Why Not Adoption Rather Than Infertility Treatments?

Discussion in 'Fertility & Trying to Conceive' started by pihu123, May 18, 2016.

  1. Cool10

    Cool10 Silver IL'ite

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    I thought about adoption in my struggle to carry a child after my miscarriage. But nowadays its not easy to get a child through adoption and the process may take years. Also the relatives (from husband's side) want their bloodline and name to be carried & may not be open to adoption.

    Also its a wonderful experience to carry your child inside your womb and to be able to feel them from the moment they come into this world.
     
  2. pihu123

    pihu123 Silver IL'ite

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    Hello Everyone,
    Thanks for pouring all your valuable comments here.Actually i checked all your messages little late.I wrote that post not concerning that i am not interested to go for artificial treatment rather go for adoption.I do know that there are several families in our society those who don't accept adopted kids easily.Thanks vasumathy for shifting my post .I wrote that post concerning those people those who try, try and try to conceive hard..Undergo several infertility treatments even if they dont have any fault in them nor with their husbands but still due to some reasons they cant conceive..Secondly to conceive, people undergo several procedure these days which we call infertility treatments , eat so so many medicines which sometimes do have side effects and throw so so much of money after doctors and still we cant conceive..I am too trying to conceive and undergoing so so much of pain..I know those people who conceive in only one attempt will think all these things very silly but for us those who cant conceive easily its very difficult..So i wrote on that post that its better to go for adoption rather than undergoing painful infertility treatments..I know that every woman wants to enjoy 9 months of pregnancy...Wants to see and feel all the body changes within herself ..but have anyone ever thought that after undergoing so so much of pain and throwing so so much of money after infertility doctors , if still we don't conceive then what must be happening to those families..Sometimes many families are not financially strong but still they undergo so so many test and procedure to conceive..I respect those kind of families..I know these days adoption has become a very lengthy process but don't you all think after going so much of pain we should at least think of adopting a kid, feed him/her,give proper education..If we want to bring some changes, we need to first start from us..then think of others....
    Many ladies took my post in some wrong direction which i actually didn't like..I respect many ladies those who have undergone several treatments and conceive...
     
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  3. teejay

    teejay Gold IL'ite

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    @pihu123
    We(I) do get your point. If some one gets fed up of the ttc journey and wants to think of adoption, good for her (and him). If you feel like adoption is right for you and want to proceed in that direction, I would say 3 cheers to you sister. If anyone going thru the TTC forums wonder why the women do not just give up and adopt instead, I hope this thread gives them some perspective. The point is 'lets not judge'. If some one after just the initial round of treatments want to adopt, good for them. On the other hand if women even after multiple IVF failures still want to proceed with the treatments instead of adopting, that is fine too. We are not in their shoes, haven't walked their journey. So my "Respect" to all of them for making different choices in life
     
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  4. Sandhya13

    Sandhya13 Gold IL'ite

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    I stumbled upon this discussion from the latest replies list.

    Some random thoughts..

    Everyone in this world would love to see their own biological child. This is the very inherent desire of all species. I personally feel that it is rude to suggest others (esp who have trouble conceiving naturally) to adopt. If they could (/would), it will happen. Nobody is ignorant of such an option being available in this world.

    Moreover, I often wonder why adoption is prescribed only to those couple who have trouble in making their own child? Why shouldn't people who easily get their first biological child not adopt their second one? After all, giving loads of love, care and a bright future to a child (who might otherwise miss these) by bringing her/him home, is such a compassionate and fulfilling act.

    Adoption should be done for the right reasons i.e. IMHO to experience the bliss of parenthood.. Of course only after carefully evaluating the other practical difficulties..

    P.S: My intent is not to hurt anyone. I hope and pray that everyone who'd love to have a child be blessed with one (either biological or adopted whichever is God's will) and find loads of love and happiness in parenthood!
     
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  5. Agony

    Agony Gold IL'ite

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    @pihu123

    Ur initial post appeared like u were questioning the choice of couples who opt for fertility treatment.
    And probably that's why the strong responses.
    But after reading ur recent post, I understand u were just suggesting the option of adoption.

    I agree with @teejay , it's absolutely the choice / decision of the couple how far they wish to go to have their child.

    There r ladies I know who hang in there for years together and even after multiple failures still try harder.
    No doubt adoption is a noble but a difficult decision.
    If u got the emotional,mental, financial strength to go as far as it takes, what's the harm ?
     
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  6. divyarnair

    divyarnair Silver IL'ite

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    I have lot of friends and family who have adopted kids , but not before going through the rough road of infertility treatments. Whoever can afford treatments will always try for a biological child before adoption .But those who do it out of compassion and humanitarian feelings are really great people .
     
  7. nekkanti

    nekkanti Bronze IL'ite

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    For god sake, leave the decision to people's choice
     
  8. somsar2014

    somsar2014 Silver IL'ite

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    I read posts of all the ladies here, including the questioner , and found, all those carrying sure messages with conviction. Saluting all the posts equally, I express my deep appreciation for every word , and put forward few words of mine.

    I got my son somewhat belatedly ( four years after marriage) . After one and half year, my wife became the talking point of her circle for not having a kid. In my office, my colleagues , both male and female cut jokes, that we had planned kids after making his/her future sure. A man can withstand the such things with equanimity, but as child-birth is a physical exercise for the mother and visibility of success is so obvious , that the satirical, jeering attack on the women, trying to be mothers become unbearable. The arrival of a child is a heavenly matter and a matter of pleasure and happiness of the parents. But it seems neighbours and relatives are having more of the concerns. In such cases, adoption of child does not lessen or reduce the derisive comments or taunting . Hence, I do not agree with the suggestion in the opening poster that adoption is answer to infertility. A planned adoption is certainly a noble act, but never equals the pleasure of having child of own blood, own creation.

    If I have enough money, I can certainly donate a sizable part of that to homes for the orphan. But on such a sensitive issue, the matter cannot be solved by such geometric suggestion. Sorry I disagree with the post accordingly.
     
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2016
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  9. Bbgy

    Bbgy Senior IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Was going through all the posts on this topic and this is a very personal issue for everyone, on which only the person involved can make a decision. The novel 'House for Happy Mothers' by Amulya Malladi expresses the emotions of a woman trying to conceive quite well, the desire to try and have one's own child before giving in to alternate options. I just wish the pressure on women to conceive could be reduced a little so at least they could try with peace. And for those who are looking at adopting, they are under an equal amount of pressure for acceptance for their child so wish that could be reduced by the society a little, too. Best wishes to all...

    -------------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 22, 2016

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