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Sil Pushing Her Expenses On Her

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Iamagoodgirl, May 23, 2016.

  1. katta123

    katta123 New IL'ite

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    everything about the little girl and the SIL is common. I really do not understand, how any parent who has some self respect lets their child ask anything from someone else. But i have seen many SILs do that. People have an impression that if you do not have a child, you have leftover money, which is going waste, and can easily accommodate SIL's BIL's wish list, and we indeed become a personal bank or ATM.

    But apart from that, please do not postpone having a pregnancy, life should move on. There is never a perfect time to have a baby, something or other will come up. If you have your own child your husband will not give so much attention to his niece . she will still be special, but not more than his daughter or son. My sincere advice will be, Forget everything, and plan for the first baby. Post age thirty there are some other issues with health will pop up. This is from my personal experience. I wish you all the luck in the world.
     
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  2. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    you evil evil, :banana::banana:
     
  3. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    excellent advice. Thats why i like this place so much.
    I like revenge ideas so much lol.
     
  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    OP

    Sorry for being blunt. But I am sure my response will somehow helpful.

    Please treat the 5 yr old as a child. It is fairly common among little kids to be manipulative, selfish and also telling lies.
    In fact, I was wondering whether small kids can tell lies at all? But after being a mom of 2, and a second mom of another 3 kids (niece and nephews), I know so much about kids of these days.

    My sister's elder one came to my place to spend her vacation this time. She is just 4. But as you said, she too had a list of items. They were like Santa's wish list. She couldn't have written it without the help of an adult for sure. But that was her wish list anyway.
    She planned to spend a week with us. We all thought she might cry in between, so we planned to take a day -off anytime to drop her back at sister's place. But she was so cool here. She refused to go back, and cut it off when we talked/reminded her about her parents.
    Somehow we forced her to return, as her School was about to start the next day.
    But the moment she met her mom (and grandma), she hugged her and acted as if she didn't care our presence there.
    It was so shocking though. We did talk about this for a day or two with family members in a joking way. But we know it is called childish nature. So, no grudge against this kid or her mom. But we will surely remind all this when she is big.

    Having said that, we too gave our niece a lot of gifts. Nothing from her wish list though. We took her to the park, ice-cream parlor, tied a swing at home for her to play, bought crayons and papers to draw and so much fun stuff that a 4 year old would really love.
    She liked them all, and packed every little things that she enjoyed here to home.
    They were not much expensive.

    A piano and a frock was in her list though. We have decided to buy them both as a gift to her upcoming birthday. That's a surprise.

    A kid's bonding with her mama is very special in our country. My kids love their mama as equal to us.
    Their mama is their hero and what not.
    Gladly they are blessed with a maami, who admires and cherish this bonding. So, there is no misunderstanding yet.
    I am reasonably rich, and I can afford to buy so many gifts to my kids. They do receive gifts from many people. But they always have a special bond with the gifts that their mama gave.
    They will be supper happy if they go to mama's house. They take so much privilege to enjoy there.
    In response to this, I always ensure I treat my brother's daughter in a special way as much as I can.

    OP, your husband's bond with his little niece is nothing wrong. The little niece's wish list is also not a surprise.
    But you are not forced to buy them all for her. Don't over analyze this.
    You can satisfy a little girl with just 50 Rs of toy over an expensive ipad.

    Now, your problem is....
    - Don't post pone family planning for financial reasons. Let that happen naturally
    If you postpone the most fundamentals of family life, that too when you feel your biological clock is ticking, most likely you will feel stressed about it.
    That stress will eventually make you a bad person.
    Don't kill the innocence and good of you for financial reasons.

    - Secondly, discuss everything openly with your husband. See how much you can spend. How tricky you can be with this kid.
    When both are on one page, you can easily get this child in line.
     
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  5. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    blunt replies are welcome.
    When we were kid we were not really interested in leaving home and going to live with relatives.Not atlist when we were 4 year old.
    Looks like i need to accept its just how current generation kids are.
     
  6. Lxcxxz

    Lxcxxz Senior IL'ite

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    I have a neice younger than yours who often does this too (totally unprompted by her mom who is my sister). She gives my dh a list a mile long because he loves to spoil her and she knows it. If some of her demands are a little unrealistic I will often use distraction and a bit of manipulation to get her to want something more doable. It's really easy to distract a child her age.

    I also suggest you lead the shopping trips with your neice and not your husband. Have girls only shopping trips and at least you'll have some control over how much is being spent and where. Make it fun. Buy her icecream, her favourite shiny baubles, and she will have so much fun she'll probably forget her list.
     
  7. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks for accepting my reply with the right spirit :)

    It depends... When we were kids, we really loved to spend times with our cousins, who stayed in a different state. We interacted with them quite closely; thus either they visit our place or we visit to their place during every school vacations.
    We could spend max 5-7 days happily with all the fun in our cousins' place. But after a week, we will automatically miss our parents. Knowing this, our dad will come there to pick us up on the right time always.
    Such exposure was always influential for the young generation to develop their understanding about other family dynamics. It helps when they become adults.
    I remember that we were longing towards the next vacation... It doesn't mean we did not love our parents, but it means we had a fun filled childhood. It also means, our parents had a close bonding with their siblings, thus they took care of us as their own.
    That too when none of our families were rich back then.
    I pity that I never had any exposure about other religious people though. Because, we always interacted within families who are Christians.
    My kids are lucky, as they get to mingle with their paternal grandparents, who are Hindus. So, they naturally develop tolerance towards other religious practices, ethics and all since childhood.

    Since you were not really got such exposure, there is nothing wrong in your perception about this little girl. It may seem completely strange.
    But from my background it all seem natural and normal though.
    Better to accept these terms of your in laws' family for your smooth marriage life.
     
  8. LotusAura

    LotusAura Gold IL'ite

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    There's nothing unusual with a 5 year old little child behaving this way. Such impish behavior comes naturally at this age and is pretty commonplace. This does not take away from their innocence; this is in fact a part of their innocence. They don't pretend like grown-ups by putting up a facade to be friendly at all times when they don't feel like. They can be giggly and loving one moment and irritable and aloof the very next. This is natural and part of their innocence.
    I think it's a bit harsh to judge a 5 yr old this way. It is unrealistic to expect them to be all worldly wise and consistent and mature in their behavior and reactions the way grown ups are expected to behave. Kids this age can't yet comprehend things and relations the way we can. They're kids after all.
     
    Last edited: May 31, 2016
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  9. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Ouch...she is a 5 yr old....thats very typical. Glad no one called my LOs scheming when they clung to me before I left for work with my nanny and 5 min later were seen happily playing with her.
     
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