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Is Quitting Job A Solution

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mcutiepie, May 25, 2016.

  1. mcutiepie

    mcutiepie Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,

    I am working in IT with 8 years of experience. I have 2 years toddler and staying with ILs. Financially there are not much issues, I have my salary with me, and husband and FIL collectively invest from their earnings. My husband has very hectic schedule with minimum time for me and son. Although I am taking good care of my son and not paying much attention to my career so as to give maximum time to my son. But overall my day is hectic, gets up at 6 cooks food and some other stuffs, leaves home at 8, drives to office, come back at 6-6:30 pm, takes son to park, and cooks dinner and other stuff. Finally get to bed at 11 with no rest at all during the day. My MIL not ready for a professional cook and she does help in morning but no help in evening. No help from husband.

    Despite of such hectic life, husband taunts me that I cannot take care of our son and is totally dependent on his mom.(truth which everyone says is that i take good care of him) At times, I have talked of leaving job, then he says you only says, you don’t have guts to leave job.

    According to him n ILs, being working is easier than SAHM and I should be obliged to them so that I am able to work.

    After all this, I am frustrated that I am on single leg from 6am to 11 in night, still have to hear such comments. I am myself feeling to quit job for two reasons:

    1) My own peace. To be relaxed while being at home.

    2) To teach him a lesson.

    But here are my worries:

    1. Staying with MIL for 24*7 would be challenging. Though I know it is more challenging for her as she is not used to someone at home.

    2. I worry if this makes me more frustrated with no family time with husband.

    Please share on basis of your experience whether quitting will be helpful or curse
     
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  2. crazywriter

    crazywriter Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, I personally feel the reasons that you are thinking of quitting are not major. I would suggest that you tide over the hiccups and keep working. Unless there is a serious emergency or some other concern, never quit your job.

    Please understand, once you quit your job and don't have a steady income of your own, the taunts will be of a different nature, that you are dependent on your dh for your every small need. You may regret quitting your job at that time.

    As long as you are able to manage work and home, don't quit.
     
    PRM575 likes this.
  3. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Look your husband straight in the eye and ask him why he feels the need to make unsupportive comments when you are trying your best. Tell him that inquiring minds on this forum would also like to know.
     
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  4. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Job is not the problem so quitting will not solve much. Its ur hubbys attitude which needs a major overhaul..that will take time..until then....
    8am to 6 pm when u return..who takes care of ur toddler?
    If its ur MIL..then that could be a problem. 10 hrs with an energetic toddler will tire any one that age and that is the reason they are frustrated. Find a nanny and since money is not an issue...dont hire a cook if ur MIL has issues...hire a helper.Someone who can clean do all the prep work for dinner before u get home.
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2016
  5. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    1) reason u said, to your own peace, but u also said with MIL all time in home and kid, may be u will have differences in taking care of your toddler.
    your H may now say, what r u doing whole day, my mom is taking care of our son ( even though u r there at home), so the expected peace may not be there. You may get some rest may be in the afternoon,

    2) point , don't loose your privilege of job, (which u earned by working so hard by studying hard and selecting in interviews etc,) just to teach a lesson to your H. the attitude whatever he had will not change because u had quit job.
    he is provoking u by saying u dont have guts to leave. dont fall for it. Anyway you are keeping your salary with you. which is great thing. so if you leave also it will not affect his financial planning etc. Investments as said by you done by fil and H from their money. so what u have is ur salary, so save it and hire help whereever possible.
     
  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Stop discussing hypothetical things like leaving job until it is almost about to happen, and you have made up your mind, and need hubby's opinion. Stop discussing topics like which is easier (you working or SAHM) with hubby and in-laws. Find another venue to vent your understandable frustration and tiredness etc. This does not mean you stop talking with husband. Rather, the little time you get together you make it pleasant, and the only serious things would be some mild things related to child. Do not burden those times with your issues. When things are a bit more stable, you can go back to sharing such frustrations with him.

    Do what you can to handle the job and home, and your husband's hectic work schedule. In short, cut down on the talking about your tiredness, frustration and eternal dilemma of to work or not.

    Neither of this is going to happen if you quit work.

    Your child is 2, soon he will be old enough to go to preschool/nursery school for few hours?

    Don't leave the job. Not for these reasons. Looks like you will be even more unhappy if you quit.
     
  7. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Op, Give your hubby taste of his own medicine. Starting Monday absolutely do nothing. No cooking no taking your kid to park nothing. Not cooking dinner too. When your hubby asks why , say he told you you completely relied on MIL. so here is you completely relying on MIL. That will make him realize. Don't leave job for such lame reasons.Instead enroll your son in pre school for 3 hrs a day.Good Luck.
     
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  8. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Don't quit your job.

    Find solutions to your work at home. Get household help for your work at home, I presume you are in India.
    Don't bother what your husband or in laws say, hire a help for cooking and cleaning house. In the end you are earning, so you pay for it and tell whomever it is,that it is your life as well and that you need to take care of your own health and that would mean to get help from others.

    If your MIL does not like any personal cook, tell them to cook for themselves, but you be affirmative and tell your husband that you would only be relying on the cook's help and that it is upto him and others to eat or not. I am not joking here, I had been in that situation and I had done it as well. Finally they gave up. It is a matter of adjustment, not a matter of love or care. Love and care is always there, but there needs adjustment for the sake of your career and life.

    There is no point in thinking much about these issues and delete that guilty feeling attitude and to quit job. You find help and that would help you, both from physical exhaustion and would allocate time to be spent with your kid more effectively.

    Take care.
     
    yellowmango, Rihana and KashmirFlower like this.
  9. LotusAura

    LotusAura Gold IL'ite

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    OP could it be that your parents-in-law are increasingly finding it hard to look after and keep up with your toddler. 2-year-olds are one of the toughest ages to handle; they are very high on energy and they sap energy out of young caretakers leave alone old grandparents. 2-year-olds are a LOT of work.

    May be your in-laws are indirectly trying to hint that they find it hard to babysit and take care of your little one for the entire day till you return home in the evening. Perhaps they may have mentioned this to your husband? They may have a point saying that you are able to be out of home and work for the whole day because you rely on them to look after your toddler the whole time that you're out. In that sense it is an obligation.

    You could try looking at daycare/hired babysitting alternatives to alleviate their situation if that's the case. And hire house helper/cook too if need be. Just make them understand that they can't have it both ways...make you you feel obliged and yet not let you hire help. Good luck.
     
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  10. LotusAura

    LotusAura Gold IL'ite

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    OP as per your post, in your family there are 3 working/earning members while the 4th one (MIL) gets to stay at home full time with your toddler. Out of the 3 earning, one (you) gets to pocket her entire salary to herself while the other two take care of expenses and investments.
    There could be two reasons of their resentment:
    One, it could appear to them/MIL that while you get to leave home and work full time tension-free comfortably while MIL is alone all day managing home and taking care of a toddler single-handed with no help whatsoever. Plus, you get the luxury to pocket your entire salary while her husband and son get to bear all expenses. This could be her point of view.

    Secondly, she could be facing genuine age related issues like low energy and fatigue dealing with a 2-year-old all day by herself. That could explain her not helping you much in the evening chores as she'd be equally (if not more) exhausted as you by the end of the day, thinking just as you, being much younger to her, are exhausted by the end of your work day, MIL might be assuming that you'd understand how exhausted she would be too, being much older to you. May be you could talk it out with her or your husband and justify why it makes a lot of sense to hire helper/cook to make all of your lives easier and resentment-free.
     
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