Sit At The Table (lean In)

Hello Everyone!

It was a scary start today. A crying sound woke me up today. Uhh..When I traced the path to the sound with caution, I didn’t really expect my scary start to transform into happy start. I found my neighbour’s 4-year old kid crying in the pavement. I just engaged myself into the friendly conversation with his mom and I got to know that this is just his routine which he does before going to school. Today it’s just still loud because there is a test in his class. Ofcourse, he accepted his defeat finally and went to school anyways. Poor kid!

But this made me recall many incidents I did during school days. Wow! Amazing days! I wish I can go back to one of those days in which my mom does everything for me and the only biggest trouble I had is school. Classes… books… studies all together really sucks. Since both my parents are teachers, I was actually expected to study well.

Somehow I managed till the last year of school. But the real headache started then. Marks are considered very important in that year particularly. So, everywhere I turn I heard the talks about studies, marks, blah, blah. I do remember the days when my mom woke me up every day at 4’O clock in the morning and expected me to actually study. On the other hand, I learnt to sleep with lights on and books at hand. See, there’s some learning, just not the learning she expected. To be frank, that’s one of the best sleep I had in my life till date.

In midst of all this trouble I had, there was a guy near my house. Oh no.. Stop your imagination. I didn’t fall in love with this guy. I fell in hate instead. We both belonged to same batch but different schools. He appeared awesomely nerdy. He never failed to talk to my mom. He was actually very polite. I didn’t actually realise that he was digging a hole for me. Uff… My mom started scolding me saying that why can’t I study like that guy. He himself offered to give me advice on exams. Already I was not impressed with my academic performance. Adding to that, he made me feel quite inferior. I just wished that earth could just open up and swallow me instead. You know the worst part? All my neighbours enjoyed comparing my academic performance with him. I just wanted to yell “Why bother so much? It’s just studies. Please concentrate on border issues instead. Or a cricket match? Uhh..”

Our exams started and I made a routine to cry after each exam stating that I didn’t write well. My dad even suspected that I might actually fail. To add fuel to the fire, the neighbour guy made his appearance without fail after each exam and conveyed that he did pretty well. Now finally the most awaited (not for me) day arrived. The results were out. OMG! I called upon all gods possible in this world to help me and somehow give me good marks. My hands were trembling when I was checking my results. Oh here it was! What? I was wondering whether there is any problem with my eye sight? The notice board always display the correct results, doesn’t it? I can’t believe the 95% which is against my exam number. Hurray.. I didn’t fail in biology.”

I came back home literally dancing and disclosed the marks to my dad. He gave me a look in disbelief. He told that he had to cross-check and went out. Now I was scared again. What if the marks in the notice board were wrong? That was a long 20 minute wait. I knew the moment my dad entered with the smile, I am safe. I got to knew that the neighbour guy got around 85%. What? How come?

Did you understand what really happened here? After all this years, there is something which struck me like a lightning bolt. I made everyone believe that I was not capable of something, which I was actually capable of. Everyone thought that I might even fail in the exam. Whereas I have secured 95% marks. I am not boasting, just trying to make a point. Women really don’t express what they are capable of, whereas men never refrain from expressing their capabilities. The neighbour guy was not boasting too. 85% was his target and he pretty well knew that he could achieve it. Since I myself made others think inferior about me, he has become superior.

This is something most women do – self-doubt. Women say these things pretty often compared to men –“That’s a good idea. But I doubt whether I can do it”, “I am not qualified to do it” and so on. We are not confident that we can take up new challenges. Sheryl gave us a strategy which we all must follow - “fake it till you feel it”. We can’t feel super-confident in one day. So why can’t we try to fake it instead? Let’s not disclose our insecurities to others. Why should others know that anyways? Let’s all start from today to fake it. I am pretty sure that eventually we will feel it.

Catch you soon with the next post. Until then – Bye! Enjoy Reading!

 

Thanks Coolgal123 and sindmani for liking the post! Keep Reading!

 

Hello rgssrinivasan

Getting a good feedback from one of my favourite writers... I am definitely not on earth. Thanks for stepping in. Keep reading !!!

 

Hello Rajeni

Thanks for your feedback. Taking self-doubt out of our system is pretty challenging. But faking appears comparatively easy. I am almost sailing on the same boat as you. Some days faking... The other days feeling...

Please keep reading and throw in your suggestions.

 

I know that sentiment.. For few years I was doing the same too.. Lol
But the worst thing is once my husband thought that I did my certification well even when I didn't do at all. So he got shocked on seeing my results that time.. But that's one odd time... All other times, it worked like a charm.

 

Thanks for your feedback! That's a good old time! I remember reading novels with atmost determination than the text books.