Adjustments - Share of a woman alone?

Hi,

Adjustments - May sound hard but the results are sweet. Adjustments are part and parcel of life, without which nothing can go smoothly irrespective of gender.By adjustments i dont mean adjusting and keep our mouth shut when a robbery happens, but i mean staying cool and obeying when we are asked to face a new family and a new environment. We the ladies have not signed any agreement to adjust for everything still we have been kept in a respective position of being capable enough to adjust and manage things perfectly rather than the rest.Dont ever have a mind set that we are adjusting which very sooner will lead to some outburst of our feelings, instead take it in a manner as though you are handling kids everywhere and you move along with them according to their interest and well being as a "Mother". A clay which doesnt agrees to get burnt or moulded in the hands of a potter will always be an useless mud and not a beautiful and purposeful pot. A bamboo which never bends or tunes up while burning will always be an useless tree branch and never a flute with beautiful notes from a musician.After all we do it for our family and our people, so we should feel happy and proud to do it.

 

Hi Cindhu,

Nice thoughts yaar.... , Makes sense too..... Kudos to u... for highlighting such simple and meaningful quotes.

In my opinion, Everyone on this Planet does some kind of Adjustments to survive, its just that we Priortise and give more weightage to our way of thinking... so i would say when we look from others point of view & accept it ....half the trouble would be bygone....

Cheers
vaidehi

 

Hi vaidehi,

thanks for your comments. I too agree with your statement "i would say when we look from others point of view & accept it ....half the trouble would be bygone...."...Keep posting.

 

Hi All,

Even I have this dilemma... where to draw the line... of adjusting...

 

Hi,
yes adjustment seems to be our middle name most of the time.......
....need to adjust to husband and do what he likes....
....need to adjust to in-laws and not hurt their feelings....
...and as children are born...need to adjust our time....in case we work...
..then when chidren are grown..need to adjust to their needs too...well,all this frustration happens if we take it it the negative attitude....

taking all this positively will give u a good feeling...afterall u are doing all this for ur own family whom u will spend ur whole life with.it is just worth it in the end.
don't think like u are sacrificing all the time.
sometimes it is better not to think about all this too much...think what is best for the family and be happy.

cheers

 

I agree with you completely "Stillagirl". Adjustment seems to be a woman's cup of tea. For that matter, even my mom advises me to adjust with everything thats going around.

1. My hubby and his nature of leaving me alone and spending time with his friends. I have to adjust with it.
2. Hubby watching TV late till 12:00am.I cant utter a word against it, eventhough I have to wake up early every morning and cook and then go to the office.
3.Always provide him food that he relishes. I have to adjust my taste.
4.Adjust my dinner timings with his office hours (late coming from office). After he is back @9:30pm, he would watch TV for 1 hour and then go for bath and then dinner. So, thats approx. at 11:00pm
5.Adjust to the naggings of my in-laws over the phone to spoil our weekend mood completely.
6.Adjust with my hubby's mood. If he does not feel like going out in the weekend, however, I feel like unwinding myself, again adjust.
7. So.... the list is endless.

If you dont adjust, then you have to get yelled at and you get the adjectives as being a bossy wife, selfish and uncultured DIL. Your gene is cursed etc... etc....

So, where does one draw the line, honestly????

 

According to me what you do of your own free will to maintain peace and harmony at home is not adjustment...but what you do forcibly coz someone else wants it in that way is adjustment.

There is a very thin line here.

But when things get out of control and if what you are doing is not appreciated then slowly you need to retreat into your shell and once in a while make exceptions of doing what you want and not what others want. But don't do it in a rebellious mannner. Do it casually.

As N has mentioned, cooking what hubby relishes...you don't have to do so always...once a week can be your day.

Also, if your hubby is coming home late coz of long working hrs...then you can't crib about it....but yes if he is coming late just to retaliate then you can ofcourse leave the food on the table and retire for the day. Start doing it once in a while. or if you are not well...you don't have to force yourself to do something that will aggravate your illness.

Remember that being meek is one thing and letting water go over your head is different...we are only responsible for this.

 

Hi, roopadadia

You know what I have tried what you said. Once I wasn't feeling well, so I kept the food on the table and retired to my bed. Guess what the result was???

My hubby was so engrossed into the TV that he forgot to take the curry. He only had rice with dal. He even forgot to keep the curry in the fridge which was lying for him on the table and eventually that got spoiled by the next morning. (We are in ME, so the weather is extremely hot and sultry). The unclean plates were left on table with left overs which dried up and sticked on to the plate and on the table by next morning.

It was a pure mess and I cursed myself for going to bed early. Since then I dont try this method as it adds upto extra load on me on the next day.

Also,my hubby does not eat any fish,chicken and any vegetable. If I say any vegetable, I mean all including leafy veggies too. The 3 things that he likes to eat are toor dal,egg and papad. The curry that he liked today, will not be liked by him tomorrow and above all wastage of food. I hate wastage of food to the core coz it bothers me when I see people around us fighting so much for 1 meal a day.

And a day of my choice of food??? Next to impossible. We are only 2 members and he will not eat anything apart from what I mentioned. So, I have to cook differently twice for 2 members of the house. How exhaustive that would be???

So, I dropped the thought completely and as I mentioned in the earlier post, yes it is again an ADJUSTMENT.

But yes, I would say that I will implement the changes of keeping his food on the table if he is getting late. I had it with all these and sick and tired of words like ADJUSTMENT, IGNORE, PATIENCE etc....bonk