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What To Do When Your Parents Are Greedy

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by sapnadc, Oct 6, 2016.

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  1. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    i know that law is there....and what happened to physical care of parents???Son is living with parents so in their time of sickness he and his wife must be the one who are taking care of them, and giving them company....
    if son has gone to abroad and daughter was living in same city with parents, then it would have been said that son should leave the property as daughter is one who is taking care of parents physically, even if son has spent money on parents....
    i think we have become negatively biased towards sons, if they spend money then its physical care which matters and if they are physically there then its the money which matters....
    while we, daughters are free from obligations and have learnt to use our rights only....rights comes with the responsibility....indian law makes daughters responsible for parents care too....how many people would love to talk about that??
     
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  2. dnormx01

    dnormx01 Gold IL'ite

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    OP,

    I somehow feel this is a spur of the moment emotion and vent. More importantly, you are going through a guilt trip for 2 things:

    1. You asked your husband for money and seem like not liking doing it ( reasons being single income and a pay check-to-pay check life you yourself lead in the US)

    2. Your parents keep asking you about why you are not yet working.

    Yes, more than the money part, I feel this questioning from your dad is the trigger. You yourself want to work but job search is taking time. Honestly OP, jobs are not blooming on trees. So it does take time. Relax. Keep trying and you will succeed soon. Best wishes.

    Now, coming to your parents behaviour, your mom seems to be from old school, always parroting the Son is the sole heir mantra. overtime, you have taken it to heart as well, and now this feeling of being unwanted and not cared for and a sense of demands that seems unreasonable. You would have read in so many of the posts by others here already, that even if your mom says anything, legally you are entitled, coz its ancestral property. So please don't bother much about these things.

    Clearly, you are not in good terms with your brother. Fine. What he does with his life is his problem, don't bother thinking you are better than him coz he has a small job and all. Neither does it help your ego nor otherwise. As far as taking care of your parents is concerned, you don't seem to have denied that part. You look like you are interested in providing them care when they require, else you wouldn't request your DH for money when they uttered the word 'problem'.

    Your not helping them for your sister's wedding - looks like you somewhere feel they didn't spend on yours and now they want to spend for her? So you compared yours to hers and didn't want to help. You yourself wanted a simple wedding in the first place and in laws have clearly spent for their own happiness. Whether that part should have been paid for by your parents, guess no. There are no set rules for a wedding that bride's parents only will have to spend for such and such a thing etc. Come out of the narrow thinking. your in laws spent and they are happy, forget it. Even otherwise, you haven't supported your parents for your sister's too. So now no animosity here.

    Finally OP, please don't blame someone for your own guilt trips. We all do this. It's okay. But i guess it's important for you to move on now. Look for improving on your work front, concentrate on teaching your kids to be better people and more importantly stop these negative feelings. It will hurt your self-esteem and confidence which will cause bigger damage in the long run for yourself. if you feel someone is behaving unreasonably with you, limit your communication. Give them time. Give yourself time. Time does heal things.

    Best wishes.

    PS: I may be totally wrong but all the above is purely my hunch reading your post. Apologies if I am totally off track :p
     
  3. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    people should have kids so that they can raise them in a decent human being, not for giving them material wealth and ancestral property....its really very selfish expectation....after parents raise their kids into grown up independent adult, its their choice what they do with their property....
    in case of ancestral property too, children should have decency for their parents departure, unless children are in dire need...
     
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  4. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    Everyone has different financial status, what you can afford to do can not be done by others do you think what you are doing should be the standard for the whole world ?
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2016
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  5. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    That's the whole point if you have the right heart then everything you do will be good, if you put up a show that you have a right heart and don't show it in action then it will eventually show up.
     
  6. polymorphic

    polymorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    If this was done by a MIL, MIL would be called manipulative and greedy and it would be a statement. Now that it is done by parents she should not even question whether its right.

    OP - Its a lesson for you to not offer money next time so easily. After all they are your parents you can tell them clearly that you would like to offer help for genuine issues like medical expense or maybe a trip for parents. But buying jewelry when having financial problems does sound a bit strange and immature. looks like they have misplaced priorities.
     
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  7. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    This is a totally new concept to me i thought anyone can die anytime in this world. Maybe you have the power to make the older people die first and the younger people die when they get old.
     
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  8. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    i have yet to see that a MIL asking for a piece of jewelry once, and it was not given to her, still DIL calling her greedy....leave alone son calling his mother greedy...MIL demands much more than this, her son fulfill everything blindly, she treat the dil bad, create problem in dil's marriage, if than DIL calls her MIL manipulative and greedy than it stands justified, still son never calls his mother greedy...
    comparing MIL cases where demands are outrageous with this one looks like an excuse to justify selfishness...
     
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  9. aamrapali

    aamrapali Gold IL'ite

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    Matrudevo bhava, Pitrudevo bhava. but no one has said Husband devo bhava.
    What -- you ask your parents to sell their ancestral property. Is that your ignorance or your greediness.

    Begs to question who is the ignorant one here. Socially conditioned beliefs can wreak havoc for those unfortunate few who deal with outliers. Please buy yourself a newspaper and expose yourself to the horrors of the world that defy all of our belief systems that we are brought up and conditioned to follow.

    Some posts truly deserve a dislike button - this is one of them.
     
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  10. StrongLady

    StrongLady Silver IL'ite

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    That is Insensitive. agree with Ssg.
    Yea true that it shud be useful for next generation. So the elders expect next generation to make it double or earn more but not to sell and eat the money for expenses.
    QUOTE="Minion, post: 3892345, member: 305411"]Material wealth in this world is accumulated so that it can be useful for you and your next generation, if material wealth is important then the person should not have kids, they can bury their body in their own land and build a temple over it so that they can own it forever and can be happy in the present life and life after death.[/QUOTE]
     
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