Weird Insecurity

Hello Everyone,

Hope you all having a great summer. On my previous post about MY SIL got responses in which some were suggesting me not to think too much. Also some people had find no fault in SIL. I am not thinking too much and this is not even a big problem. Probably i gave thought about this only few hrs this afternoon and want to get your suggestions. My SIL behavior is very weird to me so i get confused what to do.
Weird because she made her kids stop talking to me.
In last few trips my SIL teenage kids were getting close to me and she was not comfortable like she has openly scolded kids for coming out with me for 2 min.Her husband would talk to me and she will take him away to basement.
They stay in different city,6 months back kids created a whatsapp group with both of our families.Her husband and kids were very active in group. then i forwarded jokes from other friends groups.They would immediately respond to me and lot of fun talking. My SIL doesnt have a single friend and never put anything funny in whatsapp.
Her posts were the scan of the appreciation card she got from her boss, her plants at home.except a thumbsup no one responded much to her.

Then one of her kid started giving me one on one messages and doesnt talk in group. Another kid also send one on one Nice Profile pic message.Few times i asked something in group and kids dint respond.
It was confirmed that they have some restriction from their mother. I got angry on the kids.If they are scared of their mom should completely stop talking to me but why give me messages one on one. I realized they trying to maintain contact secretly which i dont want to. I was being nice to them infront of all. Why would i want to maintain a contact secretely with her kids.
I did ask kid of not responding in group and they made excuse that they missed seeing it. It happened few times not once.

one day in whatsapp group my SIL shared happily that her husband and kids gave surprise party, I responded " nice pics thats good".
my husband expressed guilty that he never gave surprise to me. should plan one.for that SIL response was, 10 big messages to my husband that you dont need to give surprise coz you were never used to give as our family never did one, our dad never did surprises.she also never gave any surprise.
Then tells me not to expect coz "most of men are like that" but since her kids are teenage and her husband is used to giving surprise they gave her.
It was clearly sounding like she can get surprises for what ever reasons she deserves but i shouldnt expect and more clearly telling " my husband not to plan one for me LOL"

Husband and myself didnt even respond to her messages. her hubby and kids responded supporting her saying "thats right".

I told husband again his sister is trying to poison his mind which i dont like. Told i will exit group coz dont want all this mess.
my husband gave a expression like he has no clue and diverted topic. He then said, no dont exit from group. But i did exit and feeling so much peace of mind.Her kids sent messages one on one again asking why i have exited. I didnt even respond.

Then after week SIL calls me for no reason to masca. she called once again when i was sick. she invited us to come her house.

I am not sure how to behave when i go

- Talk less with all of them, SIL, SIL HUBBY, KIDS.(This will be tough to sit quietly 1 week. Husband also get angry am not talking)

- Talk less with KIDS,SIL hubby and normally with SIL(Coz am angry on kids for not responding in group and sending me one on one messages, let SIL see her hubby, kids getting insulted by me which she wished. but will hubby kids think am scared of SIL and stopped talking to them)

- Talk less with SIL( like before) and normally with kids, SIL hubby?.
(It is like fun to talk to them and enjoy instead of hearing self boasting of SIL)

 

so when i go her house, i should keep talking to other people and think about other people?.

 

what ever you said below is very good. But did not completely answer my main question.

my question was how to behave when i visit her house, so out of we 9 ppl in our get together, my husband and kid are one who loves me and rest of the people( SIL and family) are doing a drama there.
so thinking how should i act based on my husband and kids.? may be just keep myself busy playing with my own kids. good one.
But my SIL will be taking my name and start her nonsense, i should probably give smile and ignore.

 

@ SGBV,
Completely completely untrue. you saying i dont have my own characteristics,she is director of drama or my life, i do as per her etc.
i am not following but opposing. all this drama is that i dont follow her.
I oppose her way of thinking. My husband also started telling lies to them about some of the things i want to do now, like we order pizza at home in case SIL calls that time husband tells lies to her we had home food. I took 2 weeks break from job, husband didnt tell SIL when she called home, I went India 2 weeks that my mom was sick and he didnt tell his parents of SIL and told me to go secretly.
I wonder what they might be telling him.

Gods grace i stood strong and even a peace of me cannot think like her.
The way you said about my entire personality is very big and i should tell you my story in short and the hidden agenda of my inlaws and SIL herself trying to influence me.
hidden agenda is simple, serve your husband inlaws. she will serve her husband inlaws. But take helps from parents , brother.
- you can neglect even your kids staying 10 pm at work but job is imp
- you should neglect your parents completely, call them once in month.
- you should cook only home food as my inlaws entire khandaan dont like outside food.
- give all money to husband, inlaws.
- your parents get sick, dont care concentrate on your job, housework. your brother should take care.
- inlaws sick, yes your responsibility to take care. SIL can relax.
- when i need help, parents should immediately come to help.
so she is constantly trying to keep telling me how hard work she doing, same i should do and take helps from parents.

however i liked your responses about whats app group etc. being normal is what am trying to define here. I am bit talkative person so end up always talking more so was confused what to do.