Major Dowry Drama...should Wedding Be Called Off?

Also these days no one is taking about giving money to daughters as dowry. It is all land flats and jewellery. And transferring these to girl's name is at the discretion of parents. They may or may not transfer them to daughters.

 

Girls like these enable greedy pigs as in laws. If my parents had to be spend more than necessary for me, I will carry that guilt forever.No wonder MIL's of well educated men demand and extract.Educated girls fulfilling such demands shows how they value themselves. A cash commodity for in laws.

 

Dowry in Indian society has many shades and color, 3/4 of women themselves speak for that, in one way or other. It is just laughable to beat up men and their parents alone for this menace. The ongoing trend is girls demanding from their parents on what and how much they need while getting married. People already have learned to fool the law, nobody will use the word dowry. Law itself is not uniform I guess, Shreedhan is legal according to Hindu Marriage Act, so many things are wrapped under that.

Could not agree with this, there are many cases where the daughters filed cases in the court of law and got their due as per inheritance law (though they got dowry as well, that is different matter). The will and inheritance must be popularized to counter dowry, no other practical solution I suppose.

 

No brothers are not waiting. if you see the OPs case here itself, there are umpteen number of posts asking her to discuss his inheritance. So agreement happens on both the sides.

Coming to the law, there were a lot of dowry related deaths and suffering that women went through earlier. So this landmark law was introduced by NTR in the late 80s, early 90s. It is a landmark, coz it came about as a revolution and he was affectionately called 'annagaru' by the womenfolk. It aimed more at empowering the girl, safeguarding whatever was given to her from the in laws, so they don't prey and torture her. More at giving the girl financial backing incase the whole world came against her just because she tried to speak up against abuse. it was so popular that soon many state governments introduced the law. Did it help? Maybe a little coz this over smart society has assumed it be in lieu of dowry and discuss things under the cover of this law during the wedding. But the saving grace, they don't kill anymore coz they know she holds the property.

And legally again, whether daughter, son or spouse, everyone is allowed only a share in a person's property and that too when the person is wilfully sharing it with them. Wonder why the parents are so desperate to go bankrupt and get the girl married off!? And like one of the posters mentioned, the correct way is to keep whatever you want for yourself and share things you can afford to share.

The Difference between dacoits and daughters is dacoits are never guilty. The daughters for one, suffer from guilt all their life for having taken something from their ageing parents. Second is, comparison to every other co-sil,sil etc who might have gotten an ounce more than her and so she is looked down by the in laws. Finally, this society calling her a pig, greedy and what not coz she is unable to sustain herself. Neither has she asked for a pie, nor has she benefitted from it. Thats the saddest part.

There are 2 cases in my know. In the first one, brother is a GC holder, well settled in the US. Dad is a pensioner leading a comfortable life. Girl was given around 10% of their whole property in a village at the time of her wedding. In laws unhappy, husband not supportive.She herself was not a bright student and found it difficult to get through interviews and get job for herself though she longed for one. Couple of years ago, to her luck, the land fell in the Capital region of the new capital and and prices shot up 5 times. She took the chance, sold off the land, saved a part on the kids names and used the rest to set up her own boutique and create an identity for herself. Now, the brother and dad are blackmailing her in all ways possible to transfer the business to them. Can't they see that she's suffered enough and has fought all odds to reach here? And this was something they had wilfully pledged to her just a few years back right?

In the second case, 3 brothers well settled in different parts of the world, mom and daughter. Father is no more. Property divided. mom owns just the house. girl is a SAHM. Mom falls ill and money required to treat her. Brothers solution: sell the house and pay for it. What the girl did: she said no, that's the only roof left for my mom and sold her own share, got mom treated. Is she not to be called daughter now?

We live in a society where breaking laws seems heroic and smartness. It is not. And secondly talking about any kind of laws is considered a taboo. why can't we explain all the rights the girls have to them in a high school civics class? just like we give them sex education at the science class? Why is it that one has to start understanding options only when they are getting abused and on the verge of a divorce? We should be taught our rights and how to put them to the right use. This holds good for either gender however.

Sorry for the long post.

 

I think, the LW should find another person to share her life. If the guy, supposedly in love, is not able to stand-by you now, what makes you think he will support you after marriage. He is going to take you more for granted. If you feel strongly about dowry, then you should let this person go.

 

Asking gift's is dowry in disguise, even if the your BF family expects anything, it should be a good wedding from your family, other than that demanding anything is not the practice of a good family. Even if their demands are met, what is the guarantee that they will not keep expecting more even after your wedding, you can never please a greed person. And your BF's silence is not a good sign, his attitude shows he feels superior and in this day if he thinks this is the norm, then I wonder what he will be like after he weds you.

I have a son too, well placed in a job, soft spoken and has great respect for elders and women in general, and we are of middle class, our only expectation is a good girl, who is compatible to my son's temperament, education and gives respect to elders and is a good cultured girl.

Any girl coming into the family should be welcome with open mind and respect as she is future of the family and the next generation.

I really wonder about your situation, but you would be the best person to decide, think over it, and speak to your family and elders, voice your concern, and also I would advice you to evaluate your BF's behaviour and his opinion of "GIFT's", which I think is not very appealing, this opinion of his itself is not a very pleasing trait of him, hope his other opinions, as not similar.

All the best to you dear........

 

Not quite correct. daughters by default are now entitled to equal share to parental property if the parent has not left a will. It's the son who has to run from pillar to post if he wants to claim sole right.

 

Witnessing a major property issue with my friend. From Andhra.. dad offered her her share (as was the custom in their family )when she was getting married .She refused and so did her hubby ...didnt want anything to do with dowry. Idealists . Now after her dads death the brothers have essentially cheated her out of her share. We are not talking peanuts ..these are lands worth crores today. They live in India and she is here ...very hard to fight property battles. Mom basically says I told u ..take ur dowry when u got married when ur dad was alive this could have been avoided.
I wouldnt be so harsh in judging some women who do bring property /money into their marriage.

To OP..he is not in love. Money(call it by any name) would never have factored in if that were the case. For him its a matter of convenience. Nothing unusual or uncommon. Just be aware of what u are getting into.