Other Kids Dont Want To Play At School

I also have the same problem.. Daily before starting to school he says "I don't want to go to school" but finally with a sad face he goes to school.. There are two girls who sit near him and when he tries to talk to either of them they just push him and so he gets upset.. He says he has got just one good friend and that too that friend is sitting very far away while the other friends are bad because they just push him in the middle of any conversation and they leave.. He feels bad and says "I have only one good friend and I have many bad friends".. He asks me" mom, why do I have more of bad friends".. I did not have any answer for that.. I have tried to convince him in many ways saying "don't bother much.. Talk only to those kids who talk with you..Be happy".. But as soon as he comes from school the same old thing is there.. I am also very confused as to what I have to do.. And how I have to tackle this.. Please let me know..

 

You can try arranging for play dates with their school friends. Need not be at your house; could be at a nearby park or some kids entertainment center (mini-golf/indoor roller skating or any other craft/doodle place - need not be expensive ones. Some activities on a weeknight could be less expensive)

Maybe you can try volunteering during any of their school group activities including recess and observe what happens and then talk to the class teacher. Even otherwise you can bring this up at Parent-Teacher conferences and ask their teacher.

 

I'd say take it with a pinch of salt. My child used to imply that other kids weren't playing with her but when I saw her in school birthday parties etc., they were all fine - running around together, jumping and hugging. Playground politics happen but my child was only talking to me about the bad bits.

Kids - regardless of colour - gravitate towards the familiar.

Best is to organise one on one play dates now and again. Show kids as parents too you all integrate. Going for school socials or hanging out after school or inviting kid and parent home helps.

I also hear eating school meals helps fit in too instead of taking indian food from home. introducing kids to art, theatre, movies and music is another step. Then the extra curricular activities give us a good platform to sit and see how the child interacts and and help them hone their skills.

Kids usually do partner work amd teachers could do the pairing up such that it lasts a week or so. Could help kids be more friendly with each other. (happening in my child's class now because 2 classes were mixed up but over the last 2 and half months of school the class kids don't intermingle so much and pine for their friends from older class)

Importantly tell your kids that it doesn't reflect upon them that someone is rude. They will find their niche.

Edit: in my child's school they work on the kids not holding grudges. "move on" is a buzz phrase. Yes. you had a tiff yesterday but that's over. Today is a new day. start it well - being nice, kind and friendly.

 

Some of the things that help in making friends is to socialize outside of school. I am not sure how big a city you live in but here are some suggestions (which came a long way in our family).


Enroll the kids in extracurricular activities. Here, hockey and skiing is pretty big. Apart from this, mine also goes to Ballet and swimming. I generally end up going 10 mins before the class starts. Normally the sessions are small (max 7 members per teacher). Those 10 mins helps her in communicating with other kids. There has to be another parent who comes in early too. I generally also invite them for playdates/ birthdays etc.


We also try and keep up with what happens currently. For example, say a baseball game is happening that is really big. We take her there as I know she likes to know what’s going on currently. That goes a long way in striking and up-keeping a conversation.


Food. What kind of food do you send to school, if you do send to school. I generally pack some sandwich/baked nuggets/ hot dogs etc. Nothing that can get messy. I don’t even send pasta-sauce that can cause a smell.


Christmas is coming. Its pretty big where I live. Though we are not Christian, we bring home a tree, exchange gifts etc (like Diwali). We bake cookies and light up the house. Kids get to take a picture with Santa. We make crafts, make snow angles in the snow, Snowman and go sledding. Basically kids will have fun and they will have something to talk about what they did after going back to school in Jan.


Think back and see why your kid is not able to adjust well. Most elementary kids don’t completely understand the concept of white/brown skin. It cant be that every kid in the class are that way. Ask probing and specific questions about what the day was like, what the other kids do etc.

Slowly implement the change.

 

I say the initiative has to come from you as a parent. You have to stay a bit after dropping the kids and talk to other parents. You have to exchange numbers / become Facebook friends with other moms and interact with them. Being friends with Indian parents alone is just not enough at all. Make friends with the others too.
You have to ask them about which activities some of the classmates are doing, and possibly put them in the same activities, so they can interact with them outside school.

Once the kids see the parents mingling, they will automatically start playing with each other.

As another poster mentioned, even if the main lunch box is different, please send a juice box/ kids yoghurt /snack which is popular among the other kids. Clothes are another important unifying factor, especially in warmer places. For instance, if a big home game is coming up, most kids wear the home team jerseys or team colors and talk about it.

One repeated complaint is that desi kids are too loud, brash, are careless with common toys/books in the class, don't know how to stand in line, or wait their turn, and don't share with other kids.

One more point: How good is the kids' English and accent? Are they easy to understand?