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What To Do When Husband Cheats You

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by gok, Oct 5, 2016.

  1. gok

    gok Silver IL'ite

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    This is a problem of my friend. As so much is going on in m life and in my head about my own personal life and i dont have a peaceful mind to think about her problem and give her a good suggestion, when she asked me for. So, thought of bringing it up here.

    My friend and her husband are married for 5 years, living in USA for last 3 years. She came on H4, but got H1 and working for a year now. They have 1 year old kid and the family life seemed to be normal except for some ups and downs here and there regarding financial issues and inlaw problems. It seems her husband started sleeping in a separate room since the birth of her child, as her mom was here for delivery. But even after her mom went, he continued sleeping in the other room, saying some reason or the other. but he has physcial relation with her once or twice a week. And after they have been to USA, it seems he used to call or get late night calls and he started going out to attend those calls. When she fought for it, he said it is about their family issues and he did not want to share. Slowly, he changed his bank passwords and his mobile password and she did not have know what is going on. SHe fought initially but later left it as he was good otherwise and he never asked her financial details. They have a joint mobile account and last month, her bill went high and she was seeing both their bill details and saw her husband called to same number on same day multiple numbers [ it was US local number and it did not cause the high amount in bill] but she got curious and searched the number in google to find out the real person through some website but it ended up in showing a **** site and this seemed to be a call girl. THen she searched his bills for last 2 months randomly and it seems atleast once or twice in a week has been calling some unknown number (new number every time) and all these number ended up resulting in a **** site. SHe did not ask him about that till now and she is so confused. he has physical relation with her once or twice a week and he goes out on week end saying he is going to his friends home for drinking and returns back late in the night. She is confused and dont want to break the relation if what she found is not true.
    1. is there a possibility that some genuine numbers result in **** site and listed over there for some reason?
    2. If yes, are there any chance he might have some STDs and any chance of she or her child being infected with the same?
    3. Should she ask him about this or not?
    4. if he ever apologizes and accepts mistake, can she ever believe him and stay with him again?
    5. If he did not accept and give some explanation, can he be trusted?
     
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  2. SeekingMind

    SeekingMind Silver IL'ite

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    One step at a time!!! And, patience and calmness is most required now. First step, your friend should immediately bring this up with her husband and have a serious conversation. Tell your friend, No fighting, shouting, name-calling him. At times like this when our mind is filled with suspicion, fear and anger, our ability to hear the other person without jumping to conclusions will be extremely difficult.
     
  3. somsar2014

    somsar2014 Silver IL'ite

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    1. is there a possibility that some genuine numbers result in **** site and listed over there for some reason?

    Chances are thin, rather non-existent . She can herself try it by calling the number from any phone. But, most probably, her doubt will come true.

    2. If yes, are there any chance he might have some STDs and any chance of she or her child being infected with the same?
    This cannot be said for sure. Talking does not bring STD. But, if they had some physical relationship, STD cannot be ruled out. But who can be sure, whether there is/was any physical relation ?

    3. Should she ask him about this or not?
    Why not ? But, care must be taken not to sound judgmental. Who can guarantee, her findings are correct ? Whether the suspect number really belongs to a call girl ? The reaction to innocent-sounding questions might open the matter.

    4. if he ever apologizes and accepts mistake, can she ever believe him and stay with him again?
    There is no final word about a man or a woman.

    5. If he did not accept and give some explanation, can he be trusted?
    Can you trust your friend anyway ? It depends on mindsets The facial expression, content of explanation , the narration etc will definitely ring a bell if the doubt truly founded.
     
  4. SeekingMind

    SeekingMind Silver IL'ite

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    YES there is a possibility. There are 'n' number of reasons with what can happen in this technological world. She can try to call that number and see for herself?

    Not all who go to prostitutes will end up with STDs. So, the chance of child infected is may or may not. Child needs to be checked up by a doctor if there is a doubt.
    But, here I would stress that the whole thing about her husband has not be proven yet. She did not even speak to her H on this. So, this question is purely imagination. Too much imagination will cloud your ability to see things clearly and hence make disastrous judgements.

    YES!! She should start a serious conversation right away.

    If she can forgive him, leave the past and move on and continue to have a peaceful relationship, then why not? It all depends on her. None of us, not even you her friend should be telling her what to do.

    Thats why I said one step at a time. First, tell her to start a conversation with him regarding this and then move to next step. Why imagine now itself that he will not accept and give some explanation??
     
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    First tell her to collect and save the proof ......then confront him.Get tests done any ways.
    Bloody Rat!
    Tell her to call the number in front of him.
     
    ivlakshmi and NeetaR like this.
  6. gok

    gok Silver IL'ite

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    I got those numbers from my friend. When we simply search for any of those numbers in google, it always ends up in that kind of site. I also searched for my number, my friends', her husbands and few people from my contact list in google and they seem to bring up only good websites that helps to track the number down. Though i did not tell my friend, I am sure he has been doing some mischief and playing a double game. Somehow, neither me nor my friend has courage to call those numbers [ not sure why we hesitate ].
     
  7. polymorphic

    polymorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, first of all, pls ask your friend to not panic. Find out the truth. What will she do if he is actually calling up such girls? Even if he calls them, it is not necessary he is sleeping with them (since some have mentioned STD). The problem I think here is more about being secretive, dishonest , etc than physical infidelity. So, I think its most important to find out to what extent he is involved. Even emotional infidelity can create trust issues in the marriage. So, its better to nip it in the bud. And if he is addicted to all this, then unfortunately, your friend has a long painful journey ahead :(
     
  8. gok

    gok Silver IL'ite

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    2 days before my friend brought about this topic to her husband when he was in a good mood. But he seemed to be angry that she traced him. though she asked him several times, he did not comment about those calls or those people whom he called and why but started talking bad about my friends' character. But it seems he has been staying out of home long hours since that and his phone calls to those kind of numbers still continued today. She does not know what to do now nor do I.
     
  9. SeekingMind

    SeekingMind Silver IL'ite

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    Looks like he is not going to open up to her. Instead of further degradation of the relationship, help her to seek a marriage counsellor. I think now its high time they seek a professional help.
     
    madras2018 likes this.
  10. dia3

    dia3 Silver IL'ite

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    Don't be so naïve that men can't go to ***** places...or he has a girlfriend on the side..who knows...if you have walked in downtown areas in western countries, u must have come across such folks...n if u wud have noticed, most look hot as hell---most here r not fat or ugly otherwise no one would want them...So some men lose interest in their sloppy looking wives after getting involved with them...they are also human beings so I don't want to use any derogatory term !...n I was told that most get tested for all STD's as they also don't wanna die.......western countries are highly advanced, give options for regular checkups for all kinds of people and have strict laws !!....anyways for ur friend, this marriage is over !!...because if my man is unfaithful even once by getting involved with any other woman, I would be out of that relation- married or not ! Ask ur friend to have some self respect n disassociate from her so called hubby because once a cheater , always a cheater !
     

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