I Am Tired Of This Marriage

Thanks ladies for your wodnerful comments!

I was thinking about all the things you said before i could reply.

Do i love my husband? - I do, because we infact fell in love and got married. but that said, lately it is the stress of day to day life that is causing the rift.

i agree with many who mentioned that communication is the issue. While i do communicate, i over communicate which dilutes the covnersation and i miss the point. and since i am very anxious and impatient, i tend to just talk all that is going on in my mind and i miss to make a point and infact end up hurting him in some ways. so i come across as the badd guy even though i fully know that i am infact right. Also i enevr get the timing right because i am always in a hurry to get my point across because of which i utter everything rightaway.

I am very well educated girl with a masters degree from US and am in a good position. I do well at work and i am the opposite at work. I am more controlled in what i talk but in places where i am emotionally invested i seem to be doing this mistake and i am not sure what to do about it.

My husband is very very self centered and selfish. he went to an invy league school and earns more than i do. and so assumes that he is working more at work than i do and so when he comes home he expects me to cut him some slack and infact put him in a pedestal for the great things he is doing at work.

But to me money is secondary, time with him and my son is important and so i cannot get myself to appreciate him for his career goals and achievements even though i have appreciated him in the past when teh goals did not affect my family life.

that is what bothers me. I enoyed my time with him and he doesnt seem to care and takes lot of pleasuer in career.
he says it is a man thing. I love to work too and have turned down many offers which are high paying becuase i want quality time with family. when i tell that to him he says "i didnt ask you tuen it down" and accooridng to him we could have managed by having a nanny.
So do you see here, we have basically misalinged priorites in life. he wants to earn money for our family and wants me to have a luxiours life but i want his time and middle class life.

he thinks it is a man thing and i am standing in the way and doesnt support him.
his parents are useless in this regard. while they see it they support his attitude. they like all in laws thinks it is ok for me to give up but not for him.

becuase he works long hours, he is tired, he expects things to work around his schedule, everyone to behave his way.
the bigger problem is he doesnt say it out openly atleast then i can point out, he whines and expresses his frustration in a different way so even if i confront him he says " i never compalained and am great father and husband".
he thinks he is a martyr, which frustrates me.

you can see that we are not in "divorce" stage but people who are commited but are unable to be on the same page.
maybe counselling will help.

i understand second child can wait but my son is very lonely and i want him to have company. i also want to be too busy that i dont care about what my hsband does. this time i am just going to hire help and get things done rather than having aprents over which only adds to the stress.

he and i both want to have two kids. we are in the same page for that and we both want the same thing. I am sure the stress is not coming from there.

it is his obsession with career and wanting to make more money like his peers that is taking him away from me.

 

thanks ladies!

I know that i didnt get too much into details regarding second child. It is my dream to have three kids...i always wanted that...it makes me happy. and so i am going for another kid but this time unlike alst time i am going to maek plans to handle this with a lot of help and not expect my husband to chip in and be the super dad he claims to be or even want to be.

few things that occured to me as i was reading your posts are there:

--- i need to communicate better without it sounding nagging or vomit of words.
---I need to live my life wihtout depending on my husband for happiness. i need to first accept that this is not going to be an ideal ,marriage that i thought it would be and adjust my expectations.
-- i need to find myself.
-- i love him i do...becuase he doesnt even have any best friends...he only depends on me. while he is self centered, he depend on me being there for him in a vulnerable way ..maybe not the role i wanted to play in this marriage but i know that he does it becuase he cgives me too much importance.

let me think about it...sleep on it.
it is constant improvement...and you have no idea how much you ladies have helped me.

I will keep you all posted on the progress.
When i feel alone, universe sends me souls like you to help me through the journey...it is amazing and i am very grateful.