhile pick-up your life from where you left and go ahead with clear mind... there's whole life out in front of you!

All the best!