1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Moral Dilemma

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by vanithaudt, Apr 26, 2016.

  1. vanithaudt

    vanithaudt Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    135
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    My grandmother is 80 years old. I want to give her some money in her last years of her life to show her that I am thinking of her and make her feel that her granddaughter is there for her. I have been transferring some fixed money to her account every month. My grandmother earns pension every month and she doesn’t rely on me for money and she never ever asked me any money. I love her a lot and she always loved me. Somehow my aunt came to know about it. My aunt is a nice person and was always there for me when I needed her. She helped me in many ways and gave me support and comfort when I was in university. Her son, my 27 year old cousin is giving her financial trouble for past three years. She has been lending money from friends and helping my cousin on business loss and other things. My aunt asked me some money, I always know that money given to relatives won’t come back and I have learned it from my parent’s experience. My aunt has never ever asked me for any help and was asking for the first time. I took money from my savings a lump sum which is five times the money I send to my grandmother every month and gave it to my aunt. It has caused some dent in my account; I wasn’t able to send money to my grandmother for past 5 months. I was about to send some money to my grandmother next month and my aunt is asking for money again, it’s not even 5 full months I have sent her the huge sum.

    For the amount of loan my aunt owes to others, the money I send won’t even help her to fix ten percent of her needs. I am in moral dilemma whether to send money to my grandmother or to my aunt. I am not rich either. Instead of using a bus every month, I have been walking to work, saving the money and sending it to my grandmother so that it wouldn’t affect my saving as well as my own financial commitments. I too have a family and one year old daughter to look after. My aunt is kind of affecting my desire to send money to my grandmother. My grandmother is a very proud woman and would not ask for help from others even when she starves, I owe my life to her. She was always there for me at my good and bad days. She always supported me and my grandfather passed away 12 years ago. He loved me a lot and I really want to support my grandmother. Assume if I had never met my grandparents, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

    My mother is insisting me to give money to my aunt instead of my grandmother. She says that my aunt is really in need of help. My aunt would not like me to know her whereabouts. She would not like me speaking to my cousin regarding this issue. She won’t take my advice or suggestions. She just wants me to send money. I know each one wants to rule their own life and don't like to get instructions from others. My hesitation is that with her not being open, I cant help her with her problem at all.
     
    Loading...

  2. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    1,800
    Likes Received:
    2,318
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female
    U r walking and saving bus fare, that money should not go wasted on like ur cousins bad decisions or mis handling of money. So I would suggest tell the same to ur aunt that to recover ur previous lending money ur walking instead of taking bus. She should understand ur situation.. And how careless her son is.

    Is ur grandmother and aunt stay together? In both cases u can send ur grandmother money , no need to feel guilty of aunt, or give ur grandmother health related tools or whatever she needs instead of sending money, and visiting her if possible, she will be happy to see u than anything else at that age.
     
  3. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    999
    Likes Received:
    675
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    You sending money to your grandmom is out of affection and not compulsion.Your aunt take you as a source of money and think that she can get money from you whenever she wants.Tell her/your mom clearly that you have sent 90% of your savings and you don't have anymore money to give.If you feel like transferring money to your grandmom every month,go ahead and do that as its your hard earned money and you have the right to decide on how to spend it.
     
    NeetaR likes this.
  4. Lathasv

    Lathasv IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,358
    Likes Received:
    3,911
    Trophy Points:
    315
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi @vanithaudt :)
    I really appreciate your love towards your grandma.A small correction. She is not proud ,that is self respect. I like her self respect and want to be like that.
    In my opinion Don't sent money to your aunt. You did enough to her. If you are sending money like that there is no ending. Send money to your grandma as usual every month. She deserves it.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  5. vanithaudt

    vanithaudt Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    135
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks a lot for your suggestions. My aunt called me thjs evening and asked me to give her some money. I told her thats its quite difficult ay my end. My dad was present while I was on the call. He got angry and scolded my mother. He suggested me that they ( ma aunts)are going to sell the inherited property and they have to wait till that time. Ma dad said that my mom and dad has been giving her loads of money , once started that businesses would never end. Thank you all once again.
     
  6. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,327
    Likes Received:
    1,508
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, You opened an ATM giving money to your aunt. Your aunt is feeding your cousin's foolishness and irresponsibility and you are feeding your aunt's foolishness. Stop this immediately. Your mom is also inturn trying to feed your aunt's foolishness. If a business stops making money in 2 yrs even meagre amount its time to close down shop. Not everybody can be a businessman. If you are still trying to put money into business after 2 yrs with no positive returns , its your foolishness. Pardon me , if somebody is borrowing money left ,right and center to pump into it that's not foolishness but sheer stupidity.

    Why did you send so much money to your aunt. Your grandma you sent it out of love. Aunt too shud have been out of love a meagre amount.You fed a bottomless pit and now its one more feeding time. Your daughter needs supersede over anybody's else's. What was the need to send 5 times the money. You shud have sent a meagre amount out of love. Now it has come to demand rather than request.

    Tell your aunt point blank you sent that amount of love and you have to take care of your own family.Dont listen to anybody and use your own mindset for decisions. Decisions which affect you or your family can only be ascertained by yourself, nobody else. Tell your grandma not to mention your sending money to anybody else. And most certainly not mention it to your aunt and cousin.Your cousin needs to clean up his own mess and somebody shud show him sense before your aunt exhausts all resources. Good Luck.
     
    sindmani and NeetaR like this.
  7. vanithaudt

    vanithaudt Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    135
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Today I have spoken to my aunt. She told me about her problems and things. I told her that I don't have much money as things are quite difficult for me here. She has gown down from X to X/2. She told me that my cousin is not working and expecting money from my aunt. I told her that it would take two more weeks. she said that she did not ask money for free, she wants it as loan. i didn't change my standing. so i told her NO. she got angry and disappointed and understood me.
     
  8. crazywriter

    crazywriter Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,534
    Likes Received:
    1,033
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, money is a major factor for everyone. I won't say all lives on this earth are struggling for money, but everyone is always in need of money. So that is not a valid argument on your aunt's part. I agree with the other posters. Your hard work should not be used to fuel the fancy/foolish lifestyle of an irresponsible grown man (assuming your cousin is a boy). Stop giving any more money to your aunt, and ask her to repay whatever you have lent her. If she doesn't return it, you will lose the money, nobody else will feel the pinch.

    Please walk to and from office only if it is a short distance, do not torture yourself like this.
     
  9. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,327
    Likes Received:
    1,508
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, Stop!!. Even if you can afford to send after 2 weeks don't . You are feeding a bottomless pit. Next time when you really wont be able to send you will hear your aunt telling everybody how you didn't help them. She will forget the earlier times. You will just prepone this by saying no.

    You have a 1 yr old daughter whose future you need to secure. Not your cousin who I suspect will never see sense.Oh Boo Hoo. Everybody says when taking money that its a loan. Loan is conveniently forgotten when its time to repay.Dont come into their cajoling words. Good Luck.
     
    sindmani, Lathasv and generic like this.
  10. vanithaudt

    vanithaudt Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    135
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
     

Share This Page