Does My Husband Really Love Me

I think I did not frame my question properly. It is clear from your earlier posts that your MIL is trying to be everything in your house. My question was how skilled is your MIL in general on money matters. That is, is she good in managing her own money, taking care of household issues? Or does she squander her own money and needs someone else to manage things for her?

 

When unexpected circumstances happens,one does what one needs to do...but if someone has responsibilities above the normal expected ones before marriage,then the future spouse(irrespective of gender) needs to be told about those so that the future partner can make an informed choice.

 

And how good is she?

 

OP, as I see there is nothing wrong in your life right now. I know why you are cribbing. Because you have not seen families with worse problems. You can't have the cake and eat it too. If he is helping his family don't worry, at least he is spending funds on people who depend on him. It is not like his sister is married and yet he is spending on her. Even if he does, it is okay as long as she is not troubling you. Don't you think it is better than giving loans to some friends or investing somewhere where the returns are not guaranteed or even blowing it up somewhere. At least some good is coming out of it. It is not like he is giving money to his extended family and then totally ignoring you. Being so selfish will not bring you anything. I am not saying you go out of your way and disclose everything to him, but expecting him to be forthright when you are closed at your end is not good. Don't worry and just carry on with your life. Even your MIL shouting or having temper is something you can deal with as long as she is not abusive or inciting your husband to abuse you. Be supporting as much as you can and tone down your expectations. You will be happier that way.

 

You seem to have a fairly supportive husband. He is ok with you retaining control of your finances, and he may not publicly support or defend you in front of his mother, but between the two of you, he is on your side. Agree with some comments here about the money; financial independence means you retaining control of your salary and account without sharing it but it would only be fair for both of you to share household expenses. But looks like you have an arrangement going where you save for the future and he takes care of the present. So all good as long as you both have a mutual understanding.

As for your MIL, clearly the issue is insecurity and ego. Hope you can work on not taking it personally. As long as your husband understands that you are not responsible for any of her anger, you should be good, right? It is surely painful to not have the approval/affection of your MIL, but there may not be much you can do about changing her. She has to realize your worth on her own. You just do what you have to and stay positive

-----------------------------------------------

 

I understand what you meant. I have similar issues too. And I know from what you have described, you are not in such a bad position. I don't have any anger or hidden resentment, it was just that I think you will make the situation worse by thinking too much about this. I used to share some of the expenses but still there was a comment about me not contributing much. The truth is whatever money I gave, I gave voluntarily not when I was asked. It is for all the costliest items in the household along with some substantial amount, yet I was accused of having contributed nothing. I don't mind contributing more, but the accusation hurt me and also certain things have happened that made me withdraw. Looking at the past, I feel, the more we women withdraw, the more the problems. If we feel we are getting exploited, we can't do much really. But I can tell from what you have described, the situation is manageable because he is not abusing you or doing any such thing. So be happy.